Found an error: line 1159: non-existent variable 'elricassault'

Otherwise the writing is pretty nice. It's a good slow game ^_^

Ok, first thing I noticed was the intro. Please. Drop it.
You should be able to tell the reader about your world through the story, you don't tend to informatively tell them.

Also for some reason the italic markups aren't working for me.

Asides from those, this looks interesting, definitely a fresh format, which is always nice!

The italics didn't work for me either, I just had a lot of i's strewn about through the text.

I think it is very interesting so far. Like you said, it is quite different than most of the games using ChoiceScript, and reads much like an interactive novel than a game. I like it.

Oh, and at the part with the brother at the end, it is mentioned that a decapitated hand would ruin his livelihood. I don't think you can decapitate a hand, can you? My understanding is that decapitate means to cut off someones head.

Wolfwriter 20: Hah, yes you're right about the hand. I've fixed that - a limb is dismembered not decapitated!

FireSeraph: Thanks for the error re elricassault - it was *set in the wrong place which meant there was a possibility of it not being set at all which caused the error, so I've fixed that now.

CJW: Re the intro - I wasn't sure whether to include it or not as it takes the reader out of the setting immediately which I don't usually like. I agree that a well written piece would have this information woven into the story, so I'll have a rethink and see if I can drop the information in a bit better. I'm glad someone has pointed it out, as the original introduction was a lot like the preface - i.e. quite dry and factual and getting the player to answer questions on their background - I re-wrote it entirely to be a bit more natural and story like.

I don't think the [i] and [b] markers work in the current version of choicescript, but I read somewhere that they were going to be implemented in a future build - they'd be easy enough to remove if that's not the case, but a bit of a pain to put in afterwards.

Thank you all for your positive comments on the story itself. I think it is a bit different, though the pace should pick up in future chapters as there'll be more events/scenarios for the player to react to.

Just the fact that you're not allowing a name change alone is pretty interesting, I started a topic on it: http://www.choiceofgames.com/forum/discussion/736/preset-player-character-names/#Item_8 - Seeing as up until now, no one had done it.

Yes, I did read that topic with interest a while back as I knew I was planning to do it. At the time I wasn't sure whether I'd ever let this see the light of day though.

It would be something I'd consider changing in the future, but I grew up playing games like Lone Wolf and quite like the idea of playing a game where I might not necessarily choose the gender/name of a person, but still get to influence their character or relationships (I mean this in a broad sense - not purely romantic) with other characters.

One of my favourite IF's was a game by Rob Sherwin - Fallacy of Dawn - where the character was very predefined and with a ridiculous name to boot, but it didn't make me enjoy it any less. In fact because I could identify with the nature of the character - a bit of a geek/slacker - I probably enjoyed it more. Thinking on it, I guess FoD is similar to this in the sense that the story is linear - Y will follow X, but it's how things are handled in between that interests me.

Nemi is based on a character I made up years ago for a forum role play. The idea of exploring a character who isn't really the hero, but more of a 'companion' has always appealed to me because it's not something that I've seen much of in games or fiction.

A more sideline perspective? That'll be interesting.

With regards to the italics I noticed their placement more than their faultiness - you had spaced them out over the whole '"Blahblahblah" said X' rather than just the "Blahblahblah" as would, I think, be proper.

Also: "I could care less." - Gives no indication of how much one cares about a matter. If we were to have a scale from 0-10, with 10 caring the most and 0 as not caring at all, saying "I could care less" would apply from any number from 1-10 inclusive, since with any of those numbers it would be possible to not care as much. The correct phrase is "I couldn't care less", i.e. "I care so little it's not even hypothetically possible for me to care less". Sorry, but this is a pet hate of mine.

Overall this work is a very well written piece, but seems to me a little linear. I was initially doubtful of the forced named female character, but later into the work it became less of an issue when this static identity allowed you to include nicknames and the gender-specific eventualities. The one problem I had with the writing was not in the text proper, but the text of the responses: they didn't seem to incorporate a varied spectrum of responses as would befit different characters. This might push players towards a cluster of overly-similar generic protagonists, which isn't ideal for a choice-game.

As for the story itself, I was a little thrown off when the tuition period came to an end so soon. Any momentum which may have been behind the first choice of where to study (which could have been exploited more, by the way, with a little elaboration on the impact) was stripped away by having the study-period cut short after a few pages and a pittance of decisions. Perhaps consider having one chapter being solely chosing where to study and then completing said studies?

Thanks Drazen.

Re the placement of the italics. As that part is during the 'dream' sequence, I think I was toying with using the italics to seperate the dream parts from the protagonist's actual thoughts - so there's parts where just the dialogue would be italicised, but other parts where a past action was described with the dialogue i.e. 'he said'. It's tricky to look at it without it actually being in italics, so I might play around with it in word and see what it'd actually look like.

