As Dark As Night - Work in progress
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"There is a sound like thunder in the distance. You hear the hooves pounding into the gravel. They are not discrete, but then again, why would they need to be?"
Lead the life of a rich aristocrat, the only child of the rich Duke James Hatchett (or surname to be decided) of Brexelyhurst. Your mother died some time ago, falling off her horse and breaking her neck while she was trying to escape from some highwaymen who were chasing her. This has led to your father fearing the forests outside and banning you from going there on your own, and preferably not at all.
But then, one day, a group of bloodthirsty highway robbers appear on your families private land and an unexpected meeting sets off a chain of dramatic changes and you are left with a choice: your family, your duty, your heart or your head.
THEMES: Highwaymen/(women), aristocracy, romance, murder
SETTING: Old England, around about the 1600s
There is no link YET!
*I have not made enough decent progress to post the link to the game yet (the coding is driving my head in, and it's a big mess of random words and weird {} error signs), but when I have finished Chapter 1, and advanced to the actual story-line, or what I deem to be enough, I will leave the link here.* :)
I am determined to prevail with this!
There are three potential love interests as I have planned so far.
I want to ask some questions to all of you, to make the best story I can. Answer them if you wish, and I would be very grateful if you would!
1. Are you interested in the story plot? Do you like it/does it need any improvements?
2. I wrote this plot with a female audience in mind, as I am a girl, and my immediate response is to write a female view, but I want all audiences to enjoy it, so if you are male, and it was a highwayWOMAN, would that be an immediate putoff?
3. How should I do the love affairs? Would you prefer gender swapping, (e.g, Lucy becomes Lucien when you say you are interested in men?) Or perhaps Lucy stays Lucy no matter what you say you like, and there is a separate Paul that comes in as your love interest instead?
4. This is my first interactive story, but I have written before, and its common to receive complaints about the maturity rating, if it's too low, for example. What rating does everyone prefer here? High maturity, low maturity, etc etc...
5. Do people here like many characters? It's hard to keep track of who everyone is, but it gives a more realistic feel when you have Ted the barber and Sophia the nearly non-existent train lady who you hardly ever meet but somehow know her name. Or is that just me?
Thank you for answering, and if you have any queries, don't hesitate to rage at me a bit :) -
1. Sounds fun!
2. Not put off at all.
3. Depends on how much work you're willing to put into each potential love interest. If you want to write the same amount of plot and dialogue for multiple different characters, then do Lucy/Paul. If you think you've only got one good one in you, do Lucy/Lucien, rather than palming off a half-assed Paul plot on the maleophiles.
4. If maturity is code for sex, there's a full range, written with varying degrees of actual maturity. Can't make everyone happy -- write what you think you can do well.
5. Many characters does give a more realistic feel, but it's hard to track lots of names -- I'd keep rich descriptions but try to hold down the number of names.
PS: Hopefully helpful nitpick: discrete means separable. Discreet means quiet. -
1. It's a bit too vague for me to properly judge. Has potential.
2. As a female, can't answer that.
3. I'd prefer the non gender swaps, but only if you can make each character distinct and likeable.
4. I'm quite liberal when it comes to dark themes/maturity, so I'm fine with it.
5. If you make the important characters feel important, then it'd be interesting.
Please post a demo for beta testing when you feel you have something substantive, I'd like to see it. -
1. The plot sounds interesting. The backstory is specific so I am curious how you will give choice throughout the background, or if it will be a character-building chapter.
2. As a man, I would not object to playing a female protagonist, nor would I have a problem with highwaywomen.
3. Gender swapping is more inclusive of audience, while specific character orientations is more realistic, but there are certainly pros & cons to each. There is a discussion of the topic on this forum which you may want to read for opinions on the subject.
4. I like more mature reading for this genre. Just realize, the more mature it is may change the audience considerably and also affect rating should you wish to publish on the various app stores. If you want lots of downloads, you may need to tone down maturity. If you rather have a smaller, focused audience, the choice of maturity is up to you!
5. I like quality over quantity, but if you can maintain quality, go for as many as needed to tell the story. I have seen in feedback from my game that interaction with characters is very important, so consider that when balancing the number of characters.
Good luck! -
@JimD, yes, this is just the basis of the plot :)
I didn't want to give much away, as it will hopefully be explained in the actual story when I have developed it a little more, and the said part will be earlier on when I first introduce the characters and yes, I guess most of the character building.
I did read the article on gender swapping before this which is where I got the notion from, and I simply wanted a general response on the preferences of different people to a historical genre. :)
@Havenstone, it could mean sex or it could mean violence and use of gore, which I initially wanted to include a lot of with a Victorian Gothic fiction theme (which had been my underdeveloped, dismissed idea before this), but I dropped the idea as I did not think it had much potential.
And of course, typos and wrong wordings run my life XD I will try to spell check everything thoroughly in the final draft whenever I get to it.
