I noticed a few spelling mistakes if you choose to kill that theif horrifically.
"This scum ! has robbed and possibly killing people." That ! shouldn't be there.

"He deserve to die horrifiaclly." There should be a "s" at the end of deserve.

"you then thrown dirt on top of his bloody body." you should be You

I am glad someone decided to continue the game, because it had a lot of promise. Best of luck to you and RRR.

Ok rrr isn't killed by slendy.
And the game was good but because my english isn't the best i didn't see those spelling mistakes but still a nice game with good storyline so far

The plot really ought to be planned more thoroughly so that it flows better and appears progressive rather than merely sequential, the spelling and punctuation needs to be revised, and the writing itself should certainly be re-done so as to augment scenes and actions with atmospheric flare, lest it be too blunt to be enjoyable.

Yes i agree with @Drazen the story is too blunt and a confuse writing make it dificult to follow for a non native like me. The story has a lot of spelling problems if a non english found them. There are some words repetition. The story has potencial but sinceraly, i dont like the way its show to pc. Sorry for the critics i wish you luck

WAY too many spelling and grammar issues, you need to take every scene and look it over until its perfect, you have dozens of errors if not hundreds, your writing needs extreme revision.

I agree with Wired here, but I'm pretty sure it's his Punctuation and spelling. Remember,
Grammar is how he words it right. There's more Punctuation errors than Grammar.

Omega [small] update I improved the grammar and punctuation a lot and added a new scene that I believe gives the character more depth. I omitted the naming scene because I wanted to re- do it. Thanks for the for spotting errors and there maybe more grammatical errors that I slip past just post them and I will fix it !
P.S.
Sorry for all the grammatical and punctuation I tryed to push it out Thanksgiving day when it really wasn't ready.
http://dl.dropbox.com/u/107554226/web/web/mygame/index.html

New updated link
http://dl.dropbox.com/u/107554226/web/mygame/index.html

I got a error with the new link after 17 years flee away page:
Error: line 6: invalid indent, expected 2, was 1
Scene: variables

I believe it is fixed @Marajade

@Zane

Whoa, Kinda blunt man, by that I mean it goes by way to fast for me to even dive into the story, try to avoid it by being alot more detailed, like what people are wearing, how the character feel, the surroundings, thoughts in rushing around in your head, facial expressions stuff like that.

I feel the first Scene might be way too fast, Id like to see a more detailed struggle between you and the Would be robber, and the start is super blunt it needs to be written out more like make the person care about their parents like paint a picture of what it was like with parents vs what it was like after your parents were killed and how it changed the protagonist...

And, maybe paint a picture being out alone, I feel like an Orphan traveling around the world needs alot of explaining, I really dont see how you could do that unless your parents had some money somewhere but then that would make the game sound like a batman rip off, another thing that kinda jumped out, I know your a self-made hero and all but you start off already with so much martial art mastery already, All hero movies slowly build up from when being a hero occurred to them they always show before becoming a hero and what lead to it in a very drawn out manner, Examples: Spider-man, Batman, Kick-Ass, Green whatever, Fantastic Four, Hulk you have the blue print you just need to build on the story some more by writing in-depth and adding more detail and giving us a reason why to care for the characters.

Sorry, that im dragging this message out but I see alot of potential, really like the idea of the game but, All Heros need Character Development its important, Like you should have a few Chapters that go through training and stuff so its not just "You spent years mastering tons of Martial Arts, you are a Killing Machine on Steriods!"

Good luck Zane, Im not that great of a writer but, if you need any critics or help coding on the game I'll help. :P

GAME under construction dont play until I give the ok that is all.

@zane Okay :P looking forward to it

construction is over the game is less blunt and more flows also more writing.
http://dl.dropbox.com/u/107554226/web/mygame/index.html

I noticed when you pick girl and your fighting with Becky you keep switching from she to he
"You push her fat arm to the left.Almost simultaneously swing your right arm all the way back and hit his face with brute, blunt force. Becky's head sudden jerks back with the rest of hes body to follow."

It seems to do that through out the rest of the game as well.

“I have been taken by Satan into the highest mountain in the earth, and when there he said he to me, ‘Child of earth, what wouldst thou have to make thee adore me?’ I replied, ‘Listen, I wish to be Providence myself, for I feel that the most beautiful, noblest, most sublime thing in the world, is to recompense and punish.”
― Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo

Error fixed reaper interesting quote

Thought it fit seeing as your essentially the quote itself, and I noticed after you finish the last scene the game loops to when you fight Becky. Also just thought I'd throw this out there, maybe you could find a bunch of different books on revenge, and then have the players select which one is the MC's favorite and at some point in the game you could be talking to a detective and he could ask you something like what happened to you, with which you could respond with your MC's Favorite quote.


Actually you could just have a bunch of quotes on revenge and have people pick their MC's favorite and incorporate it into a scene kind of like I just stated

@zane

The game is really showing potential now! Its amazing how you improved it and built upon it but the one part I wanted to know more about is traveling around to Thailand and Africa and training in those places, very amazing man!! Love how this game is turning out <3, and alot more detail was added man great job! keep up the work!