I could care less - not sure why I had written that version of the phrase, I would never say it personally! Thanks for picking it up.

I agree about the overly similar responses. Because it's a fairly linear introduction, if I make them vastly different, it'd mean probably making additional changes that I'm not quite prepared to do. I think currently, there's the opportunity to be a fairly sarcastic type, or a fairly reserved type. There's no outright bitchy options though they could be fun, but they'd make less sense at this point as no matter what happens the character is going to finish their studies and return to their family and then join Otho's company.

Regarding the studies...again, this was originally written along the lines of 'where did you complete your studies' and the impact was on the type of medical lore you'd specialise in. The current version is actually a bit more developed but it's still brief because I suppose it's not the focus of the actual story. A chapter of study could be fun to write, but at the same time I'd really have to think about how I can portray past events and transition it to the current time of when her journey with Otho's company begins. I'm already a bit nervous about having a dream sequence in there to recap past decisions, so I wouldn't want to go down that route again.

To include it, I'd also want there to be some actual impact which is difficult when there's little that can be changed at the beginning of the story. It's something I'll think on though, so thank you for bringing it up.

No problem. I will await future updates, then.

I was so bumed when the demo end. Its good. I want more. Great story, and I like the way the choices are. Sigh, now into waiting for the next installment of what could become one of my favorite games...

Love the story. It's rare to find a CoG That lets you choose what kind a personality of sorts. I find that most just ask what type of views your character has. It's well written and an interesting concept- keep up the good work ;;)

One thing I have thought about that I really like is because the main points of the story will stay the same, unlike if your choices changed the story ending by a lot, it gives you the writer time to really put the way you see things and choices/the way people see you/ unlike other games where the choices dictate the end game story. Not that these choices wont impact that, But its a deferment concept then the other games on this site, except for dilemma maybe. If that makes since.

@Antitorpiliko
Thanks for your comments. I'm glad you've enjoyed it so far. Though I've really enjoyed a lot of COG titles and a fair few of the hosted games too, the branching plots can sometimes lead to a somewhat more shallow story I think (as it's a big enough task to cover all of the branching plots). By keeping the story fairly linear it means I can afford to flesh it out a bit more, whilst still giving players a bit of wiggle room in defining the actual character.

@LonelyLady
Thank you for your words. It's nice to know others are enjoying this too. When I play rpgs, it's not the level grinding or dungeon crawling I enjoy, it's the interactions with other characters - NPCS or companions. So I suppose this is focusing on that kind of theme.

@Drazen
I've thought some more on the 'study' phase and I've made a slight tweak to the section with the mentor which gives the player a bit more background regarding their studies. It's not fully fleshed out at the minute, but it allows the player to establish just how studious their character is, and how they spent their spare time. I might revisit this at some point and develop a larger study phase, as I think that could be quite fun. I've also updated my choichscript, so the bold/italics bits should visualise properly now. Hopefully it makes the dream sequence a bit more defined.

@CJW
The challenge will be in how much Nemi can impose her will on the situation. I don't want it to be an entirely sidelined experience - I think to begin with though I can get away with some of the choices being taken away from her as she's a novice in the company. As she gets to know her companions, and show them just what she can do, I think the plan is to show the change in people's perceptions of her, and how much influence she has over events. So to begin with she'll be very much a follower, without much say, but as time progresses, and as her companions respect grows for her (or doesn't!) then maybe she'll have more sway over the types of things the group does. That could lead to some actual branching - I guess I'll just have to see how far I can get!

In truth, the linearity is there to try and and limit the scope. I've started a handful of projects like this (in various different world builders from Adrift to Inform) and always, always failed because I've given myself to much to do. So I want to finish this. If I try and start small, then there's nothing to stop me from expanding upon a limited framework as I grow more comfortable with choicescript (and writing in first person!) which is happening all the time.

@bawpie And I am really glad for this. Its nice to have something different!

@bawpie - Scope problems? Not finishing projects? Story of my life.

So good, want moar

@ AustinPercey: Glad you've enjoyed it!

I'm working on the first chapter now, quite a lot was already written, but I'm adding in an extra scene and implementing some of the aspects that I added to the intro. Still, everyone's feedback so far is really encouraging, so I'm hopeful to have in completed in the next week or two.

@bawpie Sweet. I will wait.

When I read this game I thought of the dialogue choices in dragon age 2. That game can be really entertaing when it comes to wit and sarcasm

@LonelyLady I don't think it's a coincidence, but I am a massive, massive Bioware/Obsidian fan - purely because they tend to let you choose a personality for your character. It's tough sometimes coming up with witty lines as I'm fairly unwitty. I'm very sarcastic though, which is the lowest form of wit apparently (though I'd rather have a low form of wit than none at all!)

