*title Tally Ho *author Kreg Segall *scene_list startup train $ ritornello $ foxhunt $ dinner $ baccarat $ parlor $ harvest $ epilogue *create namechosen false *create bold 25 *create culture 25 *create intellect 25 *create soothing 50 *create observe 25 *create persuade 25 *create skullduggery 25 *create renown 10 *create invitation 20 *create tranquility 20 *create appearance 10 *create engagement 45 *create readies 25 *create rep_rory 40 *create rep_mopsie 100 *create rep_primrose 30 *create rep_frank 30 *create rep_firesnuff 25 *create rep_regina 25 *create rep_val 25 *create rep_haze 30 *create rep_trina 50 *create figsmopsie 20 *create suspicion 10 *create suspicion_rory 40 *create suspicion_val 40 *create suspicion_haze 40 *create suspicion_figs 40 *create suspicion_regina 40 *create know_val false *create know_frank false *create know_primrose false *create know_firesnuff false *create know_regina false *create know_haze false *create know_figsmopsie false *create know_invitation false *create know_ambrose false *create know_mopsie false *create investigation_begins false *create fname "Kreg" *create name "Segall" *create title "Mr." *create job "valet" *create sex "man" *create mc_he "he" *create mc_his "his" *create mc_him "him" *create codename "The Professor" *create rory_title "Mr." *create rory_he "he" *create rory_his "his" *create rory_him "him" *create rory_sex "man" *create rorysir "sir" *create rorymr "Mr." *create rory_nephew "nephew" *create frank_sex "woman" *create frank_he "she" *create frank_him "her" *create frank_his "her" *create frankmr "Miss" *create haze_sex "woman" *create haze_he "she" *create haze_his "her" *create haze_him "her" *create haze_name "Hazel" *create hazemr "Miss" *create foxhunt false *create clock 0 *create love_int "none" *create love_int2 "none" *create mission "none" *comment Things about Valentine *create val_sex "woman" *create val_he "she" *create val_his "her" *create val_him "her" *create val_job "lady's maid" *create val_skill 15 *create val_important "molding" *create val_secret_known false *create kissed_val false *create status "employed" *create vallock false *comment Facts about the main character *create vegetarian false *create tamer false *create thief false *create gallery false *create pugilist false *create entree "" *create dessert "" *create driver false *create trainleap true *comment Tests what the highest stat is *create mainstat "" *create mainstatval 0 *comment Things about Mopsie *create mopsie_annoying false *create mopsie_sweet false *create mopsie_mischief false *create mop_hug false *create mop_cleo false *create mop_match false *create mop_promised false *comment This is for an achievement *create kiss_messenger 0 *create smash 0 *comment for the Dinner Chapter *create mopsie_poem "intact" *comment Values for the Baccarat Chapter *create fieldingpunch 0 *create patrol false *create dogs false *create trust false *create thrillme false *create found_haze_map false *create primrose_secret false *create primrose_secret_firesnuff false *create gazebo false *create attracted_haze false *create sex_with_haze false *create wedding_on false *create hollis 0 *create mauve 0 *create found_mopsie_mask false *create found_haze_mask false *create ch5mopsietalk false *create heist "unplanned" *create haze_confront false *create romanwall false *create onetwopunch 0 *create shambles false *create shambles_friend false *create oakleaf false *create alarm 0 *create fs_mood 50 *create loot false *create book_unknown false *comment Values for Parlor chapter *create stripped 0 *create dislocate false *create coshlost false *create re_entry_evidence false *create lostbutton false *create damaged_pen false *create plaster false *create tokay 0 *create swim 0 *create peacock_status "penned" *create motto "none" *create scarf true *create tellonhaze false *create ambrosechat false *create suspect "None" *create met_hardcastle false *comment Things About Your Relationship with Rory *create gambit "none" *create triangle false *create loverory false *create lovefrank false *create lustfrank false *create emotionally false *create kissed_rory false *create threesome false *create rorylock false *create tension false *comment Things About Your Relationship with Frankincence *create relationship "" *create engage_goal "unknown" *create missed_gazebo false *create kissed_frank false *create franklock false *comment Values for Harvest Festival *create prof_cocoa_anger false *create prof_cocoa_forgive false *create prof_poem_anger false *create prof_poem_forgive false *create prof_ring_anger false *create prof_anger false *create prof_ok false *create ring false *comment below two are used in Dinner and Harvest chapters *create hair "none" *create costume "none" *create knockout false *create nodrill false *comment Values for Fox Hunt *create huntbrag false *create huntlessons false *create demerit_mimic false *create demerit_mimic2 false *create restaurant_wager false *create teapot_wager false *create painting_status "unknown" *comment values for Parlor scene *create haze_tells_on_you false *create ambrose_searched false *create primrose_searched false *create firesnuff_searched false *create frank_searched false *create haze_searched false *create regina_searched false *create mopsie_searched false *create rory_searched false *create valentine_searched false *create primrose_thorough false *create ambrose_thorough false *create firesnuff_thorough false *create frank_thorough false *create haze_thorough false *create mopsie_thorough false *create regina_thorough false *create rory_thorough false *create valentine_thorough false *comment Values for Chapter Three *create portrait_received false *create portrait_rejected false *create portrait_permission false *create handprint false *create buyjewels false *create buytaffy false *create yourgift_hairstick false *create yourgift_needlepoint false *create yourgift_nothing false *create yourgift_repairedneedlepoint false *create firesnuffgift_hairstick false *create firesnuffgift_doily false *create firesnuffgift_nothing false *create firesnuffgift_tobacco false *create firesnuffgift_taffy false *create altercation false *create pickpocketed_firesnuff false *comment Stuff for Regina *create aware_val false *create help_regina true *create spyvspy false *create bracelet false *create trinawound false *comment stuff for the Harvest chapter *create goad false *create ch8start "X" *create hazelock false *create jabs_info false *create mopsie_bribe 0 *create boatspeed 60 *create boattough 60 *create boatpretty 60 *create boatlook "unknown" *create herbs false *create birdherbs false *create prisoner "none" *create deal false *create hat "none" *create hazebait false *create rower2 "X" *create policecamera false *create know_fifi false *create sabotage false *create warnhaze false *create hazehand false *create icedcream "vanilla" *create tawdry "intact" *create drximpressed false *create rep_peacocks 15 *create yak 40 *create porpey false *comment the below stat is if you discover the cheater for the boat race back in ch.6 *create cheater_known false *comment The below two say Rory and/or Mopsie are forgiven by Primrose; if you do the heist, Rory will be forgiven; if you get the loot, Mopsie will be too. *create mopsie_forgiven false *create rory_forgiven false *create val_end "unknown" *create haze_end "unknown" *create boat "unknown" *comment values for Chapter Four *create ch4start "" *comment Stuff for Firesnuff *create champagne_theft false *create attempt_champagne_theft false *create watch_theft false *create watch_theft_aware false *create stole_tobacco_case false *create fellow_writer false *create blackmail_firesnuff false *create found_firesnuff_manuscript false *create found_firesnuff_letter false *create firesnuff_insight false *comment Stuff for Ambrose *create ambrose_name "unknown" *create drx_name "" *comment How you get to Ritornello *create late false *create went_regina false *comment below is for epilogues *create romance "none" *create future "none" *create wistful_val false *create maybesomeday false *create starpower 1 *create birds "Primrose" *create boat1 "" *create terrible_debt false *create research_firesnuff false *create breadmares false *create breadembargo false *create bakerprimrose false *create jabs_sponsor false *create mopsie_shape "none" *create monaco false *create lam false *achievement lovelyevening visible 10 Hospitality A fine evening for Aunt Primrose, and a generous loan for Rory. *achievement allaboard visible 10 All Aboard! You boarded the train. *achievement trainsneak1 visible 10 Upgrade You upgraded your ticket to second class. You upgraded your ticket to second class. In a manner of speaking. *achievement trainsneak2 visible 10 Elite Upgrade You upgraded your ticket to first class. You upgraded your ticket to first class. In a sense. *achievement sass visible 10 Alias Failure You were so incompetent at choosing an alias that this narrative must cease here in chapter two. *achievement nospilling visible 10 Without Spilling a Drop You poured a cup of perfectly steeped tea while on a moving motorcycle during a death-defying chase scene without spilling a drop. *achievement badtrains visible 10 Bad at Trains You missed the same train twice. *achievement peridotsteal visible 10 Jewel Theft You acquired the peridot hairstick by theft. *achievement dewybrow visible 10 Dewy Brow You delivered a kiss upon arriving at Ritornello. *achievement flessing visible 10 A Flessing in Disguise You changed an "F" into a "B." *achievement bettergift visible 10 A Superior Gift You ensured that Rory gave a superior birthday gift to Aunt Primrose. *achievement twomasks hidden 10 Two Masks hidden You found two masks while searching Ritornello. *achievement tool visible 10 A Well-Known Narrative Tool The action slowed down so that you were able to savor the moment. *achievement huntsnack visible 10 Post-Hunt Refreshment The Post-Fox Hunt Refreshment was of the highest quality. *achievement dewier visible 10 Dewier Brow You delivered a second kiss during the fox hunt. *achievement green visible 10 When I Was Green in Judgment You are green. *achievement juggle visible 10 When I'm Calling You You juggled, balanced, and sang a touching love song. *achievement spartacus visible 10 I'm Spartacus At least three people were willing to play along with your new party game at dinner. *achievement sultan visible 10 The Sultan You purchased The Sultan. *achievement notindisguise visible 15 Made it through the Main Course Dinner has proceeded through the main course, and you are still wearing your clothes. *achievement valfired hidden 10 Valentine is Sacked! hidden Valentine has been sacked. *achievement whoopie visible 10 The Banister You descend the stairs in a most unorthodox manner, offering a gleeful sound as you do. *achievement fieldingpunch visible 10 Poor Fielding You knocked Fielding out twice in one day. *achievement irony visible 10 Dramatic Irony You experience a moment of dramatic irony. *achievement catliketread visible 15 Cat-Like Tread Infiltrate the Mudwasps without raising the alarm in the slightest. *achievement cartography visible 10 Criminal Cartography You have a map that will help you catch a thief. *achievement sell visible 10 Sell Like It's 1935 Make Rory look strong. You made Rory look strong. *achievement loot visible 15 Retrieve the Loot You kept Light-Fingered Lou from getting away with the loot. *achievement whoneedsher visible 15 In the Lair of Dr. X You got into Dr. X's without any help. You didn't need Trina's help to get into Dr. X's. *achievement twomissions visible 10 Two Missions Successful Successfully complete two information-gathering missions in Dr. X's lair. *achievement briefcase hidden 10 Handed Over hidden Dr. X gives you the briefcase, just like that. *achievement totallie visible 10 Lie to Her Face Tell a total lie to a crying child who longs to believe that there is some goodness in this world. *achievement thetalk visible 10 The Talk Have "The Talk" with Trina. *achievement noscar visible 10 Without a Scratch Trina did not get physically injured during the caper. *achievement oakleaf visible 10 The Oak Leaf and the Roman Wall The oak leaf reminds you. *achievement gazebo visible 10 The Gazebo You attend an