First, you seem to have an unparalleled sense of pacing and, although the starting is a bit slow, I supposed that can't be helped for playing a six year old properly.

First, you may want to change the email at the bottom of the page to your own for the moment (or change it to a link to the forums).

As for comments, IIRC there is little evidence of the no-dachi seeing practical field use, and what evidence there is of their use indicates that it was exceedingly rare.

Also, the cultural differences are never highlighted, but come rather naturally, and show through excellently. Particularly during the conversation during the duel and what T??? (I just read their name too) said right after it.

Enma-O could be referenced as "..., the judge of the dead, Enma-O." (or something similar). That is entirely discretionary though, based on how much you want to teach verse how much you want to show, and what it means is perfectly clear without it.

Also you have the sentence: "But the time he could be carried out of the battle, it was too late." I think you meant By instead.

You could also include a bit on name suffixes too. (I always have to reference something to get them right.)

Finally, I hit an error when I choose to study under T??? (Damn it, I just read their name again.) Which I'm assuming is the end of the game.

The no-dachi is simply used for training. There is a part where Tomoe explains the logic behind it.

Also, the part where you choose your master is still in progress. The demo is supposed to stop before that.

Thanks for pointing it out!

Update: Fixed the ending and the sentence.

Umm... How do I change the link at the bottom?

This looks like it could be very good. I do hope it becomes less linear later though. I found an error where if you save the duck as a pet the game will crash later on when you arrive at the castle and it mentions that you made it comfortable.

And fixed.

I do plan to have it open up gradually.

To change the email address, go in the index file (same place you changed the name of the game) the id is: <p id="emailUs"> (just use ctrl+f). Change both emails to your address (or whatever address you want it to point to). You can also point it to a web address (change the part that says 'mailto:address@address.com' to 'http://www.website.com/whateverelse') just be sure to change the second email address to a 2~4 word description of where you're pointing them.

Alright. Thanks for the tip.

I liked the action and ideas. You established the three tutors fairly well (though memorable physical/verbal traits would be useful). I enjoyed the contrast between the father's ideals and the mother's quiet influence. The dad drawn into a duel -- very cool.

You switch from present to past fairly frequently. Also, some weird grammar, like "I'll fight with you if I weren't joining General Ishi's campaign."

Remove words and clauses to make sentences punchier. Edit down, use concrete descriptions and details. Show, don't tell. Travel and bathroom breaks can be summarized, but use details, action, or dialog to vividly imply an afternoon's activity. Don't use passive voice or "to be" verbs unless unavoidable, or for effect (e.g. "The man's face is unflinching as his bowels are spilled upon the courtyard cobbles.")

Give the intro a hook. A clumsy description of scenery and the fact that night follows day doesn't exactly grab the reader. Perhaps Taru is looking at something on the sly during his lessons, or whatever. Emphasize his boyish nature barely constrained by the mores and traditions of ancient Japanese society.

Don't use "naginata" when "spear" works just as well. Don't make me look up "ashigaru" when I'll immediately understand "foot-soldiers." These add confusion, not flavor. If you must, say "your father's long katana sword," or "naginata spears." Foreign names are already hard for readers, keep the number of foreign words they must learn to a minimum. Name suffixes are also asking for trouble. Instead of a suffix lesson interrupting your story, I would just say "Mistress Tomoe" or leave them off completely.

The kanji for Taru don't show up on my Mac with Japanese fonts installed.

You mention Jiru being born, then the next page is "Yet, for all the fortunes he has forged upon the deaths he had caused, he is not exempted from a meeting with Enma-O." It's not clear it's your father. Also, Enma-o needs explained.

That Yoshimaru killed a peasant's son unjustly and your father challenges him to a duel is clear, but your father said "now" and then without explaining he gets permission and then starts on a trip to the city. Also, Taru seems unaffected by it all, when I would hope he would be extremely tense, lose his appetite, etc. In general, Taru is too disconnected, not portrayed as a boy. The events are supposedly through his/our eyes, yet not narrated in a way a real person would experience them. Viewpoint also confusingly switches to omniscient (and irrelevant) facts.

Given how idealistic the father is, would he really kill the bandits right in front of his son? Or just turn them over to the guards?

Well, Taru is not supposed to be a boy. I didn't put the gender choice early to set the perception that it doesn't matter, and also that people look upon the player character not as a boy or a girl, but just a child.

Naginata are more like glaives, but I get what your point is.

As for the rest, good observation. I'll think on them.

Also, it looks like ANSI cannot encode chinese characters. Will have to do something about that.

Silly me. It's actually because I used unicode characters in an ANSI file. And I don't think webs.com can accept unicode.