Chapter 1 probably won't be ready for a while, as unfortunately I'm not quite happy with the detail (it was written at the time of the original intro and is...as such a bit lacking). Plus the ending needs to be worked on too. I might even have to re-write entire parts. But the good news is, thanks to the Wiki, I'm getting more and more comfortable with the coding side, which is helping me progress a little quicker. I've spent most of this evening coding and writing a nice conversation with one of your new companions which has been a lot of fun. I think I'm going to have at least one nice detailed 'camp fire' conversation per chapter in order to help build up the player relationships with their party. :)

@CJW - sometimes it's through not finishing things that we can learn a lot. Look at all you've contributed to the wiki so far, for instance. But yes, I would love to see this through because I've failed to finish so many things.

Progress?

@Antitorpiliko - I'm hoping to have the first half of chapter 1 up by the end of the week. It's taken a while because I've decided to pretty much rewrite all of it (which has resulted in the chapter being split into two parts)! That's included coding some fairly detailed conversations with two characters and a dice game (took me a while to get the logic right but I think it's there.) Basically this chapter is all about getting to know your new companions, with a little bit of action thrown in towards the end.

Ok, ok. Well I'd like to thank you for the effort your putting in. I hope to play this! :D

Okay, well I've added the first part of chapter 1. It's not long (as it's only half the chapter) but I suppose there's a little more re playability in the chapter as you can't do everything available in one sitting. I'm hoping to have the full chapter completed by the end of next week, but we'll just see how it goes. Given that I have xcom to play, that might not happen (though I haven't played it yet as I was determined to get this bit of the chapter done!) Once again, feedback is appreciated.

I've added in the soft save as described in the wiki here: http://choicescriptdev.wikia.com/wiki/Basic_Scripting_Techniques which means once you hit the end of the chapter, you can restart from a check point, so you can try some of the scenes you might have passed on the first time round.

Also, the game has been added to the wiki WIP hub as well: http://choicescriptdev.wikia.com/wiki/Heal

You, thank her for the meal and dig in.
-theres no need for the comma.
You cast your eyes around camp, and finally settle your gaze on Roy and Markus, who are both sitting playing dice
-Are we going to call him Roy or Robson?

Ok so first play through of the update. I like it. I like the character building with markus and Robson. Going to replay and chat with the others if thats possible. I was sad to see the end, because this is really good. Take all the time you need for the next update, I see this going far!

There's no need for the comma*
Sorry if this seems rude, but... It really irks me to see grammar corrections with poor grammar.
:s

I can see your point CJW, and I always find it interesting to point out grammar errors when I myself suck at grammar. But I felt like I should point it out anyways. Sorry for irking you.

Yeah... Sorry.
I feel like an ass for pointing it out now.
It's nothing personal, just a pet hate.
I usually try to avoid commenting on people's grammar myself, because of exactly that.

I like it. I was thinking though that it might be a good idea to add two different events depending on which healer you choose. With one healer she is by her family so maybe there could be a family event, and in the other one something completely different happens. I feel like no matter which healer i choose it doesn't feel like the experience is different.

Besides that it's cool to play a game there the main character is a girl by default and not a guy.

@Antitorpiliko - thanks for catching those. I've fixed them now. And thanks for your positive comments too, they are much appreciated!

@CJW To be honest, I'd rather just be told about errors like that as I will miss some things (probably a lot of things). But I get what you mean. It depends on context though, say if I'm posting on a forum and someone corrects my grammar and they have terrible grammar then I might get annoyed. But given that I'm asking people to look at my wip, I do want the criticisms as well as the compliments. Otherwise, I might not fix them.

@Victoriya - I see what you mean about the experience not being different enough. After the introduction though, I think there will be differences. For instance, you might encounter someone in a town you know because you met them working at the keep. So some events will be specific to that background and vice versa. And I'm not talking about simple a name swap either.

I suppose initially the idea was to give people an option to specialise in either Crux or Natuera, so how you treated injuries would be entirely different. But now I've essentially allowed the player to specialise in both(as actually it'd be a bit dull if you were only good at one type) if they study hard enough it makes the backgrounds seem a bit redundant. I think it would be nice to expand on the celebration to establish 'friends' in either the keep or the village, but at the minute I want to go in one direction and make sure I actually finish it.

It's funny, but this update has more lines than the introduction, but is a lot shorter because you can only choose some of the options. I suppose that's the trade off I'll have to try and balance.

I get an error when I check the stats

@Krazysnerd - ah thanks for pointing that out. I had incorrectly spelt one of the variables which it didn't like. Fixed now!

Okay, so I tried reading all the comments to make sure this wasn't said, and I don't *think* I saw it, so here goes:
During the beginning stages of the game, after receiving the book of healing from Faye, it asked me what I did during my spare time. I chose "practiced with a bow" and it immediately came up with an error, but then brought me to a page describing practicing bows, but without any option to go back. So I was stuck there..