assignation in the gazebo. *achievement cluesdestroy visible 10 Tampering with Evidence You have destroyed a crucial notebook. *achievement bracelet visible 10 Friendship Bracelet You have received a friendship bracelet. *achievement shambles hidden 10 Shambles hidden You have won the devotion of Shambles. *achievement quarry visible 10 Hard Labor You are sent away to prison and sentenced to hard labor. *achievement hardcastledeal visible 10 A Dirty Deal You made a deal with the devil. *achievement fugitive visible 10 On the Lam You escaped jail and are on the lam. *achievement noarrest visible 10 Not Guilty Nobody at all was arrested. *achievement prisonbreak visible 10 There When They Needed You You were able to extract someone from jail. *achievement failedrescue visible 10 There They Remain Your attempt to perform a prison break was less than successful. *achievement goad visible 10 Bait for a Theft The media and the town at large are convinced that you are Light-Fingered Lou. *achievement mopsieshape visible 15 Mopsie Matures Your words changed Mopsie for good or for ill. *achievement birdsfreewill visible 10 The Birds Choose You The peafowl choose to remain of their own free will. *achievement gilawin hidden 10 Gila Monsters are Better than Yaks hidden Shambles takes the blue ribbon at the Exotic Animal Show. *achievement birdswin visible 10 Peacocks are Better than Yaks Sanchi-San, Orlando, and Galatea take the blue ribbon at the Exotic Animal Show. *achievement india visible 10 A Journey to the East The three peafowl take an exciting journey. *achievement deadrower visible 10 Nearly a Dead Rower Nearly drown in Dead Rower's Bend. *achievement miracle visible 10 The Miracle of Life Experience the miracle of childbirth on the river. *achievement champion visible 10 The Champion You have defeated The Champion. *achievement firstplace visible 15 A Racer of Great Renown You have won the boat race, bringing untold glory to Ritornello. *achievement lflcaught visible 15 Light-Fingered Lou Captured at Last You were instrumental in the capture of Light-Fingered Lou. *achievement pennywhistles visible 10 The Pennywhistles Captured You got the Pennywhistles arrested. *achievement teapot visible 10 A Little Teapot You are both short and stout. *achievement cordbet visible 10 An Unlikely Victory and a Profitable Wager You successfully bet on the Cordwainers to win the boat race. *achievement figsmopsie visible 15 Figs and Mopsie Figs and Mopsie have received permission to marry. *achievement marriedatsea hidden 10 Married at Sea hidden A wedding is conducted in a time-honored fashion. *achievement monaco hidden 10 Monte Carlo hidden You and Haze end up in Monte Carlo for a life of pleasure and thrills. *achievement rainy hidden 10 A Rainy Morning hidden You and Valentine remain in England. *achievement hollywood hidden 10 Hollywood hidden You and Valentine find yourselves in Hollywood. *achievement past hidden 10 The Past Recaptured hidden You and Frankincense have found love. *achievement delight hidden 10 Decadence and Delight hidden You and Haze take your pleasure where you can find it. *achievement breakfast hidden 10 Breakfast in Bed hidden Rory makes you breakfast in bed. *achievement three hidden 10 A Charming Living Arrangment hidden You, Frankincense, and Rory will not be bound by traditional romantic notions. *achievement inner hidden 25 In the Service of the Inner Circle hidden You are a trusted agent of the Inner Circle of the Cadbury Club. *achievement heist hidden 25 A Thrilling Heist hidden You are a shadowy sneak thief. *achievement election hidden 25 Election Night hidden You explore the fast-paced world of local politics. *achievement publish hidden 25 Dr. X hidden You choose to join the mysterious syndicate of Dr. X. *achievement distanceservice hidden 25 Service from a Distance hidden You are far away, but you still serve Rory. *achievement fifi hidden 25 Fifi Buttercup hidden You take a position with Fifi Buttercup. *achievement lord hidden 25 High Status hidden You take a position with a titled family. *achievement randf hidden 25 A New Family hidden You serve Rory and Frankincense as they start their life together. *achievement normal visible 25 A Return to Normalcy At the end of it all, things are, more or less, as they were. *achievement rising hidden 25 A Rising Star hidden You are, however briefly, famous. *achievement choose hidden 25 The Freedom to Choose hidden You have the time and freedom to choose your own path. *temp waithours false *temp gotit false *temp theoldoil false *temp coffee false *temp tea false *temp cocktail false *temp oolong false *temp outfit false *temp sillyoutfit false *temp verysillyoutfit false *temp time 0 *temp foodcomplex 0 *temp dinner_difficulty 0 *temp cribsheet false *temp cribquality 0 *temp bookbluff false *temp bluffquality 0 *temp encourage false *temp yummy false *temp yucky false *temp playful false *temp method false *temp irritated false *temp diversion false *if not(choice_is_web or choice_is_steam) *temp skip_description *config skip_description false *if skip_description *goto purchased *check_purchase adfree *if choice_purchase_supported and not(choice_purchased_adfree) Only a perfect servant can solve a perfect mess! Being the perfect gentleman's gentleman or lady's lady doesn't make you an angel. Can you untangle your employer's knottiest problems with elegance and unruffled grace?* As the valet or lady's maid of Rory Wintermint, you'll go head to head with recalcitrant aunts, light-handed houseguests, manage a fox hunt and corral exotic birds! [i]Tally Ho[/i] is a 600,000 word interactive comedy of manners by Kreg Segall, where your choices control the story. It's entirely text-based—without graphics or sound effects—and fueled by the vast, unstoppable power of your imagination. It's England between the wars, and the 1920s are roaring! When your employer, a proper young gentleman or lady named Rory Wintermint is summoned to their aunt Primrose's country house Ritornello for a weekend, it's up to you to make everything run smoothly...or not! Glide gracefully behind the scenes to arrange everything from the flowers to their love life, or leave Rory to their own devices as you pursue crime, adventure, and romance! Will you lie, cheat, and steal to ensure your employer's happiness, or will you insist upon personal integrity? • Play as male, female, or non-binary; gay or straight.[n/] • Help Rory sort out their love life, or sabotage it utterly.[n/] • Solve the case of a mysterious sneak-thief--or join them on a crime spree.[n/] • Aid spies, evade the law, calm flighty flappers, and unruffle Aunt Primrose[n/] • Win an Exotic Animal Show and a boat race fairly, or cheat![n/] • Dance the lindy hop, or a graceful waltz—or just tut disapprovingly.[n/] • Ride trains, motorcycles, zip-lines, bicycles, horses, and rusty jalopies![n/] • Jazz it up in the Jazz Age, or remain aloof and cool as a cucumber. You'll be swinging from the chandeliers or serving the canapes in this madcap, but altogether elegant comedy. *if choice_prerelease [i]You can play the first two chapters of the game for free today. The rest of the game will be available on ${choice_release_date}.[/i] *choice #Sign up to be notified when the game is available. *subscribe {"now": true} *restart #Play the first two chapters now for free. *goto purchased [i]You can play the first two chapters of the game for free. Purchase the rest of the game below.[/i] *if choice_is_advertising_supported [i]Purchasing the rest of the game will also turn off in-game advertisements.[/i] *purchase_discount adfree 2017-12-21 $7.99 $4.99 purchased *if choice_is_advertising_supported *page_break_advertisement *if not(choice_is_advertising_supported) *page_break Play Now for Free *label purchased *text_image chap_1.png center One: At Your Service Standing at the front window of your employer's flat, you take a moment's respite from your cleaning tasks to enjoy the sights and sounds of a late October afternoon in the better part of London. A cool breeze wafts through the window almost playfully, as if to say all is well with the world—but the moment does not last, as a groan issues from the master bedroom, followed by a muffled crash and then a sort of whimper. Your employer, Rory Wintermint, was out quite late last night, and was helped back to the flat by some friends, in what might be termed an "impaired state" after an evening's carousing. You have taken advantage of the morning's quiet to do some tidying, all of the ironing, and the dishes. Now it is late afternoon, and your employer appears to have finally awakened. Another groan and some incoherent gurgles emerge as you stride to the kitchen and prepare Rory's tray. What is on the tray you have prepared? *fake_choice #A hearty platter of seeded rye toast with butter, three link sausages, four scrambled eggs with a dash of hot pepper, and two large mugs of extraordinarily strong black coffee. *set bold %+15 *set soothing %-10 *set coffee true After a night on the town, Rory will need a hearty breakfast and a great deal of coffee to get through the day with some measure of coherence. You ensure that more water is boiling, in case additional coffee needs to be brought to bear. #A calming cup of chamomile tea and an antacid tablet. *set soothing %+15 *set bold %-10 *set tea true You suspect that the sensitive state of Rory's stomach this morning will require a comforting cup of tea and a medicinal remedy. #A cocktail cunningly designed to ease Rory's hangover. *set intellect %+15 *set soothing %-10 *set cocktail true Your employer is an advocate of the "hair of the dog that bit you" school of awakening after a night out, and you have prepared a bracing tonic that you are certain will revive your employer to some extent. #An attractive iris in a bud vase and a cup of fragrant oolong tea. *set culture %+15 *set bold %-10 *set oolong true Your employer's eyes and palate will be sensitive after a long night out, and a fragrant, floral tea and a blossom will, you suspect, offer a gentle and attractive welcome to the day. You began working for Rory about five years ago, when you answered an advertisement in the back of a fashionable monthly magazine asking for… *fake_choice #…a man who could serve as a gentleman's gentleman. *set title "Mr." *set sex "man" *set job "valet" *set mc_he "he" *set mc_his "his" *set mc_him "him" *set rory_he "he" *set rory_his "his" *set rory_him "him" *set rory_sex "man" *set rorysir "sir" *set rorymr "Mr." *set rory_nephew "nephew" *set rory_title "gentleman" *set frank_sex "woman" *set frank_he "she" *set frank_him "her" *set frank_his "her" *set frankmr "Miss" #…a woman who could serve as a lady's maid. *set title "Miss" *set sex "woman" *set job "lady's maid" *set mc_he "she" *set mc_his "her" *set mc_him "her" *set rory_title "lady" *set rorysir "madam" *set rorymr "Miss" *set rory_nephew "niece" *set rory_he "she" *set rory_his "her" *set rory_him "her" *set rory_sex "woman" *set frank_sex "man" *set frank_he "he" *set frank_him "him" *set frank_his "his" *set frankmr "Mr." #…a person who could serve as a lady's servant. *set title "Myr" *set sex "person" *set job "lady's servant" *set mc_he "they" *set mc_his "their" *set mc_him "them" *set rory_title "lady" *set rorysir "madam" *set rorymr "Miss" *set rory_nephew "niece" *set rory_he "she" *set rory_his "her" *set rory_him "her" *set rory_sex "woman" *set frank_sex "man" *set frank_he "he" *set frank_him "him" *set frank_his "his" *set frankmr "Mr." #…a person who could serve as a gentleman's servant. *set title "Myr" *set sex "person" *set job "gentleman's servant" *set mc_he "they" *set mc_his "their" *set mc_him "them" *set rory_he "he" *set rory_his "his" *set rory_him "him" *set rory_sex "man" *set rorysir "sir" *set rorymr "Mr." *set rory_nephew "nephew" *set rory_title "gentleman" *set frank_sex "woman" *set frank_he "she" *set frank_him "her" *set frank_his "her" *set frankmr "Miss" Rory Wintermint was a young ${rory_sex} of the leisure class, known amongst those in service as a person of whom something might be made if the right ${job} took ${rory_him} in hand firmly. The advertised position noted that the position would require some simple cooking and light housekeeping, in addition to maintaining Rory's sartorial elegance. As