@HoraceTorys It's not Japan. It's a fantasy land where men and women are 'exactly-the-same-except-not-really' that is strongly inspired by feudal Japan. It's the typical method in fantasy for updating historical settings to modern politically correct standards.

I'm personally strongly against calling things something like Long Katana Sword. It's really painful to read for anyone who is actually knowledgeable about the subject. They do add flavor, and if you're confused it's easily rectified by copy paste and Google. You're playing this on a web browser after all. If you don't want to learn then avoid things that force you to learn. Don't demand that everything else come down to your level.

@ScarletGeisha Please don't be afraid to be a little bit confusing. It's not like your livelihood relies on this game's mass appeal. There's a big difference between something being confusing because it's badly written and something being confusing because someone lacks easily available knowledge and doesn't want to go to the minor trouble of gaining it. A good compromise might be to put the meanings of words in parenthesis where they are not otherwise explained.

Oh yeah, I found a Typo while choosing Shigeaki the third time.

"You are walking the streets with Tomoe, a lantern shared between the two of you. "

I'm fairly sure that should say that you're walking with Shigeaki as he says later in the paragraph that he's spotted Tomoe.

Another error occurs when you are returning home after the duel if you chose to attack the bandits earlier.

I've decided that I'll just call things like "naginata glaives" and "nodachi great sword" for the first time or two. It'll tell people what those words mean if they don't feel like researching, because that's honestly fine. Then later, I'll drop the descriptor all together. Sounds okay?

Also, not an excuse or anything, but I always read the weapons and terms in their native language. It feels more natural to me.

That's probably the most diplomatic solution. It works for Usagi Yojimbo.

Also, I'm going to drop the kanji. I'm too poor at coding to know how to convert from unicode to ANSI.

i love this game. made me reinstall Shogun 2 and play it again XD

Are assassin geisha still in Shogun 2?

I'm only asking because I loved them in Shogun for reasons I will not divulge. (Clue 1: My username. Clue 2: There are swords in my game.) They were also hilariously anachronistic.

No, there will definitely not be assassin geisha in this game. But if you love Shogun 2, you're going to find familiar elements.

so scarletgeisha when do you think and update coming don't have to be that specific :)

I'm not sure yet.

I think Shogun 2 still has Geisha Assassins. I don't own the game though since I'm waiting for a release that includes all the little odds and ends they felt the need to sell as separate DLC.

I'm also doing the same. I feel old remembering a time when games came in one core and an expansion or two which is nearly as big as the core game.

I don't have a lawn so I can't tell kids to get off them.

Anyway, now that I see people do like this, I'm going to have to work extra hard and not disappoint.

I've also been abusing the if/else commands.

I have to say I have absolutely loved this game so far. If this is just the intro, my mind boggles at what the rest is going to be like.

I abuse booleans in my game


I played threw and I like it. I found it to be fun it but why is compassion and wisdom opposing stats?

well there are ninjas in there that can Assasinate people. Havnt really seen assassin geishas. But maybey thats because i never really finish a game. I play on Legendary and when i take over a couple of towns i usually get smacked in the face by a more powerfull clan...

1) I think that dropping the kanji altogether is for the best. Even if perfectly encoded, some people's computers/other devices still won't render the characters, simply because they can't.

2) What you mentioned is your new approach to handling foreign words/concepts is one of the better approaches. Using the wrong word is a quick way to alienate your 'core' fans (the ones that already love your setting). Calling a naginata a spear is cringe inducing at best. As for dropping suffixes, seriously, how do you translate the difference between the PC talking to Jiru-kun and the man from the village talking to Jiru-sama? How do you translate the cold feeling of a man who talks to his brother as -san? Always using 'Mister' to refer to your brother in such a way is near nonsensical, and conjures up an entirely different 'meaning'.

Might I recommend though, that rather than using such unwieldy terms as 'naginata spear' you refer to them somewhat more like: '...the naginata, a wooden pole twice as tall as you, topped with a blade half again the length of the pole.' (I seriously don't remember you mentioning a naginata at all, so I can't give it context.) or 'blah blah blah... nodachi. It was not unlike your father's katana, except that it was nearly half again as long.' It's a case of show, don't tell. A naginata is no more a glaive than a samurai is simply a knight. They call up distinctly different images, with details and histories all their own and to refer to one as the other is to call up the 'wrong' history.