@13ventrm, a demo will take a while. I have finished character building and I am on to the main plot; however, I would like to advance a lot more into the story before I put it up for testing. Or maybe I'll let people view it earlier. I don't know, it really depends on how it turns out. :) -
1. I don't know much about it yet, but it sounds good so far.
2. I get to steal stuff either way. :-D
3. Just don't make it sappy/Twilight and I'm fine.
4. Hmm. I've only seen one demo of a very dark story (WHICH ISN'T UPDATING!!), and I liked it. I don't know. Maybe "A Tale Of Two Cities" kind of dark.
5. Dang. I like many amount of characters, but I have a horrible memory. The thing that you would need is to make each character strong and striking. Either way, you will have some interesting and memorable characters. -
1: In a word, yes. Obviously the premise can always be improved upon, but considering how few details you've given us so far I'm not sure what I could suggest to improve it specifically.
2: Hell no. Strong women are hawt! Misspelled for emphasis. And why the hell are women the only ones who are allowed to want to "save" their love interest from themselves whereas men have to kill them? It's stupid and sexist.
3: I'm generally against sex swapping characters because it often makes the characters and world feel less real, and hampers my suspension of disbelief. I like the idea that Lucy and Paul are both real characters and that you can interact with both in different ways depending on their personalities and your's.
4: "High" to you could be low to me, and I don't really know how to answer that. I suppose I'd prefer somewhat high, though I don't really appreciate huge amounts of graphic detailed descriptions of sex and violence. Give enough of a description to get the feeling across without going into porn/gorn.
5: I agree. Although you should probably limit the number of characters however many you can reasonably keep track of since breaking the continuity will damage more verisimilitude than having lots of characters created. -
1) As others have said, there is not much story here, but what I have seen I have liked. I do have one question though: from what I have seen, your character will become a highway(wo)man after being attacked by other highway(wo)men. Did I misread this?
2) Being a male I would prefer having the choice to be a male character, but in the end it does not make a difference on whether or not I will play the game.
3) It does not really make a difference (to me) if you have a Lucy/Lucien clone or Lucy and Paul seperate, so long as each romance is written well.
4) I prefer a dark story, if for no other reason that a dark story makes the light moments all the brighter :)
5) It is not just you. Things are all the more realistic when the world is filled with people with names and occupations and lives that exist outside the player character.
I can hardly wait :-D -
Hm, Maybe I interpreted number two wrong. For some reason I thought she meant that the player character would be male and that the love interest would be a highwaywoman,
If you can only play a female it would be a bit of a turn off for me as a male. Romance plots just don't work as well for me when the protagonist is supposed to be me, but I can't imagine myself as attracted to the love interest.
Also, @Aritour reminded me that I really like games that let your be a good guy in a dark setting. -
1. It's too short to say, but I do want to see more of it.
2. As a genderqueer, I don't know what to say. However, it would be interesting to see a game in which you have to be a female; come on, it's sweet payback for all those annoying times we had to play as a man without any other option.
3. I loathe gender-swapping, but it is your choice after all.
4. Are you talking about sex or mature themes in general? Either way, I would like to see mature themes, though not necessarily sex.
5. Quality over quantity, as it was already mentioned. -
1. No, I do not like it, but it doesn't need to be changed or improved.
2. No, but I'd probably play a lesbian.
3. Why not just have three heterosexuals, three homosexuals, and three bisexuals?
4. I guess right now I'm in the mood for darker themes, but I'm still a romantic. Gothic literature comes to mind.
5. I love lots of characters. When I say "character", I automatically include, "fully-fleshed out" as part of the definition. -
1) this hermit would relish in playing your fiction
2) this hermit finds that women who can kick his own ass is very desirable in his eyes for many reasons and will love to play with that kind of demographic.
3)as for the gender swapping, this hermit would advise that you do what is best and most efficient for the story, not so much the reader.
4) this hermit has had time and meditation to accept wide views of interpretations on the scale of maturity and would reiterate his earlier point.
5) not too many, as it clutters and confuses, but not too little as it leaves one felling forced or alone. -
1. Well, I like it so far but just as what @VoodooDolly said, it's too short to really know.
2. Well, I'd prefer being a male character as I play games based on the gender. I always feel awkward playing as a female character.
3. I agree with having two different characters (Lucy and Paul) which you can both meet and talk to.
4. Quoting @VoodooDolly : I would like to see mature themes, though not necessarily sex.
5. Well I like many characters, but each character shouldn't just be someone that says a sentence and that's the last thing you hear from her/him. Well it matters on the story mainly. -
Geisha says that you don't have to have a male character if you don't want to. There are plenty of male characters already.
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im a guy and have no problem playing as a female its all about the fun
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"Female" is an adjective, not a noun.
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@ScarletGeisha It's both actually.
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If you want to sound dehumanising, sure.
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Thanks to everyone that replied, I just want to set a few things straight that I perhaps didn't get clear in my description :)
Of course I will have a gender choice available, but I fear, not to sound at all sexist, but in the Choice of Romance, to have it a bit odd for the *Queen* to be chasing after you when playing as a male, and I do not think I am the only one with that thought.
But people seem fine with it, so :D
The only person I will genderswap is the highwayman/woman I have decided now.
And also, it is highly unlikely that the player character will become a highwayperson, as it does not follow my main story plot... Sorry!