the position looked acceptable, and you were presently in search of gainful employment after leaving the Cygnet-Signet family's employ, you wrote a letter of interest, and were gratified to receive a request for an interview. The interview, as you recall, was not a grueling one. Rory was sitting at ${rory_his} piano, idly playing the first few notes of a popular tune, sipping a clear cocktail, and glancing briefly at the letter you had written. "Good morning," Rory said. "Now, I'm not really what you would call an interviewing expert. But let's have a go and see what you're all about. You can't be worse than the last three blighters. If I seem out of sorts, it's because my well-meaning-but-meddling Aunt Primrose has wagered that I would be unable to quit smoking, which I have done successfully. Indeed, I have quit smoking every day for the past two weeks. Today makes two hours in a row that I've gone without. But she seems to feel that she's won the wager. Tell me, what is your opinion of interfering aunts?" That was ${rory_his} first question to you when you met five years ago. How did you respond? *fake_choice #I sympathized with ${rory_him} regarding this Aunt Primrose, saying she sounded difficult to please but clearly loves ${rory_him}. *set soothing %+10 *set observe %-10 *set rep_primrose %+10 "It's not at all clear to me," Rory said, leaning ${rory_his} head on the piano for a moment and heaving a sigh. "I suppose it may be possible that ogres or trolls have deep feelings for their kin, but I have seen little to no evidence of it. But you may be right. Her behavior may be motivated by some misguided sense of familial devotion." #I spoke out rather directly on how sensible such an aunt sounds, and that she ought to be obeyed. *set soothing %-10 *set culture %+10 *set rep_primrose %+10 *set rep_rory %-10 "An intelligent-sounding aunt," you said. "I would heed her words. She sounds like someone whom you ought to heed. That is my sense of the situation." "Ah," said Rory. You remained implacable. "I see. Well. I don't mind telling you that you have lost a few points there." "I speak only the truth, ${rorysir}." "Mm." #I told ${rory_him} in no uncertain terms that Aunt Primrose sounded like a menace to all right-thinking people. *set bold %+10 *set soothing %-10 *set rep_primrose %-10 "Menace is a good word for it," Rory said, nodding. "I applaud your pithiness, and I suspect you must have one or more aunts as well. I feel sorry for you." #I said, "Indeed, ${rorysir}?" *set soothing %+10 *set intellect %-10 Rory paused to see if you intended to continue, and seeing that you were remaining respectfully silent, charged forward. "Very much indeed, I should say. I'm in my prime, and she need not make idle wagers with me to influence my behavior." Rory looked around for a pen to make a note and, finding none, took a drink. "Now, let me see, what did you say your name was? I suppose I should have asked that first. I imagine it says somewhere on your letter, but I seem to have misplaced it." "My given name is…" *label choosefname *fake_choice #"…Oscar." *set fname "Oscar" #"…Reginald." *set fname "Reginald" #"…Alfred." *set fname "Alfred" #"…Waylon." *set fname "Waylon" #"…Dorine." *set fname "Dorine" #"…Anna." *set fname "Anna" #"…Maria." *set fname "Maria" #"…Columbina." *set fname "Columbina" #I'll make up my own first name. But of course; and what is your first name? *input_text fname *if fname = "Rory" "I beg your pardon, but you may have misunderstood," Rory said. "Perfectly understandable. Rory is my given name, not yours. What is [i]your[/i] first name?" *goto choosefname *if fname = "Mopsie" "Ah," says Rory, considering. "That is my cousin's name. As such, it would be rather inconvenient if I had a servant of that name. No doubt you have some other name that you go by. You understand." *goto choosefname *if fname = "Primrose" "Oh, dear," Rory says, with wrinkled nose. "No, no, no, that is my aunt's name. It will not do. No, no, perhaps you might choose some nickname or the like. Otherwise there shall be all sorts of confusion." *goto choosefname *if fname = "Haze" "Sort of a modern name, isn't that? I don't know that I care for it. I see all sorts of problems there. Perhaps you might consider calling yourself by some other, alternative name. Just to make things a bit easier on everyone." *goto choosefname *if fname = "Valentine" "That's an interesting sort of name, now, isn't it? Shakespearean? At any rate, I just have a bad feeling about it. I have the odd sensation in the area of my abdomen that your name will lead to all sorts of trouble down the road. Perhaps you might consider calling yourself by some other, alternative name. Just to make things a bit easier on everyone." *goto choosefname *if fname = "Frankincense" Rory startles. "What? No. No, no, no, that's not quite right. That can't be your name. That is someone else's name with whom I am, ah, close. In a way. It will lead to confusion. No doubt you have some other name that you go by. You understand." *goto choosefname *if fname = "Ernie" "Ah, that's the same name as the president of my club!" says Rory happily. "The name smacks of good cheer and a touch of joviality. That's fun." *if ((fname = "Gilberto") or (fname = "Vyv")) Rory's face lights up. "Ah! I have a club mate by that name. Delightful. I am used to saying it, so that shall work out well." "My given name is ${fname}," you said. "However, naturally, I am accustomed to being addressed by my surname, which is…" *label choosename *fake_choice #"…Passepartout." *set name "Passepartout" #"…Betteredge." *set name "Betteredge" #"…Poppins." *set name "Poppins" #"…Hudson." *set name "Hudson" #I'll make up my own last name. An excellent choice. And what is your last name? *input_text name *if name = "Wintermint" "I do apologize, but I fear we've got our wires crossed. Wintermint is my surname. Think nothing of it. What is your surname?" Rory asked. *goto choosename *set namechosen true "Very good, very good, ${name}," Rory said. "Now let me see. There are particular sorts of questions one asks in this situation. What would you say your best quality is?" *fake_choice #"People find themselves fond of me. I have an inimitable way about me that is difficult to resist." *set soothing %+15 "Yes, I can see that," said Rory, leaning forward and peering at your face with interest. "There is a certain [i]je ne sais quoi[/i] about you that is charming. Hm. That's a strong argument in your favor." You laughed and smiled at Rory, and ${rory_he} smiled back. #"I am well versed in the liberal arts. One might call me something of a polymath." *set culture %+15 "This may come in handy," Rory said, pondering. "An apt literary quotation can often impress. Can you quote a bit of literature off the cuff?" "Of course," you said, clearing your throat. "[i]Celery, raw, develops the jaw / But celery, stewed, is more quietly chewed.[/i]" Rory applauded quietly. "Oh, very fine. Shakespeare, isn't that?" "No, Ogden Nash, I believe." "Hm!" Rory said. "Excellent." #"It has been said of me that I have a keen and penetrating mind. One that I would be pleased to use in your service." *set intellect %+15 "There are times when some of the more obscure clues in the daily crossword elude me," Rory admitted. "Someone like you could be useful to have about." "The pleasure would be mine, ${rorysir}." #"Very little eludes my notice, ${rorysir}. You might say that I am rather detail-oriented." *set observe %+15 "Is that so? Then perhaps you wouldn't mind a little test?" "Not at all." "Where are my slippers? I've been looking for them all morning." "They are wedged beneath the cushions of your sofa, ${rorysir}. I noticed them when I first stepped in." "Is that so?" Rory turned around, spotting them. "Why would they be there?" "I could not say." "I think you've demonstrated your skill. Impressive." #"I speak my mind in nearly all circumstances." "You do have a certain pleasing insouciance," Rory said. "Impressive, really. I can tell by the gleam in your eye that you are forthright and blunt. I have need of someone such as you." "That's what you'll get with me," you said, confidently. *set bold %+15 Rory thought for a moment. "Ah, I have a firecracker of a question. This is a real tough one, so prepare yourself. What is your worst quality? Be honest now." *fake_choice #"I have an unfortunate habit of lying and stealing, given the opportunity, often without due thought or reflection." *set skullduggery %+15 *set soothing %-20 *set intellect %-25 Rory slapped ${rory_his} knee, threw back ${rory_his} head and laughed. "Oh, ${name}, you are a riot! This is wonderful fun! A liar and a thief, you say! I'd best watch out for you!" And ${rory_he} waggled a finger at you playfully. #"My work consumes me at times, to the exclusion of other things." "Work too hard, eh?" Rory said. "You know, that's actually a good quality, when you think about it. What a clever answer. You've managed to turn my difficult question regarding your potential flaw into something that speaks well of you. Well done, ${name}. I like a focused worker." *set observe %-25 #"I'm reluctant to challenge authority at times." "That's understandable," Rory said. "Quite honestly, I'm the same with my Aunt Primrose. One word from her and I tend to buckle, or fold, or spindle, or whatever metaphor you like. I have terrible trouble when things get heated. To be quite honest, your words are refreshing. They remind me that I am not alone in feeling so." *set bold %-25 #"A tendency to become overly…emotionally involved with my employer. And I just cannot hide my emotions when they arise." "Ah!" said Rory. "Ah!" ${rory_he} said again, looking at you and then looking away, and then looking back at you. "Emotionally…involved?" "I'm afraid so. I feel it's best to let you know the potential pitfalls at once." Then Rory laughed, and slapped ${rory_his} knee. "You're joking, of course. I should have seen it at once. Emotionally involved! What a scream! ${name}, you are a riot." *set rep_rory %+10 *set skullduggery %-25 *set persuade %+15 *set emotionally true *page_break Rory briefly considered, and then stood. "Well, I feel like I've gotten a fairly good sense of your personality. Now, I seem to remember that you have a fascinating hobby. Tell me about it while I put my shoes on." "Indeed, ${rorysir}, before entering service, I developed an interest that might have some slight bearing on this position, which I thought worthy of mention." What was your fascinating hobby? *fake_choice #I have had some training in boxing. "I could offer some measure of personal protection, having had some experience in fisticuffs, ${rorysir}." Rory considered carefully. "This is most unusual." "Yes, ${rorysir}. I do not suggest that it is typical." "I'm not often involved in what you would call melee, or a fracas. Is fracas the word I want?" "I believe so, ${rorysir}." "And yet it doesn't hurt to be prepared. Your experience interests me strangely. Consider me intrigued." *set pugilist true *set bold %+10 *set observe %+10 *set intellect %-15 *set soothing %-10 #I assisted my cousin in her art gallery. "I have the capacity to recognize beauty, ${rorysir}, having assisted my relation in her art gallery. Perhaps the little I know of art can assist in making your life even more elegant, graceful, and redolent with beauty." "That's fine, very fine," Rory said, pointing to the piles of clothing on the floor and the filled ashtrays scattered about the living room. "The place could certainly stand some brightening. Or even a tidying. Both, preferably." *set culture %+10 *set intellect %+10 *set bold %-25 *set gallery true #I was a jewel thief…which perhaps I won't say outright. *set skullduggery %+10 *set persuade %+10 *set culture %-15 *set soothing %-10 *set thief true "I have the ability to manage finances, moving valuables back and forth, so to speak, ${rorysir}." "Hm," said Rory. "Money does seem to pass through my hands quickly. Someone trustworthy who could assist me there would be most welcome." #As a child, I was a performer in a traveling circus—a lion tamer. *set bold %+10 *set soothing %+10 *set culture %-15 *set persuade %-10 *set tamer true "As a child, I had some experience taming savage lions as a member of a traveling circus," you said. "You may have heard