3) (Less directed @ScarletGeisha and more @HoraceTorys) About the way Taru sees things. Those weren't villagers or samurai or lords. They were bandits. Taru isn't a modern american child, and shouldn't exhibit a modern american viewpoint. Taru grew up in a distant land in a far away time, and their mores are very different from ours. As for the use of passive voice, it's intentional. Japan is a nation of subtly. To say something directly is more than a faux pas, it's an insult. Read http://www.guidetojapanese.org/causepass.html for a better understanding of the passive voice in the Japanese language. The Wikipedia article on Japanese aesthetics may be helpful in understanding the general concept of subtly as beauty: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Japanese_aesthetics

(Also: *else is the red-headed step child in my writing. I don't use it unless I have basically no other option.)

I loved this game! Keep up the good work!

The game is pretty incredible. I think my game suddenly ended, but I can't tell... anyway, I really enjoyed it, and, not trying to be knit picky, but here are some grammar and spelling errors:

"If the Lord haven't ordered me to join General Ishi's campaign, I'd be fighting you already." Should be hadn't instead of 'haven't'.
When you pick your own last name, it should be apologize with a 'z', not an 's'.
"One of them is a tall woman named Omu Tomoe, Many praise her sword skills, to which your parents are no exception. " Many should be lower case.
"I apologise," he says. "I am currently occupied with training as you can see, and so should you." Again, apologize.
And , I don't know but, (I'm assuming daiymo is a proper title or noun of some sort) shouldn't daiymo be capitalized?
"His opponent si now at a disadvantage with several pieces lost." si should be is.

Lovely game though~

No, any grammar and spelling error MUST be pointed out.

Also, I write with an "s" instead of a "z" because I'm using British spelling.

As for the daimyo and capitlisation, I choose to use lower case because the characters use it more like an occupational noun, instead of a personal noun. So to them, he is their daimyo, but his name is Shinsei Michiyori, Michiyori-sama, or the Lord.

Also, by ending suddenly, did it happen after choosing your master?

EDIT: To answer appleduck's question, Compassion and Wisdom are even there because of Zen philosophy. Zen is an important part in a samurai's life, and in Buddhism in general, compassion and wisdom are considered two important qualities. One must have them in balance, but it is easy to go one way and neglect the other.

Compassion and Wisdom will only play one part in the game, but it will be an important part. I'm planning to have a compassionate, wise, and balanced character to all have different positives and negatives when that section is played.

Ah I thought you were saying they were opposites not something that need balance it makes more sense now.

I'll find a way to explain it in the game, preferably during the next chapter.

Okay, I've been thinking more about using Japanese terms. While the current approach (which is calling a naginata "naginata glaive' and ashigaru "ashigaru foot-soldiers" for the first few times) is the most middling solution, I still get the feeling that it is a little awkward to read.

I'm seriously thinking about defaulting to simply using the Japanese terms. Firstly, my core audience is for people who want to play in a samurai fantasy, but either don't mind or prefer a setting which is safe for those who aren't male and heterosexual. I think that they will probably already know what the terms mean. And if they don't, I like to think that they'll appreciate learning about them.

Also, I completely agree with Reaper about words having meanings which conjure a very specific image. I believe in that strongly, which is why I didn't want to pay too much attention to how exotic naginata are. I also feel that describing them is both awkward and patronising. Awkward because the player character would know what they are, and patronising because I feel that it might be insulting the reader's intelligence. Even if they do not know what those words precisely mean, they can derive from the context easily.

Well, what do you all think?

About foreign words, I (obviously, as I have already said it) agree with you in that doubling up the terms sounds/feels, unwieldy. However, @HoraceTorys does bring up a very valid point. There are people who would enjoy your writing, but would be scared away by the number of terms that they do not know, or may actually be unable to follow it without extensive use of Google (and seriously how many people are going to read a story where they have to look everything up), simply because of their lack of knowledge. While just ignoring the problem is one solution, it is rather limiting. That's actually (as far as I can see) the reason you're using a gender equal alternate setting. There is no reason to replace one limit with another. Hence, I'm arguing in favor of short descriptions.

As for complaints about describing things that people already know, I don't think too many people will complain much about a single extra sentence when foreign words are first used. This can be further reduced by doubling the use of descriptions. Don't just mention the physical form of a naginata, use its description as a way to remind the player that they are a child, barely measuring half the height of the people around them. Use the description of ashigaru to remind the player that they were not the composed and refined image of a samurai, but instead were rowdy and rough soldiers. When 'The wooden shafts of the naginatas, even slanted in such a way, are still half again as tall as you, meeting at a height just above your own.' and 'They are topped with brilliantly shining blades, each longer than your arm, which look as though the closest they have come to use is the occasional, accidental clash as the guards raise and lower them.' many people may not even realize that you just told them what a naginata is. Not only does this add descriptions that help those who are less informed follow what is happening, it adds color and imagery. Those are no longer just simply guards, they are guards who's gear are kept to an immaculate appearance befitting the Emperor, let alone a daimyo. There is no reason to mention naginatas as 'exotic' in any of that, just as plenty of 'detail' of the naginatas are left out (such as the hand-guard, or that the blades are much the same in appearance as a katana).