Omega update along with *if error

I kinda feel like the game should build up to becoming a hero and learning martial arts, like you choose were you travel to and you learn martial arts there and depending on what type of martial arts you pick it ups your speed or intelligence. I don't know just more introductory scene it went way to fast. But overall much improvement. And are you going to incorporate an intelligence stat? like the higher it is you notice little details that help you make decisions fighting baddies. Like maybe you infiltrate a bad guys base and you can choose to clump up to the roof or go through the unlocked back door but if you have high intelligence you notice a sniper on the roof of a building across the street that would see you if you tried to climb.

You have to be the good hero or is a posibility of be a antihero avenger who only thinks in kill bad guys and not in save the inocents

Error after to jump the page with the fridge and spoiler milk
Error: line 422: Illegal mixing of spaces and tabs; this line has a tab, but there were spaces on line 421
Scene: animal

@MaraJade I dont see the error and I was trying to create a chart for the stats like the Choice of Dragon but I dont know how.

No problem now maybe fix alone or i see a ghost

feedback is advised
Alpha (big) update
http://dl.dropbox.com/u/107554226/web/mygame/index.html

I will try this again and give feedback

You remember it fondly.It was August 28, 1992.You were five, your mother was wearing he favorite blue velvet coat ,oh how you remember the gentle feel of it. He should be her and, after coat then space not other way around and space after the period

. No, you were too young to put too and too together but you knew it was strange. Two and two not too and too also comma after together

It was only a matter of time it was all your fault their dead you suppose and this hurts more than the massacre itself. They're not their, comma after dead

You saw the men eyeing your family since before you got out the car. No since just before, of between out and the car

. As you and your parents turned to get your the car in the dark, vast parking lot. Your or the not hoth

It sped up forward and you and your parents ran to through the parking lot almost pitch black but lit due to the small glow of the headlights. Should be ran through the almost pich black parking lot

. That's when the gunshots happened the loud bangs kept going until The ski masked man stopped a womanly voice said "I saw them with a kid get him". Comma after said, comma after happened, the ski masked man has no capitals on the the. And when not until.

. The man in the ski mask said in a scared tone "what ever let’s just get out of here before the police come, I just wanted to get them". Comma after tone

. In the light was your dad beaten his body tore. Comma after dad, torn apart not tore

. You saw your mother her blue velvet covered by spots of dried blood from gunshot wounds. Comma after mother

All fixed! how is the game overall as in the flow and interest.

The only feeling that held you were the sting of tears in your eyes. then finally the hot,salty feeling of the tears coming down your eyes. Your greatest fear was realized a life without your parents.Maybe if you went out their you would be with them right now. As you sat in the police car with the golden box in your hand. You opened the box to reveal a drummer boy with the words "Christmas time" written at the bottom. Ok so space between hot, and salty, no the in the tears, coming from your eyes not coming down your eyes. Comma after realized space between parent. And Maybe, out there not their.

You been taken a beating since you got here and its time for it to stop. You have to win for the respect and dignity. You have to win.The biggest kid in the orphanage Billy, was next to fight.He walks up to you and laughingly says "I'm going to mess you up, kid. You could leave now you know".You spit in his face."Well have it your way" he says after wiping the dry sod of his face.He throws a strong left hand at you. Space between face. And He, you have been taking a beating, space between win. And the, orphanage has a comma after it, space between fight. And He comma after says, space between know". And You, space vetween face. And He

You push his fat arm to the left.Almost simultaneously swing your right arm all the way back and hit his face with brute, blunt force. Billy's head sudden jerks back with the rest of his body to follow.His blood and tooth coming out mid-air.Billy hits the ground with a thump. Left. And almost need space, you before almost, suddenly not sudden, comma after back, follow. And His need space, air. And Billy need space

You wipe the dry blood of your face You look at the vividly bright sky. You would kill to come out of the cramp space to the warm inviting sun.You hear your name being called over and over it must be Mick. He yells.... off not of, face needs a period after it, spave between sun. And You, both overs needs commas after them

"Josh there's a guy downstairs he wants to see you " he said almost enthusiastically.You bring your battered body down the old, wooden stairs. After name it needs a comma, says not said, enthusiastically. And You need space

He whispered in your ear "hey Josh I like the way you beat that kid to a pulp. Here’s the deal I'll take you in and you will fight for me." You nod in an agreed silence. Comma after ear

You open the old rusty fridge to find a container of spoiled milk. Comma after old

Ok.... so there are WAY too many spelling and grammar errors email me your stuff and ill edit it later this weekend ok? Email: WiReDcHiMpAnZeE At gmail dot com

Maybe sooner than this weekend

thank you grammar isn't my strong suit t includes woman but it is a lot it includes woman coding too

K got it ill work on it later possibly tommorow