of me. I worked under the name of ${fname} the Unfearing." "The name does not immediately ring a bell. But it strikes me that lion taming skills may come in handy with my dear Aunt Primrose," Rory mused. "I may have mentioned her earlier." Rory paused for a moment with eyes closed, seemed to make a decision, and then stood up. "I say, I'm going to pop round to the tobacconist's for a moment. It's just downstairs. Make yourself comfortable. I won't be a moment." Rory was out for ten minutes. What did you do in that ten minutes that made ${rory_him} hire you at once? *choice #I tidied ${rory_his} living room, making neat stacks of ${rory_his} papers, carefully organizing the sheet music on the piano, and arranging ${rory_his} books by author and subject. ${rorymr} Wintermint had a decidedly eclectic attitude towards decoration. Most of ${rory_his} belongings seemed to have been acquired on impulse from persuasive door-to-door salespersons. A trombone, for example, stood leaning against the wall, next to a slightly spindled original replica print of an etching of a water lily. An overturned teacup threatened to drip tea on the print, so you mopped up the spill, and dried the floor. Stacks of books, many of them long overdue to the circulating library, filled the floor. Many of them had bookmarks in them at about the tenth page. You organized these, and put the ones that were due to be returned in a stack by the door. You were sorting ${rory_his} papers by urgency, amount of money due, and the party to whom the money is due, when Rory returned, cheerfully puffing on a cigarette. "Good Lord," ${rory_he} said. "You are a wonder, ${name}. You're hired." "Thank you, ${rorysir}. I already took the liberty of discarding the other applicants' letters." *set appearance %+10 *set culture %+10 *set gambit "tidied" *goto tray #I mixed ${rory_him} a refreshing pomegranate champagne cocktail, a popular drink amongst the cognoscenti. Rory had a well-appointed liquor cabinet, and it was the work of a moment for you to locate the champagne, the Riesling, the pomegranate juice, and an assortment of citrus fruits, which you began to juice and zest with a will. Rory returned, cheerfully puffing on a cigarette, while you finished muddling the mint. $!{rory_he} watched you with interest as you poured the beverage over ice, placed it on a tray, and served it to ${rory_him}. "This is extraordinary, ${name}," ${rory_he} said. "Well, I'll be dashed. What do you call this concoction?" "It's a creation of my own, ${rorysir}. I believe some people call it the ${name} Especial." "This is wonderful. I don't suppose I could implore you for another…" "I have already taken the liberty of preparing you a second one in anticipation of your desire, ${rorysir}." And you handed ${rory_him} another. "You're hired!" Rory said, with enthusiasm. "Very good, ${rorysir}." *set rep_rory %+10 *set observe %+10 *set gambit "cocktail" *goto tray #I followed ${rory_him}, and convinced ${rory_him} not to purchase cigarettes. You followed ${rorymr} Wintermint and intercepted ${rory_him} just outside the tobacconist's. "I say, ${name}," Rory said. "It's wonderful to see you again and all that, but I think there may have been a crossing of the wires. You were to remain until I returned, not follow me through thick and thin." "I understand, ${rorysir}, and yet, I could not help making a suggestion." "Oh?" "You see, ${rorysir}…" How did you get Rory to resist temptation? *choice #Through an apt literary quotation. "Consider, ${rorysir}, that temptation comes to meet and master and make a person crouch beneath its foot." "That's very nice," Rory said. "One of your own?" "Ah, no, ${rorysir}. The poet Robert Browning." "That Browning certainly knew his stuff. A smoker, was he?" "I believe he may have indulged from time to time." "And yet able to master temptation. Well, nobody shall say that Rory Wintermint is less able than Robert Browning. Back to my flat, ${name}. You're hired." "Very good, ${rorysir}." *set rep_rory %+10 *set culture %+10 *set gambit "smoking" *goto tray #By lying to ${rory_him} and telling ${rory_him} that the tobacconist is under investigation for unsanitary conditions. "I would not advise you to purchase from this store at this time." "And why the devil not?" Rory said, with some irritation. "You see, ${rorysir}, the store has been under investigation for certain practices that are less than clean." Rory stopped walking and faced you. "How so? Make yourself plain." "I will not nauseate you with the details. But suffice to say that they involve creatures of the six-legged variety infesting the tobacco. Indeed, it is a problem that many tobacconists have been facing this season." "Good Lord, ${name}, can this be so?" "I'm afraid so. I felt I would be remiss in not alerting you to this urgent and distasteful matter." "And a jolly good thing you did!" Rory said, bitterly. "But in a way, I wish I hadn't known. Ah, well. Nothing to do but to return to my humble abode, there to wear the long day out." "Yes, ${rorysir}." "Oh, and I suppose you're hired. That sort of initiative should be rewarded, and so forth." "Thank you, ${rorysir}." *set skullduggery %+20 *set rep_rory %-10 *set gambit "smoking" *goto tray #By inspiring ${rory_him} with the competitive spirit to win the wager with Aunt Primrose. "I urge you to think of the spirit of competition." "Competition?" "Yes, ${rorysir}. Consider: your Aunt Primrose, even now, is likely rubbing her hands together gleefully, thinking of the moment that you give up the struggle. Think of her gleeful demeanor, and her superior chortle." "It is as though you conjure her specter before me now," Rory said. "My hair is standing on end." "Do not give her that satisfaction. Fight to the bitter end, that you may say to her, 'I have emerged victorious!'" "I shall!" cried Rory, raising a fist to the heavens and nearly knocking off the flowered cap of a passing lady. "${name}, you are a wonder. You're hired!" "Thank you, ${rorysir}." *set soothing %-10 *set persuade %+15 *set rep_rory %+15 *set gambit "smoking" *goto tray #I simply began unpacking my belongings in the servant's room and making myself at home. You opened your valise, and began placing your few belongings into the drawers of the small servant's room off the kitchen. You preferred your desk under the window, so you moved the bookshelf and the lamp over so the desk would fit. There, much better. Rory returned, cheerfully puffing on a cigarette, as you were making your bed, and plumping your pillows. "I say, whatever are you doing?" "Just preparing my room, ${rorysir}." Rory opened and closed ${rory_his} mouth a few times. "Yes, but, the thing about that…" "Yes, ${rorysir}?" "Oh, well, never mind, I suppose. Carry on." Somewhat befuddled, Rory left your new bedroom, and you have been working for ${rory_him} ever since. *set bold %+10 *set skullduggery %+10 *set soothing %-10 *set gambit "unpack" *goto tray *label tray *page_break And Now, Five Years Later Laden tray in hand, you open the door to the suffering Rory's bedroom. "Your tray, ${rorysir}." "Oh, thank heavens, ${name}. You are a celestial messenger bearing tidings of great joy unto me." You place the tray on the bed, and Rory attempts to heave ${rory_him}self to a sitting position, but then flops back on the pillow, clutching ${rory_his} head. "I am not well, ${name}," Rory intones. "I will likely die before sundown. If I die, I leave you half my kingdom." "Very good, ${rorysir}. But before that dreadful event, I wonder if you might care for a beverage." *if coffee Rory catches wind of the feast you have arranged for ${rory_him} and seems to perk up. "The coffee…is that freshly ground?" "Of course, ${rorysir}. Finely ground, a dark roast, from Colombia, I believe." Rory makes a mighty effort and grasps one of the mugs of coffee, drinking deeply. After a deep draught, Rory tucks into the food with a will, while you replace various things knocked off shelves since your last tidying. "That's the stuff!" Rory says at last, with a contented sigh. *goto getdressed *if tea "Ah, the soothing tea," Rory says, lifting the cup to ${rory_his} nose and inhaling deeply. "Just the stuff." Rory pops the antacid tablets into ${rory_his} mouth, takes a draught of tea, and then sighs deeply. "This is wonderful, ${name}. I feel the warring armies in my midsection preparing an armistice as we speak. Tell me, ${name}, how does one little tablet soothe me so?" "I could not hazard an explanation, ${rorysir}." *goto getdressed *if cocktail "There isn't a brass band or a drum enthusiast practicing downstairs, is there, ${name}?" Rory says weakly. "Not to my knowledge, ${rorysir}. Here you are. Try this." As if clutching for a life preserver, Rory grasps the cocktail from the tray and downs it quickly. $!{rory_his} eyes bug out briefly and begin to water. Then ${rory_he} shakes ${rory_his} head a few times. "My word. The throbbing may be subsiding." "It is called an 'Electric Current Fizz.'" "Is that egg I taste? And…something else…rather pungent?" "Indeed, ${rorysir}. There are six egg whites, a good deal of sugar, and fresh-squeezed lime juice. The pureed habanero peppers is an addition of my own." "That's strong stuff. You ought to bottle that and sell it at the carnival in front of the 'Try Your Strength' game. You'd make a million in a day." "I shall endeavor to remember that in case of financial need, ${rorysir}." *goto getdressed *if oolong Rory admires the simple grace of the tray you have prepared, lifting the iris to ${rory_his} nose and inhaling deeply. "Lovely, ${name}. This is just the thing." $!{rory_he} sips lightly from the cup of oolong tea and then settles back on the pillow. "You look upon me, ${name}, as a ${rory_sex} brought back from the dead. It was a near thing." *goto getdressed *label getdressed *page_break Rory suddenly makes a sour face and claps ${rory_his} hand to ${rory_his} forehead. "Is today Thursday? I had completely forgotten. Aunt Primrose is coming to dinner tonight! She rang up the other day and, like an ass, I said, 'Very well.' We'll have to work swiftly, ${name}." $!{rory_he} leaps up, and you whip the tray away so that its contents don't spill. Rory rushes to the vast wardrobe and begins to pull clothes out of it haphazardly. "As you well know, ${name}, thanks to the proviso in my father's will, my Aunt Primrose holds control over all of my money whilst I remain unmarried. Now, this is not usually a problem, as Aunt Primrose sends off my monthly checks as steady as can be. But, this month, I seem to have dug myself into a bit of a trench, debt-wise." "How so, ${rorysir}?" "It's a funny thing, actually. I was absolutely certain of this one particular horse in the third race. They called him Surefire. Can they do that? Isn't that false advertising? At any rate, I spent the whole monthly check on Surefire, and it was not to be. And now the bill collectors are coming round and demanding that I render unto Caesar what is Caesar's, as the fellow says. We may have some small risk of having thuggish debt collectors arrive with lead pipes." *fake_choice #"If it helps in any way, I would be willing to work for free this month, ${rorysir}." *set rep_rory %+10 *set soothing %+15 *set intellect %-10 "I am genuinely touched, ${name}," Rory says, looking at you with kind eyes. "I hope it will not come to that. I would rather sell my family heirlooms than deprive you of your rightful wages, if I had any family heirlooms. No, ${name}, we simply need a large influx of money, and quickly." #"If any debt collectors show up, I'll see them out. Never you fear about that, ${rorysir}." *set bold %+15 *set observe %-10 *set rep_rory %+10 "I have no doubt that you will protect my person," says Rory, gently, smiling at you. "But the issue at hand is deeper and wider. No, ${name}, we need money, and lots of it, quickly." #"Ah…I understand the importance of Aunt Primrose's visit." *set intellect %+15 *set soothing %-10 "You are, as always, three steps ahead of everyone, like a chess grandmaster," Rory says. "We need money, a good deal of it, and right away." #"Most distressing, ${rorysir}, to be sure." *set rep_rory %-10 *set observe %+15 *set bold %-10 "Distressing is the right word for it," mutters Rory. "And the only way to solve this matter is with a great deal of