As for people still insulted, well no matter what, someone will be 'insulted' by your work. Someone's going to be insulted by "the way you just don't understand that there was a reason for women not being warriors". (After all, ultimately men are expendable when it comes to maintaining a population, while women are not.)

For the record, I do understand population and expendability.

Hmm, I'm going to try your suggestion out now.

I just remembered that I did plan a segment where the player character test out weapon types. I think I'll just keep it the original way for now, and then see what happens when I am finished with the weapon training montage. Preferably set to Eye of the Tiger, because that's the rule of rocked out montages.

Sorry, I came off very critical. I was passing on things learned in fiction class, and generally what I observe my favorite commercial writers doing. Nothing was meant as absolutes, more as an outside perspective.

I still think of it as a valid observation, so no worries. I still have a solar system worth of room to improve on.

Looking forward to the update

Okay, thanks for clarifying me on anything I missed/ messed up. And yes, it did end after I picked my master, but then I read a comment where you answered that question, so I understand though. And I see the whole ' apologise' thing now. Totally forgot about that... like ' gray' and ' grey'.

It's still a terrific game though~
And, just my opinion, I think it would be cool if some point later a ghost of someone you knew or of an ancestor showed up and talked about your destiny and such. You know, kind of like Mu- Lan XD. But now that I think about it, is that more Chinese than Japanese? I don't know... anyway, just a suggestion.

It didn't come off the way I intended, but that last sentence was supposed to be written as the 'standard arguments' against gender equality in fictional settings and was not an argument I was trying to make (that last quotation mark should have extended all the way to the end of the paragraph), nor was I implying that you didn't understand those concepts.

Actually, as far as I can see, the percentage of deaths from military conflicts is usually incidental when compared to civilian casualties from the same. Added to the way most societies have treated widowhood and orphans (badly, to say the least), and the whole concept of fewer men being necessary in a given population is basically thrown out the window, as most societies wouldn't allow woman any real lively hood without males. Essentially, the way many (real) societies have been structured, females became non-reproducing once their husbands died anyways, so the exact person who died (husband or wife) would be a non-issue in accounting for population growth. After accounting for those factors, women becoming warriors would probably have a marginal impact on population growth at the most. And that's entirely discluding the sociological impact of a society understanding women as being capable of combat (a reduction in violent crime against women would encourage population growth).

(It's one of the conceptual world building discussions I've repeatedly had with a friend of mine, mostly in the line of how magic would affect the world.)

On the subject of describing Japanese words, I think that Reap hit it on the head. That sounds like a great idea. Although I'm not sure that would work all the time. In the case where adding a description like that would still make things seem unwieldy perhaps adding a roughly equivalent English term in parenthesis would be a good solution.

Another point one could make against arbitrary sexual equality in fantasy, is that it removes a large amount of potentially interesting culture from the game. Women have had to fight long and hard to get what they have now in the real world, and there are still all sorts of issues to work out. Just saying that Sexes are equal, and the same, except for specific arbitrary differences takes most of that away. Don't get me wrong. I not in any way trying to suggest that you should change your whole setting and idea. I'm just trying to continues the discussion, which is rather interesting in my opinion. Actually, maybe this should be continued in a separate thread.

@IyashiiOtaku To be fair, Japanese culture is heavily influenced by Chinese culture. Also, I would prefer that the supernatural elements I might or might not include be open to interpretation.

And as for sexual equality, I do think about how it happened in my world building. There is evidence that Japan was once a matriarchy, an example of which is that shinto priests are always women.

As mentioned earlier, Japan is influenced heavily by Chinese culture and one of the guiding philosophies in Chinese society is Confucianism, except of course during the Qin. Confucius's writings advocated women taking on a submissive role. Buddhism is also a major religion in China, and while it does see the sexes as equal, the practices are androcentric (and heterocentric). So when these were imported to Japan, it no doubt played an important role, whether Japan was already shifting to patriarchy or not.

I thought "What if both of these forces counteracted each other?" and went from there. So while I try my best to properly reflect samurai culture in a specific timeframe (sengoku period), I do think a lot about how the achievement of sexual equality would affect certain aspects. It's likely that the final product won't show all of this, but at least it will be internally consistent (I hope). A bit of trivia: Taru and Jiru are derived from the names Taro and Jiro, meaning "eldest son" and "second son" respectively. I deliberately changed "son" to "child" to make it androgynous.