What idea I did have, which I neglected to put, is that since it would be difficult to deal with a whole group of highwaypeople for romance, is that one of them gets seperated from the others as his horse is injured, and I really can't say anymore as its (hopefully) going to be a twist in the plot :)
@ScarletGeisha, I'm sorry, I didn't actually know, and I didn't mean to offend anyone, but we learn something new everyday! -
Um no, it is not at all odd that the Queen is chasing a male suitor, especially not in a matriarchal/egalitarian society. Even so, Catherine the Great was never shy about it.
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Well fair enough :) I personally have no issues with writing it. I simply wanted to know what people thought of it.
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Oh... So I actually did interpret things accurately the first time... Huh.
The problem I had with Choice of Romance is that it forced you to play a passive pretty princess. They set up this stereotypical medieval romance thing with a stereotypical female protagonist. As such, the fact that you could swap the sex pronouns just ended up making things weird since while society has mostly decided that women are allowed to be either passive or active characters without prejudice, men HAVE to be active or else they're unmanly and will be scorned for it by both sexes. -
@Shoelip, thats exactly what I mean!
But since I will only be genderswapping one character, it shouldn't become like that :)
And I promise not to make it into a cliche Twilight type story, so it will be playable both ways. :) -
Sadly, I have to say I've seen it and read the books. I thought the books were fine for some odd reason I can not fathom. But then the movie just made me shake my head in sorrow :(
Sparkling vampires. Ugh. *shudder* -
reasoningwithvampires.tumblr.com
That's as good as reading the books. -
@Bittersweet, re: Choice of Romance, enjoy the oddness -- it's an alternative world, it's meant to feel odd. And while you're enjoying it, maybe consider how odd it is that in the West, we're brought up with an arbitrary rule that says women shouldn't "chase" the people they're attracted to, but men should. What's up with that?
Look forward to reading your story. -
Geisha actually wishes to see Breaking Dawn for the hilarity of Jacob falling in love with a baby, and for the baby killing Bella from inside.
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@Hermit Thanks. You made me laugh today!
@Havenstone Probably because of the unfortunatly true steriotype that men are lustful idiots...I'M A GUY AND I KNOW THAT'S PRETTY MUCH TRUE!!!
...No highwaypeople=no robbing/killing/kidnapping ...This game better have some twists. -
Completely off topic and I apologise, but are you all American? :D
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@Lordirish Oh, that's so cool! :) I live in England and a few of my close friends are scarily obsessed with your accents. And I have to say, I love them too D':
@Shintaro, this game will definitely have twists! I don't write stories without twists! It's barbaric!
Also, I apologize for the lack of highwaypeople ._. But rest assured, I will fit in a murder line somewhere in here :)
@CountDon, no, I have never, and I hope I never will! :)
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Oh one more thing, actually game related - in an interactive fiction, do people like to have more text, or less text and more choices? e.g
Like this:
As you enter the supermarket, you see the can of beans on the counter alongside the carrots and peas and stuff. You pick up the beans and look at it. It's a great tin, and you decide to buy it.
Is this a good idea?
*choice
#Yes
#No
Or:
As you enter the supermarket, you see the can of beans on the counter alongside the carrots and peas and stuff.
What do you pick up?
*choice
#The beans
#Carrots
etc etc
Bearing in mind that whatever you pick up affects nothing.
Would you rather have the choice, or have more text, sparing you of useless choices? (Like the did in Vampire)
Thanks, and sorry everything I write is lengthy. I have a lot to say :( -
@Hermit, Really? I have relatives living in Texas right now! :) And yes, I agree, although reading a incredibly long piece of text without interaction does get dreary after a while :/
But I suppose you may be right.
@13ventrm, Oh wow! XD I really want to visit America some day... everyone seems to be from there :)
And artificial choices at least give the reader something to do instead of sitting through a few pages of writing in an "interactive" game, doesn't it? :)
That's how I've always perceived it, but I'd rather readers enjoy it than me writing in my own corner, being neglected :( XD
I will take it into account. :)
ALSO, nobody would hate me if I named a character Bella would they? I know after all the anti Twilight rage that just went on, but Bella is such a nice name, and it shouldn't be defiled just because of a overrated book series. -
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I'm American, but there are plenty here that aren't (despite what the sound off would make you believe so far).
Also, I personally think it's best to not name characters the same thing as other significantly recognizable characters at the moment, as it reduces the recognizability of the character. -
I'm nor.
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@Bittersweet this hermit then wishes to induct you into the cowboy society as a trainee. This just means you are one step closer to being chuck Norris.
@scarletgeisha Norwegian?
And I agree with reaper, contrary to popular belief, everything is in aname and as such maybe a less iconic name would be prudent -
Geisha is from neither the Americas nor Europe. Not Australia and Africa too.
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How is sharing a first name with someone a bad thing?
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Fake choices really annoy me. It feels like the writer is wasting my time and insulting my intelligence. At least the way Bioware does them. It's one thing to get a choice between peas and beans and it doesn't affect anything, but if you're giving me a choice involving avoiding a fight or something, it damn well better be real. &^$*ing stupid Manaan Sith embassy.
I'm from the US, specifically the state no one thinks is real even though (or for some, because) the president was born there.
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