money from Aunt Primrose, delivered to me posthaste." "I see," you say, considering carefully. "If I might make a suggestion: your aunt might be more inclined to be generous with her funds, were we to offer her an exquisite dinner. She is known to appreciate a hearty meal." "Hm," says Rory, mulling this over. "Get her in a right jolly mood with refreshments, and then touch her for the money to the extent possible. I think we should be able to handle that. Now let's see about some clothes." Rory considers and rejects a number of articles of clothing one by one. "${name}, where on earth is my *if rory_sex = "man" lavender plus fours with the checks? I want to wear my spats with it." *if rory_sex = "woman" spangled and rhinestone-studded turquoise frock? It would look fetching with my feathered boa." You take a moment to consider your answer. *choice #"I took the liberty of discarding that outfit with yesterday's rubbish, ${rorysir}. May I suggest an outfit less…sudden in its effect?" I say, calmly. "You…discarded it?" *if soothing > 50 "It was essential, ${rorysir}. I would have been derelict in my duty if I had allowed you to be seen in public wearing it. It is my responsibility and pleasure to see to it that you are immaculate in your appearance. The outfit in question, while certainly appropriate for novelty purposes, perhaps, did not belong in the well-dressed ${rory_title}'s wardrobe." Rory goggles at you for a moment. "Oh, very well. I acquiesce to your obviously superior taste and judgment this time. So what do you recommend?" "May I suggest the *if rory_sex = "man" waist-seam coat and white flannel trousers?" *if rory_sex = "woman" tailored white blouse and gored black skirt?" "Oh, have it your way." "Thank you, ${rorysir}." *set rep_rory %+10 *set tranquility %+10 *set appearance %+10 *set outfit true *goto bookchat *else "It was the only way to be certain that it was gone forever, ${rorysir}." "That was my favorite outfit!" "It was most unsuitable. It offended the eye, and repulsed all who beheld you. I held my tongue, but I feel now it is my duty to speak up." Rory seems rather irritated, and finally pulls out a simple *if rory_sex = "man" waist-seam coat and white flannel trousers. *if rory_sex = "woman" white blouse and gored black skirt. "I am unaccustomed to having my clothing discarded," Rory says. "I assume you approve of this ensemble?" "Much better," you say, and help Rory into ${rory_his} far more appropriate outfit. *set rep_rory %-15 *set tranquility %-10 *set appearance %+10 *set outfit true *goto bookchat #"Yes; note carefully, ${rorysir}: it is of course mixed in with the outfits for fancy dress balls. Permit me." *if observe > 30 You search carefully and efficiently; your system of labeling Rory's clothes allows you to put your hands on the outfit in question at once. But you hesitate before dressing Rory. "What is it?" Rory says. "A small but offending spot *if rory_sex = "man" on your lapel, sir." *if rory_sex = "woman" at the hemline, madam." "That? Oh, that's probably the [i]poulet au jus d'orange[/i] from the club dinner last week. It's nothing." "No, no, you must allow me." You take the offending item of clothing to the kitchen, where you treat the stain with carbonated water and salt. "It will need to dry, ${rorysir}. So you may wish to choose another outfit for today." Rory's face falls. "Oh, very well. Choose something for me." You examine the wardrobe's contents for a moment, before emerging with a *if rory_sex = "man" waist-seam coat and white flannel trousers. *if rory_sex = "woman" white blouse and gored black skirt. "Well chosen, if predictable," Rory says. "Very well. It will do." *set rep_rory %+15 *set tranquility %+10 *set appearance %+10 *set outfit true *goto bookchat *else You search for a while, but are unable to locate the desired outfit in Rory's rather full closet. "Hm," says Rory, peeved. "I am most put out. I had intended to look my finest today, in spite of getting little to no sleep. What do you suggest?" "We really ought to weed through your…generously laden wardrobe." "Nonsense," says Rory, with some spirit. "Here—I'll simply wear this, and…oh, this." Rory pulls out the first two items ${rory_he} lays ${rory_his} hands on, which unfortunately turn out to be *if rory_sex = "man" charcoal gray knickers with a horseshoe pattern on them, a tuxedo shirt, and emerald green socks. *if rory_sex = "woman" a flouncy, teal, fringed flapper dress with a wide, scarlet velvet sash. "Oh," you say. "May I…" "This will be fine, ${name}. I think I know a bit more about what the well-dressed ${rory_title} is wearing these days than you, at any rate." Rory does a brief pirouette in front of the mirror, and gives you a look that suggests ${rory_he} feels ${rory_he} has scored some points off you. You feel a slight headache coming on, and so you avert your gaze from ${rory_him}. *set appearance %-20 *set rep_rory %-5 *set tranquility %-10 *set verysillyoutfit true *goto bookchat #"An unstylish choice, I'm afraid, ${rorysir}, but would you permit me to offer a more modish selection?" *if culture > 25 "I'm listening," Rory says. "What do you suggest?" "The well-dressed ${rory_title} today is wearing a more understated, yet elegant look," you say, swiftly pulling out a *if rory_sex = "man" waist-seam coat and white flannel trousers *if rory_sex = "woman" white blouse and gored black skirt from the wardrobe and holding them against Rory. "Is that so?" "Indubitably, ${rorysir}. The merest glance at the fashion monthlies or the illustrations in the social pages of the newspaper will suggest as much." Rory wavers. You can see that ${rory_he} is not wholly happy to accede to the notion that you know more about fashion that ${rory_he} does. But at length, ${rory_he} nods, slowly. "All right, ${name}, just this once, I'll let you have your way. But this must not set a precedent." "No, ${rorysir}, of course not." *set appearance %+10 *set rep_rory %+10 *set tranquility %-10 *set outfit true *goto bookchat *else "An alternate possibility?" "Might I suggest the *if rory_sex = "man" waist-seam coat and white flannel trousers? *if rory_sex = "woman" white blouse and gored black skirt? They would offer you both comfort and elegance, without the garish look so unfortunately common these days." "Garish? You know nothing of what you speak, ${name}. It just so happens that I receive compliments on a regular basis on my style and overall impression. No. It will not do to have you believe you have a keener sense of fashion than I. You are clever, certainly, but when it comes to the well-dressed ${rory_title}, I think I have a sense of what is needed." "Mmm." "The *if rory_sex = "man" lavender plus fours with the checks it shall be! And my shooting jacket with the patches on the elbows." *if rory_sex = "woman" spangled and beaded turquoise frock it shall be! And my feather boa." "Oh, I don't think so," you say. Rory pays you no heed. Beholding ${rory_him} in that ridiculous outfit, turning back and forth in front of the mirror, making approving notes, fills you with horror and existential despair, and you turn away to nurse your psychic wounds. *set appearance %-10 *set rep_rory %-10 *set tranquility %-10 *set sillyoutfit true *goto bookchat *label bookchat *page_break Finally dressed, *if ((sillyoutfit) or (verysillyoutfit)) such as it is, Rory strolls into the living room, and slumps onto the easy chair, plucking up a book from the end table. "We have plans to make, ${name}. Dinner must be cooked, and I must finish this god-awful book." *if ((sillyoutfit) or (verysillyoutfit)) You carefully avert your eyes from Rory's clothing, but it is difficult, and it pains you. Rory holds the book up. "[i]Releasing the Hidden Potential of Your Hitherto-Unawakened Mind in 12 Easy Steps[/i], by Professor Clarence Q. Hickory. It's my opinion that this Professor Hickory is an ass of the first order. Listen to this excerpt." "[i]…there are several primal mechanisms by which emotional energies that lie dormant, perhaps suppressed by the desire to cleave to social norms, may be brought forward and thus integrated into one's personality. However, in order for psychoanalytic intervention to be effective, the patient must regress through a series of archetypical stages, to shed or replay four psychodramatic stages, to recapitulate one's phylogeny via ontogeny, as Ernst Haeckel has demonstrated.[/i]" Rory looks up. "Why Aunt Primrose felt I needed to read this drivel is beyond me. It seems to be in no particular order whatsoever. Just a series of words helter-skelter across the page. She's certain to quiz me on it, and I need to have some semblance of an answer. Does it mean a thing to you at all?" *choice #Volunteer to read the book myself and give Rory the highlights. *set time +1 "There's no need to worry yourself over it, ${rorysir}. I shall peruse the book in question carefully and give you the précis, so you can discuss it intelligently." "By George, ${name}," Rory says, handing the book to you. "If you could do that, I'd be in your debt forever. I couldn't stand another moment of staring at that drivel. With your remarkable brain, I have no doubt you'll tunnel through it and emerge with some meaning." *if intellect > 30 As you thumb through the book, you realize that it looks familiar—of course. This is merely a new edition of Professor Hickory's well-known text on psychoanalysis under a new title. You are already conversant with Professor Hickory's rather fringe theories of the science of cognition, and thus you will not have to spend any time reading this book. You take a sheet of paper and write down a quick list of the central theses of the book and some supporting evidence, so that Rory will be able to discuss it intelligently when Aunt Primrose gets here. Finishing quickly, you put the paper on Rory's desk. "There you are, ${rorysir}. Simply examine that while I prepare dinner, and all shall be well." Rory picks up the paper, starts to read it, nods, and then puts it down. "Have you read every book in existence, ${name}? No, don't tell me. I want to maintain the sense that you see all, know all. I shall study this just as soon as I finish the novel that I am in the middle of. It's a real corker." *set renown %+10 *set rep_rory %+10 *set cribsheet true *set cribquality 3 *goto cook_dinner *elseif intellect > 25 *set rep_rory %+5 *set renown %+5 You take the book to your quarters and sit at your small desk. You carefully read the introduction and chapter one, which lay out Professor Hickory's general theory of psychoanalysis and dreams. It is slow going, and your relatively quick reading means you have missed a few details. But you feel fairly confident that you have the general spirit of the opening of the text. Would it be worthwhile to read more, or is it time to start dinner? *choice #Read through the whole thing. You know that Aunt Primrose is likely to grill Rory about the end of the book. It's worth the time to ensure that Rory can respond intelligently. Several hours pass, and you write a clear, bullet point list of the high points of the argument that Professor Hickory makes so that Rory can respond to any questions that come up. By the time you emerge from your room, however, Rory is in the kitchen, wearing an apron, holding a mixing bowl in one hand, and what seems to be an omelet in the other hand. A noxious smoke hovers over the stove, which has all of the burners on. You place the outline on Rory's desk, and, waving away the smoke, you enter the kitchen. *set cribsheet true *set cribquality 3 *set time +3 *goto rorycook_dinner #Read just a few more chapters. You decide that a bit more context and detail would stand your employer in good stead, so you remain at your desk and peruse several more chapters, making careful notes. You then organize your notes into clear bullet point list of the high points of Professor Hickory's argument—at least, all that you were able to get to—so that Rory can respond to most questions that come up. Back in the living room, Rory is half-heartedly examining some bills and letters, and looks up as you enter. You hand Rory the outline you have prepared. "There you are, ${rorysir}. Simply examine that while I prepare dinner, and all shall be well." Rory picks up the paper, starts to read it, nods, and then puts it down. "You'll