And I really don't see why there shouldn't be warrior women. Reaper makes a good point in that using reproductive role as an excuse is moot when society frowns upon widows and prizes virginity and marriage so much. On top of that, raids, cities sieges, and conquest massacres mean that women still die in war, but we're still doing fine as far as population is concerned.

And the excuse that women are naturally weak is also easily argued when there are many warrior women in history, let alone in Japan with the likes of Hojo Masako and Lady Hangaku.

Why don't I just use feudal Japan and let the female Taru fight oppression? It is because what I'm trying to do here is escapism. Women already have to deal with these issues everyday and it would be nice to escape to a place where it doesn't exist. I'm not saying that all games should not deal with these issues, because it would be nice to see more of them, but that's not what I'm trying to achieve.

Well it's more a criticism of the ubiquitous trend of ignoring sexual inequality when making a fantasy setting rather than a criticism of your game in particular. It's not bad that it exists by itself, but I don't necessarily think it's good that it's the way it's almost always done.

As for women being naturally physically weaker, that's just simple sexual dimorphism. It's why women can create another living human being inside themselves and bring it into the world and men can... pee standing up. It's why men and women from the same culture sometimes have more trouble understanding each other than members of the same sex from different cultures. Because the sexes are different. Women are also naturally smaller and less muscular than men on average. The exceptions don't disprove the rule. Of course being naturally physically smaller doesn't mean they can't be skilled warriors. The exceptions prove that.

I won't say that it's the exception proving the rule, rather that it is societal pressures preventing it from manifesting. For example, Khawla bint al-Azwar was once sent to a Byzantite prisoner of war camp and quickly trained the prisoners, who were exclusively women and served as nurses, to use tent poles as spears and fought their way out.

Other examples: Nakano Takeko led an all-woman army during the late 19th century. The Night Witches squad in the Soviet air force during WWII.

Strength can be trained. Weapons are an equaliser.

Also, I find the trend of ignoring sexual inequality in fantasy settings largely frustrating, not because it exist, but because many of these settings are really still male fantasies at the core. The female characters are still heavily sexualised and exist for the hero to fuck, which is not a symptom of equality but rather "See feminists? She's strong! Stop complaining, we want our fap material too!"

On a more on topic note, I am starting to get the impression that Kanbei surviving the duel is common, and that Tomoe is the prefered choice. Is my impression true?

Accidental double post.

Okay, if anyone's interested, I'm currently writing a Kozo path.

Kozo was the shinobi right?

Yes, he is the shinobi.

And @Shoelip I'm not coming off as being self-serious, am I?

I'm not really sure what you mean by self-serious but I am really happy to have an interesting discussion on the internet that has yet to turn into an insult/passive agressiveness match for a change.

I guess I don't get as upset about the whole oversexualization of women in fantasy that ignores sexual inequality because I'm it's target audience. :p While I can be offended for others by it, I can't really be offended for myself, and well, I very much like sexy women. I think I get what you're talking about though and at times I've wondered about just what the heck the deal is with that. I think though that at least for commercial products it boils down to money. The target audience is males, and most males like sex with women. I don't think it's so much "See feminists? She's strong! Stop complaining, we want our fap material too!" as it is "See modern non-misogynistic man? She's strong, so don't feel guilty to start fapping!"

Actually, that last statement is also true. Both can be true at the same time. This issue is too intricate to fully understand and resolve with just a couple of (hopefully non-heated) posts on a forum on the internet.

To be honest, I'm glad that choice script games have this attitude toward gender where literally the only difference between male and female characters is the pronoun that gets used to describe them.

While a game based around a character fighting oppression would be interesting, that'd only be true if that was the game's central theme. I don't want a game where you are given a gender/sexuality choice then either your character doesn't have to contend with discrimination or does have to, because choosing between being the person you are and having an easy time of things is a pretty horrific thing in my opinion and not something that would make a game all that fun.

Welcome Canisa.

Speaking of which, gender choice will affect one portion of this game significantly, but nothing to do with facing discrimination. That's all I'll say for now.

Great so far! I enjoy the detai and the characters. Your father is a compassionate warrior who favors his ninja friend the most and your strategic reserved mother who favors the tactician as your role model.

I'm interested in how you will have shinobi qualites for your character as a samurai.

I am excited in the potential that this game has. I would like to suggest if it's not planned, but that the part where you an choose who to hang with the rest of the day, that those choices will have an impact with your stats o your chosen master in the future.

It isn't extremely linear, I actually went back a few times to see what happens if I do this, which I like. I like knowing most of my choices impact the story or my stats (which impact the story)