Besides that error, I liked the game and how it was set up!

@FortunesFaded Thanks for catching that one. Fixed now! Also, glad you enjoyed it so far :)

I've just playtested it. Enjoyed the writing, especially the dicing scene in chapter 2, looking forward to chapter 3.

Looking good!

As for medical dilemmas depending on where you're from I suppose it'll differ. I know there's the classic dilemma of who's rights should be followed in the event of complications at birth where the mother chooses to refuse treatment (i.e. she and the child will die or just the child/mother) based on natural birth or refusal of c-section procedures. Not sure how you'd use that.

Other birth related dilemma's often come under religious belief mantras. As does dilemmas related to blood transfusions (jehovah's witness rights) and con-joined twins etc. Those are all real dilemmas through England/Wales and Europe that will have been ruled on, in some cases differently to say America or other western nations.

There's capacity dilemmas, for example should a child/minor be allowed certain treatments that they themselves requested but don't have the capacity to have the treatment (think birth control for someone under the age of consent - a doctor isn't technically meant to be supplying a means for sexual activity) but I suppose really the examples I have are probably too modern in context for your story. I'll be keen to see what you come up with though. =)

@ Bloodwyche - glad you enjoyed it. The dicing scene was fairly fun to write, though as it's random I had to write potential responses for a lot of different scenarios (of course they're all fairly brief so not too tricky!)

@RVallant - Thanks for the suggestions. I'll probably touch on the religious beliefs one as the 'Daia' healing method is frowned upon by some. That method of healing is going to play quite an important part to the overall story though. I hadn't thought of the child birth one - I think that could be a really interesting one to explore.

Can't say any work has been done on this for the past week, but I've had a few ideas flying around my head that hopefully I'll get down in notepad++ soon!

@bawpie

Random maybe, but still quite well done. Spotted a spelling mistake in the line "It was always a bit to easy to go to the tavern on an evening, rather than concentrate on your studies." it should read "It was always a bit too easy to go to the tavern..."

I was testing again. Had an idea for a sub-plot, lets say the MC selects, "go back into the tavern to get some assistance" then "Remain silent. If Otho wishes to use the artefact as a token to help your brother, then you won't question it." followed by "Shaken. Your brother means the world to you, to see him harmed like this makes you feel weak." and "There's no use dwelling on such things. Otho's intervention meant you'd never need to find out." in chapter one and then in chapter two select ""Well if you're sure?" you respond. No sense in arguing with the man".

This sets up a further series of options where the MC is given the choice of either asserting independence from Otho or displaying an unhealty dependance on him that the other characters notice.

@ Bloodwyche
Thanks for the spot on the spelling error, fixed it now :)

Re the suggestions above about Otho...I'm hoping to make the relationships you build pivotal to the experience. Choices you make will mean you build up better relationships with other characters than others, so I think it would definitely be interesting to have other characters react to how the MC associates with others in the group. A heavy reliance on one character, whether it be Otho or any of the others, won't pass without comment I think - whether there'd be some gentle ribbing if it's apparent the MC has a crush on Otho, to outright disdain if the MC gets a bit too clingy.

@bawpie
Perhaps if the MC does get clingy to Otho or one of the other characters then it turns into jealousy and thence into the classic dilemma/tempation for the MC of using their healing skill to harm.

@bawpie
A further idea. If the MC does not learn to use the bow in the first chapter & does not ask to learn how to fight in the second chapter, have one of the other characters offer to teach her to do so in the next campfire chapter. If the MC says no, the present options allowing the player to chose the reason given for not wanting to learn.

I'm thinking of linking the WIP to the IFDB, but would not do so without your permission.

IFDB?

@Antitorpiliko

Interactive Fiction Database.

@Bloodwyche I like the idea about the combat. As someone who is a healer, it would make sense that the MC might not want to injure others. I'll definitely keep that in mind. I hadn't thought about the MC using the healing skill to harm actually, but that is the plot line of another character that I'm planning to introduce (The people of Kalt view Daia healers with suspicion for a reason!). Still, you've given me something to think about :)

Re linking to IFDB, it's certainly something I'd think of doing at some point, perhaps when I finish the first chapter? I'll admit to have been distracted by Xcom this past week, but there's still lots of ideas bubbling in my head, I just need to get them down!

@bawpie

I look forward to seeing how chapter one changes. Further on the idea about learning to fight, perhaps tie Otho's reaction to whatever decision(s) the MC makes when they make in the scene where Eric goes after Piotr.

I shall never play this unless the MC is a male. >:(

I'd try it once but thats about it. Just cuz its so good.

@Bawpie

Hope the distractions don't last too long. Am eagerly awaiting the updated first chapter and my first glimpse of chapter 3.