have to cook fairly speedily. Auntie is due to arrive before long." *set time +2 *set cribsheet true *set cribquality 2 *goto cook_dinner #It's time to start dinner. Regretfully, you close the book. Aunt Primrose is exacting in her tastes, and a well-cooked dinner will be important in ensuring that she is kept in a good mood this evening. You write a few notes regarding the general idea of the first part of the book, so that Rory can at least discourse intelligently on the beginning of the argument. Back in the living room, Rory is half-heartedly examining some bills and letters, and looks up as you enter. You hand Rory the notes you have prepared. "There you are, ${rorysir}. Simply examine that while I prepare dinner. It is of, course, incomplete, but it should get you through a light conversation. I would advise that you change the subject before the discussion gets too deep, however." "Amen to that, ${name}," says Rory, with some spirit. Rory glances at the notes you made, starts to read it, nods, and then puts it down. "Off to cook then, I suppose? Something gourmet, perhaps? You know how she likes her fancy dinners. Perhaps some [i]sole frit au gourmet aux champignons[/i]?" "Possibly, ${rorysir}. I shall take stock of our provisions and begin cooking at once." *set cribsheet true *set cribquality 1 *set time +1 *goto cook_dinner *else You open the book, and begin to read. Or, at least, you try. Professor Hickory's language is intolerably opaque, and you think that you may have fallen asleep twice or thrice over the past several minutes, trying to get through the introduction. It's no use. There's no possible way that you are going to be able to read this book, even if you had all day to do it, and even if it actually meant anything, which you seriously doubt. What should you do? *choice #Return to Rory and admit defeat. You return to Rory and place the book on the shelf. "Back already? What a brain! I've always said, ${name}, that you are the seventh wonder of the world. Or the eighth. Or the ninth. Whatever is one more than the amount that there is, that's you. Now tell me, steadfast companion. What was the blasted thing all about?" "I'm afraid, ${rorysir}, that the book was unintelligible. It bore no meaning to me whatsoever." "None at all?" "None." "That's pretty grave." "Yes, ${rorysir}." "I shall have to face the music then, steadfastly. I appreciate your efforts, bootless, or fruitless, though they have been. I have to say, though, that it is some comfort to me to know that you are mortal after all. And I appreciate your honesty and forthrightness in telling me straightaway that you were mastered by Professor Hickory." You bow slightly, and turn to go to the kitchen to begin dinner. *set skullduggery %-15 *set renown %-5 *set time +1 *goto cook_dinner #Wait several hours so that it seems like you've read the book, and then simply copy out some phrases from the book to look like you made an outline for Rory. *set skullduggery %+10 *set time +2 *set waithours true *set cribsheet true You take a refreshing nap, and then, several hours later, you open the book at random and copy out some complex phrases in a bullet point list. Then, tucking the book under your arm, you emerge from your room. Immediately, you are struck by an awful smell. Rory is in the kitchen, wearing an apron, holding a mixing bowl in one hand, and what seems to be an omelet in the other hand. A noxious smoke hovers over the stove, which has all of the burners on. You place the faux-outline on Rory's desk, and, waving away the smoke, you enter the kitchen. *goto rorycook_dinner #Tell Rory that ${rory_he} will need to simply change the subject when Aunt Primrose is over to avoid discussing the book. Shutting the book, you return to Rory. "Done already? Marvelous!" "Not quite, ${rorysir}. You see, it struck me that I needn't read that book at all." Rory's expression darkens a bit. "And why would that be?" "Because, if I may offer a suggestion, you can simply offer a diversion to avoid discussing the book at all." Rory thinks for a moment, but then shakes ${rory_his} head firmly. "It's a cunning idea, but Aunt Primrose is pretty swift. She'll catch on in a moment if I attempt anything like that." "Not at all, ${rorysir}. All you have to do say something slightly shocking when the subject of Professor Hickory's book comes up." "Can you offer any examples? I'm afraid my well has rather run dry when it comes to shocking information." "What if you mentioned the recent rash of burglaries in Aunt Primrose's district? I understand that a felon known as 'Light-Fingered Lou' has been steadfastly rifling through the personal possessions within the houses in her environs. Surely she will have a deep, emotional response that should distract her from any literary or philosophical discussion." "That's marvelous, ${name}! 'Light-Fingered Lou'! The conversation practically unspools on its own. Now I shall simply relax until the aged ancestor arrives. I positively welcome her interrogation, that I might disarm her with this bit of judo, so to speak." And, having given satisfaction, you enter the kitchen. *set diversion true *set observe %+10 *set time +1 *goto cook_dinner #Aid Rory in bluffing ${rory_his} way through a discussion of the book. "That is a troubling situation, ${rorysir}. However, it is my experience that casual conversation rarely requires a full reading of a book." "No?" "No. One must only have perhaps two statements that can be used to respond to any given query." "How can it be that I have never heard of such a thing? Quickly, now. Teach me these statements. I await with bated breath." *if skullduggery > 30 "The critical thing to say is, "'Nevertheless, I remain skeptical of the professor's overall methodology.' You simply cannot go wrong with that phrase." "Nevertheless, I remain…what was it?" "…skeptical of the professor's overall methodology." "Bit of a tongue twister, that." "It is designed to nonplus the interlocutor, ${rorysir}." "It certainly does that. But what happens if she presses the point?" "In that case, you must respond by leaning forward and saying, 'There seems to me no room for metaphysics in the burgeoning science of psychology.'" Rory shakes ${rory_his} head in wonder as ${rory_he} scribbles that down. "That's just the thing. Where were you when I had to read [i]Philoctetes[/i] in school?" "I am gratified to provide satisfaction, ${rorysir}. Now I ought to tend to dinner." *set bookbluff true *set bluffquality 3 *set rep_rory %+10 *set renown %+10 *set time +1 *goto cook_dinner *elseif skullduggery > 25 "The key is to simply make reference to a nonexistent text. If Aunt Primrose asks you about the book, you must reply by saying, 'Of course, but Professor Hickory failed to take the Baxter study into account." "And you are saying that this Baxter study you refer to is but a hollow shell, a work in name only." "I have made it up even now." "And this should stymie her?" "She will have no choice but to change the subject or admit her ignorance." Rory's face lights up, but then falls. "There's a flaw in your reasoning. I'm sorry, but it just won't work." "Impossible, ${rorysir}." "Consider. What if she says, 'And what is this Baxter study all about?' See what I mean? We're back in the same boat." "In that case, you reply, casually, 'You must allow me to loan the volume to you sometime.' She will surely forget, and it closes the conversation nicely." "I'm convinced, ${name}. All is well in the Wintermint residence. Now I shall relax whilst you prepare dinner." "Very good, ${rorysir}." *set bookbluff true *set bluffquality 2 *set time +1 *goto cook_dinner *else "When faced with a query, simply say, 'Ah, yes,' and then tap your chin thoughtfully, as if pondering. That will buy you time, and very probably, the questioner will see your response as thoughtful and wise." "It seems somehow insufficient," Rory says. "What if she presses the point?" "In that case, you respond by simply crossing your arms and replying, 'So they say. But I remain skeptical.' That will leave her nonplussed, and she will drop the line of questioning." "I trust you, ${name}. I shall jot those phrases and gestures down to ensure I don't forget them." "Thank you, ${rorysir}. Now I should go prepare dinner." *set time +1 *set bookbluff true *set bluffquality 1 *goto cook_dinner #Encourage Rory by saying that the book is surely within ${rory_his} capacity to read and understand. *if persuade > 30 "Ah, ${rorysir}, it is hardly my place to say so, but you are a fine reader. Surely, given the time and space to read, you would be capable of imbibing its contents." "Do you indeed think so? You recall that I was forced to throw that volume of William Blake across the room in a fit of pique after spending several hours attempting to make any sense at all of it. I remain more than half-convinced that the man was a lunatic." "We need not go into the mental health of Mr. William Blake, although I do to a certain extent share your reservations about some of his narrative works. I merely suggest that given a touch more time and effort, you would certainly be able to offer an informed opinion of Professor Hickory's works. Certainly you have the wit to be able to do so." "Kinder words were never spoken," Rory says, and ${rory_he} gazes upon you in a highly appreciative way. *set rep_rory %+15 *set encourage true *goto cook_dinner *else "But surely you should be able to read and comprehend it given enough time," you say. "It may be complex, but it should be well within your capacity. At least, to a certain extent. Or, to put it a different way, it's well worth the effort, even if you fail." This isn't quite coming out the way you intended it. Rory flops down on the sofa. "It's no use, ${name}. I can hear your meaning behind the mask of your well-meant words." "I didn't mean to suggest…" "No, no." Rory waves your words away. "You spoke from your heart. I am not learned. Aunt Primrose—and you—will have to accept me, warts and all." *set rep_rory %-10 *set tranquility %-10 *goto cook_dinner *label cook_dinner *page_break Tying on your apron, you step into the kitchen and begin to consider your options for dinner. You make a quick calculation, taking into account the ingredients at your disposal and the time you have remaining before the arrival of the notoriously punctual Aunt Primrose. *label threeoptions As you see it, you have three options. Aunt Primrose's favorite dish is veal ragout with truffles and apricot compote, but she is finicky about it, and it is not a simple dish. You could also make roast beef au jus with haricots verts, which is certainly simpler, although less impressive. Finally, in a pinch, you could make a cheese omelet, and shave the truffles onto it. Aunt Primrose might be unimpressed, but at least it's quickly cooked and difficult to make badly. What should you cook? *fake_choice #Veal ragout with truffles and apricot compote. It has to be the veal, you realize suddenly. If you offer Aunt Primrose her favorite dinner, that will go some way towards putting her in a good mood. The veal it is, then. *set foodcomplex 5 *set entree "ragout" #Roast beef au jus with haricots verts. The roast beef is clearly the best choice. While it isn't Aunt Primrose's favorite, it is a significantly less fussy meal to cook, and as you know all too well, a poorly cooked meal would be certain to put Aunt Primrose in a truly grouchy mood. It would be wiser to cook a simpler, more dependable meal. *set foodcomplex 3 *set entree "roast beef" #Cheese omelet with rosemary and shaved truffles. While it isn't the fanciest of meals, at least you can cook an omelet quickly. Aunt Primrose might complain about the simple fare, but then, Aunt Primrose tends to complain about everything. *set foodcomplex 2 *set entree "omelet" You begin to gather the ingredients for the ${entree}. Wait a moment. What about dessert? *fake_choice #Chocolate mousse would go well, and it's fairly easy to whip up. The dark chocolate mousse will surely create a satisfying conclusion to dinner. Surely Aunt Primrose can't complain about mousse. *set foodcomplex +2 *set dessert "mousse" #A port-poached pear tart with homemade raspberry-streaked crème fraîche. A fancy, complex dessert will be just the thing to mollify Aunt Primrose, and a tart is both visually pleasing and a tasty conclusion to the meal. *set foodcomplex +4 *set dessert "tart" #Let's skip dessert. It would have been nice to have dessert, but you must focus on the essentials. $!{entree} alone shall suffice. *set dessert "none" *set dinner_difficulty ((foodcomplex) + (time)) You square your shoulders, take a deep breath, and begin to cook dinner, as Rory paces back and forth in the living room, gnawing on a fingernail, and looking out the window tensely. You pick up the knife, and… …what would you say is your general approach to cooking? *choice #Playful and improvisational. *set playful true You pick up the knife, flip it thrice in the air, chop some herbs roughly, and then begin to throw handfuls of them into a pan. You cook on instinct, as is your wont, and the pan sings and sizzles as you work. *if dinner_difficulty > 7 *if ((culture) + (intellect)) > 70 You cook with a well-honed intuitive sense of what would be most delicious, tossing ingredients about swiftly and making up variations on the spot. You had to substitute cider vinegar for oregano at one point, but it's an exciting and palate-engaging substitution—genius, really. *label dinner_success *set renown %+10 *set rep_rory %+15 *set yummy true You smile with satisfaction as all the ingredients come together to make a feast that is certain to please. "My word, ${name}," cries Rory, peeking into the kitchen. "You've outdone yourself! The aroma alone is feast enough. Hordes of angry men, women, and children from three blocks distant must be fetching battering rams to force entry and take a seat at my table." *if playful Closing the cabinet with a jaunty kick of your heel, you plate the ${entree} and indulge in a sprinkling of sea salt and white pepper to finish. *if method As Rory watches, you plate the ${entree} with enviable precision, and add the garnish, per the recipe. *if irritated You slam the cabinet closed, and toss the ${entree} onto a plate. Rory watches you, fascinated by your technique. *if dessert = "none" *goto read_fifi "And dessert, too!" Rory exclaims. "Aunt Primrose is bound to practically levitate off her seat with delight and whimsy. Well, well, well." *goto read_fifi *elseif ((culture) + (intellect)) > 60 You cook effectively, allowing your intuition to take over. You have a cookbook handy, but offer it only the merest glance every so often. *label dinner_neutral *set rep_rory %+10 Some time later, Rory peeks ${rory_his} head into the kitchen. "Smells pleasant enough in here," ${rory_he} says. "Thank you," you say. "The ${entree} appears mildly satisfactory." You plate and garnish the entree. "Will it…please?" Rory asks, a hint of a quaver touching ${rory_his} voice. "You know she's not used to plain fare. Will it have both zest and zing?" "I really couldn't hazard a guess regarding either of those qualities. But it will nourish." "That is the main thing, isn't it, ${name}? Right ho, then." *if dessert = "none" *goto read_fifi Rory does a double take, as ${rory_he} sees the ${dessert}. "Ah now, that's the stuff. Good show. A sweet to placate her, is that the spirit of it? Nicely thought of, ${name}. Now I feel I can relax." *goto read_fifi *else You cook solely from your intuition, and your efforts are original: certainly you can say that much for your efforts. The quality on the other hand… *label dinner_failure *set rep_rory %-10 *set yucky true Black smoke completely fills the kitchen. You understand that in the south of America, there is a cuisine called "Cajun" in which food is often served "blackened." This will have to be the style of the ${entree} you'll be serving tonight. Perhaps Aunt Primrose will be intrigued. "Ah!" Rory says, peeking into the kitchen, then coughing several times. "Ah! Hm." "The food, I fear, received a touch more heat than is typical," you say. "I can see that, yes," Rory says. "Is it…salvageable?" You show Rory the ${entree}, such as it is. "Ah, well," Rory says. "Aunt Primrose enjoys…fish, is it? Okra? Well, whichever. It doesn't look too bad." *if dessert = "none" *goto read_fifi "And, is that dessert I see there?" Rory says, forcing a note of positivity into ${rory_his} voice. "Prepared in your inimitable style as well, I see?" "Yes," you say. "I…suppose it is." *goto read_fifi *elseif dinner_difficulty > 5 *if ((culture) + (intellect)) > 60 You cook with a well-honed intuitive sense of what would be most delicious, tossing ingredients about swiftly and making up variations on the spot. *goto dinner_success *elseif ((culture) + (intellect)) > 55 You cook effectively, allowing your intuition to take over. You have a cookbook handy, but offer it only the merest glance every so often. *goto dinner_neutral *else You cook solely from your intuition, and your efforts are original: certainly you can say that much for your efforts. The quality on the other hand... *goto dinner_failure *elseif dinner_difficulty > 3 *if ((culture) + (intellect)) > 50 You cook with a well-honed intuitive sense of what would be most delicious, tossing ingredients about swiftly and making up variations on the spot. *goto dinner_success *elseif ((culture) + (intellect)) > 45 You cook effectively, allowing your intuition to take over. You have a cookbook handy, but offer it only the merest glance every so often. *goto dinner_neutral *else You cook solely from your intuition, and your efforts are original: certainly you can say that much for your efforts. The quality on the other hand… *goto dinner_failure *else *if ((culture) + (intellect)) > 40 You cook with a well-honed intuitive sense of what would be most delicious, tossing ingredients about swiftly and making up variations on the spot. *goto dinner_success *elseif ((culture) + (intellect)) > 35 You cook effectively, allowing your intuition to take over. You have a cookbook handy, but offer it only the merest glance every so often. *goto dinner_neutral *else You cook solely from your intuition, and your efforts are original: certainly you can say that much for your efforts. The quality on the other hand… *goto dinner_failure #Careful attention to a popular recipe, ensuring a comforting familiarity. *set method true You pick up the knife, and with no small measure of precision, you begin to finely mince fresh herbs, sorting them into carefully organized piles; you then measure out all of the ingredients and place all necessary utensils within easy reach. *if dinner_difficulty > 7 *if ((observe) + (soothing)) > 60 After a great deal of hard work, you have a dinner to be proud of. Your ${entree} looks just like the ${entree} in the cookbook you referred to as you worked. It may have taken you a while, but you are confident in your results. *goto dinner_success *elseif ((observe) + (soothing)) > 55 You feel confident that you have replicated the recipe accurately, and while your ${entree} will not exactly challenge the palate, it will certainly be adequate for dinner tonight. *goto dinner_neutral *else You just don't understand it. You tried to replicate the recipe accurately, but you have to admit that your ${entree} looks nothing like the picture in the cookbook. If only you had had more time, or chosen a less complex recipe, or…something. *goto dinner_failure *elseif dinner_difficulty > 5 *if ((observe) + (soothing)) > 50 After a great deal of hard work, you have a dinner to be proud of. Your ${entree} looks just like the ${entree} in the cookbook you referred to as you worked. It may have taken you a while, but you are confident in your results. *goto dinner_success *elseif ((observe) + (soothing)) > 45 You feel confident that you have replicated the recipe accurately, and while your ${entree} will not exactly challenge the palate, it will certainly be adequate for dinner tonight. *goto dinner_neutral *else You just don't understand it. You tried to replicate the recipe accurately, but you have to admit that your ${entree} looks nothing like the picture in the cookbook. If only you had had more time, or chosen a less complex recipe, or…something. *goto dinner_failure *elseif dinner_difficulty > 3 *if ((observe) + (soothing)) > 40 After a great deal of hard work, you have a dinner to be proud of. Your ${entree} looks just like the ${entree} in the cookbook you referred to as you worked. It may have taken you a while, but you are confident in your results. *goto dinner_success *elseif ((observe) + (soothing)) > 35 You feel confident that you have replicated the recipe accurately, and while your ${entree} will not exactly challenge the palate, it will certainly be adequate for dinner tonight. *goto dinner_neutral *else You just don't understand it. You tried to replicate the recipe accurately, but you have to admit that your ${entree} looks nothing like the picture in the cookbook. If only you had had more time, or chosen a less complex recipe, or…something. *goto dinner_failure *else *if ((observe) + (soothing)) > 35 After a great deal of hard work, you have a dinner to be proud of. Your ${entree} looks just like the ${entree} in the cookbook you referred to as you worked. It may have taken you a while, but you are confident in your results. *goto dinner_success *elseif ((observe) + (soothing)) > 30 You feel confident that you have replicated the recipe accurately, and while your ${entree} will not exactly challenge the palate, it will certainly be adequate for dinner tonight. *goto dinner_neutral *else You just don't understand it. You tried to replicate the recipe accurately, but you have to admit that your ${entree} looks nothing like the picture in the cookbook. If only you had had more time, or chosen a less complex recipe, or…something. *goto dinner_failure #Irritated and slapdash, filled with shortcuts and work-arounds. *set irritated true You pick up the knife, cut some garlic cloves furiously, and lob them into a pan. You don't have enough garlic, so you add some slightly wilted green onion. *if dinner_difficulty > 7 *if ((skullduggery) + (bold)) > 60 Slamming pans around, sloshing water on the floor, and not even bothering to replace the knife in the knife block, you whip up a perfect ${entree} that even Aunt Primrose could hardly find fault with. You don't care for cooking, but you can't argue with results. *goto dinner_success *elseif ((skullduggery) + (bold)) > 55 You've made a mess in the kitchen, and complained under your breath throughout. You burned the edges of the ${entree}, but instead of starting over, you just hid it with parsley. It seems all right. You don't care for cooking much, especially for company. Finally, you are done. *goto dinner_neutral *else Furiously, you hack away at the ${entree} with a spatula, trying to free it from the bottom of the large pot. You know you weren't supposed to use a large pot to cook ${entree}, but it was clean and handy, and you didn't feel like washing up. You've made a mess in the kitchen, but that's not important now. You shake the pot vigorously, and desiccated remnants of the ${entree} tumble onto the plate. Well, that will just have to do. *goto dinner_failure *elseif dinner_difficulty > 5 *if ((skullduggery) + (bold)) > 50 Slamming pans around, sloshing water on the floor, and not even bothering to replace the knife in the knife block, you whip up a perfect ${entree} that even Aunt Primrose could hardly find fault with. You don't care for cooking, but you can't argue with results. *goto dinner_success *elseif ((skullduggery) + (bold)) > 45 You've made a mess in the kitchen, and complained under your breath throughout. You burned the edges of the ${entree}, but instead of starting over, you just hid it with parsley. It seems all right. You don't care for cooking much, especially for company. Finally, you are done. *goto dinner_neutral *else Furiously, you hack away at the ${entree} with a spatula, trying to free it from the bottom of the large pot. You know you weren't supposed to use a large pot to cook ${entree}, but it was clean and handy, and you didn't feel like washing up. You've made a mess in the kitchen, but that's not important now. You shake the pot vigorously, and desiccated remnants of the ${entree} tumble onto the plate. Well, that will just have to do. *goto dinner_failure *elseif dinner_difficulty > 3 *if ((skullduggery) + (bold)) > 40 Slamming pans around, sloshing water on the floor, and not even bothering to replace the knife in the knife block, you whip up a perfect ${entree} that even Aunt Primrose could hardly find fault with. You don't care for cooking, but you can't argue with results. *goto dinner_success *elseif ((skullduggery) + (bold)) > 35 You've made a mess in the kitchen, and complained under your breath throughout. You burned the edges of the ${entree}, but instead of starting over, you just hid it with parsley. It seems all right. You don't care for cooking much, especially for company. Finally, you are done. *goto dinner_neutral *else Furiously, you hack away at the ${entree} with a spatula, trying to free it from the bottom of the large pot. You know you weren't supposed to use a large pot to cook ${entree}, but it was clean and handy, and you didn't feel like washing up. You've made a mess in the kitchen, but that's not important now. You shake the pot vigorously, and desiccated remnants of the ${entree} tumble onto the plate. Well, that will just have to do. *goto dinner_failure *else *if ((skullduggery) + (bold)) > 35 Slamming pans around, sloshing water on the floor, and not even bothering to replace the knife in the knife block, you whip up a perfect ${entree} that even Aunt Primrose could hardly find fault with. You don't care for cooking, but you can't argue with results. *goto dinner_success *elseif ((skullduggery) + (bold)) > 30 You've made a mess in the kitchen, and complained under your breath throughout. You burned the edges of the ${entree}, but instead of starting over, you just hid it with parsley. It seems all right. You don't care for cooking much, especially for company. Finally, you are done. *goto dinner_neutral *else Furiously, you hack away at the ${entree} with a spatula, trying to free it from the bottom of the large pot. You know you weren't supposed to use a large pot to cook ${entree}, but it was clean and handy, and you didn't feel like washing up. You've made a mess in the kitchen, but that's not important now. You shake the pot vigorously, and desiccated remnants of the ${entree} tumble onto the plate. Well, that will just have to do. *goto dinner_failure *label rorycook_dinner *page_break "Everything is all right!" Rory cries, holding a fried egg in one hand. A mixing bowl filled with a bubbling orange mixture sits atop the counter. "I'm just preheating…and so forth. Or just heating. What's the difference between preheating and heating, when it comes right down to it?" "May I assist you, ${rorysir}?" "You know, it's the strangest thing." Rory points to a cookbook, open on the counter, dusted with flour. "This casserole-sort-of-thing says to fold in some eggs, but for the life of me, I couldn't see how you could fold eggs unless I fried them. But I think I may have gotten it all wrong way round." "Possibly, ${rorysir}." "Hm." Rory stands there, hands on hips, reading the recipe over and over. How should you respond? *choice #"Allow me to take over from here, ${rorysir}." *set tranquility %-10 Rory drops the egg on a plate and crosses ${rory_his} arms. "Not at all, ${name}. I think I can put together a simple recipe. Do we have any cream of tartar? Can you use tartar sauce in its place? I assume so." *choice #"Ah…very good, ${rorysir}. I'll simply tidy a bit in the bedroom." *if soothing > 50 "Oh, that's a good idea, ${name}. I'll just finish up here. Aunt Primrose won't know what hit her, so to speak. Perhaps set the table as well? And choose a wine, I suppose." Rory smiles at you; you smile pleasantly back and get to work. *set rep_rory %+15 *goto rorycook_result *else "Now, one moment, ${name}. I'm a touch put out." Rory straightens ${rory_his} shoulders. "We haven't really had this conversation yet, and I think it is high time that I made something known. There are times when I have noticed a certain superiority in your voice. I may be wrong." "I hope so, ${rorysir}." "I am, after all, your employer." "Indubitably, ${rorysir}." "Good. Well. Back to it, then." And Rory turns back to cooking, satisfied that ${rory_he} has let you know that ${rory_he} did not wholly appreciate your suggestion that ${rory_he} was incapable of cooking dinner. *set rep_rory %-10 *set tranquility %-10 *goto rorycook_result #Knock Rory's mixing bowl over by "accident." *if ((skullduggery > 35) or (bold > 35)) "Whoops, ${rorysir}!" you cry, as you tumble forward, arms outstretched. You make sure that your flailing right arm knocks into the mixing bowl, which smashes on the floor, spattering viscous batter everywhere. "Now look what you've done!" Rory cries. "Oh no! All my work! How clumsy of you, ${name}." Rory helps you up and then shakes ${rory_his} head. "I'm so sorry, ${rorysir}. I don't quite know what happened there. I came over a bit woozy. Perhaps some sort of inner ear issue." Rory looks very put out and paces around the kitchen, leaving batter footprints as ${rory_he} walks. "Your specific diagnosis will have to wait until a specialist can weigh in. But dinner is ruined." "Allow me to take that on, ${rorysir}, as some measure of penance for my clumsiness. I will see to it while you rest yourself." "Very well, then. Although I can hardly relax at this point." "I will endeavor to manage." You clean the kitchen to some extent, and then begin to ponder. *set rep_rory %-10 *set tranquility %+15 *set time +1 *page_break *goto threeoptions *else "Whoops, ${rorysir}!" you cry, as you tumble forward, arms outstretched. Your intent was to knock over the mixing bowl, but Rory was too swift for you, and ${rory_he} snatches it away before you are able to make contact with it. "Get a hold of yourself, ${sex}!" ${rory_he} says. "Have you been in the brandy? You almost ruined my…" $!{rory_he} glances at the cookbook. "…fig cookies." You pick yourself up off the floor painfully. Now you have a bump on your head and nothing to show for it. "Perhaps I'll just go and clean the bedroom. I'm sorry, ${rorysir}. I don't know what came over me." Rory waves indulgently. "It happens to the best of us. Now I must give my attention back to the repast I am creating. I say, we're out of vanilla extract, are we? All the extracts are about the same though, aren't they, when it comes down to it? Yes, yes." *set rep_rory %-10 *set intellect %-5 *set observe %-5 *goto rorycook_result #Suggest to Rory that it would be for the best if Aunt Primrose were served a meal that you cooked. "If I might offer a small suggestion, ${rorysir}, I might ask that you recall Aunt Primrose's last visit." "I urge you not to bring up such a painful subject." "Nevertheless, she did seem to take some small pleasure in the meal I prepared. Perhaps it would be wisest to trust what worked before." "Yes, but, I've already started, as you can see. It hardly seems efficient." Rory lifts an eyebrow meaningfully. *if persuade > 30 "We'll simply save that for tomorrow. And won't we be pleased to have such a well-made chowder at hand." "It's a batter for fig cookies." "As you say, ${rorysir}. Nevertheless the point remains the same. You should rest yourself." "Before facing Aunt Primrose, you mean. Arm myself for verbal battle." "I wouldn't use those words, but…yes." "Oh, have it your way, ${name}. I'm convinced. And we'll simply have my confections for breakfast tomorrow." Without further comment on this prospect, you endeavor to clean the kitchen, and then begin to ponder. *set rep_rory %+10 *set time +1 *set tranquility %+10 *page_break *goto threeoptions *else "$!{rorysir}, I really must insist. Time is short, and…" "You must insist! Well, I'm dashed. Time was that you could hire help who didn't insist." "Yes, but…" "No, no, no," Rory said, shaking ${rory_his} head vigorously. "I will not have it. I have started, and I must finish. At this point, it is a matter of integrity, even personal honor." "I see, ${rorysir}." "You [i]shall[/i] see, when I serve a spectacular meal. The proof, as they say, will be in the pudding." With a tight smile, you excuse yourself and begin to clean the bedroom. *set rep_rory %-10 *set tranquility %-10 *goto rorycook_result #Shrug and go out for a stroll for a bit. "Very well, ${rorysir}. As you say. I shall return shortly." "Excellent, excellent." A timer goes off. "Ah, time to baste something. Which I always thought was a sewing term, but there we are. See you soon, ${name}." Rory waves casually, holding a ladle. You put on your outerwear and set out for a delightful walk through town. The weather is marvelous, and you window-shop for an hour, enjoying the sights and sounds of London. You also take the opportunity to… *choice #…obtain some meat pies and an apple cobbler from the local shop to substitute for Rory's cooking. (will cost -2 readies) You pop briefly into The Pies and Pasties Pavilion, Both Savory and Sweet and order a selection of their finest, putting the lot on Rory's tab. The apple cobbler, while rustic, will please Aunt Primrose, you hope, and you have the whole meal packed securely so that you can tote the whole thing home. When you return home an hour later, Rory is just plating ${rory_his} own attempt at dinner, which ${rory_he} is scraping out of a pan with a vegetable peeler. "Nearly done, ${name}," Rory says, a false note of confidence in ${rory_his} voice. You place the package of store-bought food on the kitchen counter. "Allow me to clean up, ${rorysir}, while you rest yourself, after such an effort." "Oh, very well. Perhaps some relaxation before she arrives, just to brace myself." As Rory settles ${rory_him}self in an easy chair, you scrape Rory's food into the trash, and arrange the meat pies artfully on a platter, and dole out the apple cobbler in faceted glass goblets. *set rep_rory %-10 *set readies -2 *set yummy true *set entree "meat pies" *set dessert "apple cobbler" *goto read_fifi #…see the new exhibit of contemporary art at a local gallery. There is a fine collection of etchings and intaglio at the gallery down the street that you have been meaning to see, and you spend a very pleasant hour enjoying the exhibition and a very good glass of Riesling wine. You wish you could stay for the chamber music benefit performance that will begin at the coffeehouse in an hour, but duty does call, and Rory will likely need a bit of help cleaning up. When you return, Rory is just plating ${rory_his} attempt at dinner, which ${rory_he} is scraping out of a pan with a vegetable peeler. "Nearly done, ${name}," Rory says, a false note of confidence in ${rory_his} voice. "Allow me to clean up, ${rorysir}, while you rest yourself, after such an effort." "Oh, very well. Perhaps some relaxation before she arrives, just to brace myself. Mmm. Take a whiff, ${name}. That's good food I've made. Hearty. Sticks to your ribs." As Rory settles ${rory_him}self in an easy chair, you do your best to plate ${rory_his} casserole in an attractive way, but you must confess that it is a difficult task. *set yucky true *set entree "casserole" *set dessert "fig cookies" *set rep_rory %+10 *set culture %+15 *goto read_fifi #…engage in some conversation at the local café. The local café has a well-cultivated reputation for both its beverages and its stimulating conversation. Not ten minutes into your tea, you find yourself deeply engaged in a complex argument about local politics with a several men and women at the next table. It really is a shame to have to leave, just as you think you were about to make some real progress in convincing them that their views on the mayor are completely preposterous, but, alas, duty calls. You drain your cup to the lees and bid them adieu. When you return, Rory is just plating ${rory_his} attempt at dinner, which ${rory_he} is scraping out of a pan with a vegetable peeler. "Nearly done, ${name}," Rory says, a false note of confidence in ${rory_his} voice. "Allow me to clean up, ${rorysir}, while you rest yourself, after such an effort." "Oh, very well. Perhaps some relaxation before she arrives, just to brace myself. Mmm. Take a whiff, ${name}. That's good food I've made. Hearty. Sticks to your ribs." As Rory settles ${rory_him}self in an easy chair, you do your best to plate ${rory_his} casserole in an attractive way, but you must confess that it is a difficult task." *set yucky true *set entree "casserole" *set dessert "fig cookies" *set rep_rory %+10 *set persuade %+15 *goto read_fifi #"Perhaps it might be best if we cooked together." *set tranquility %+10 Rory pauses. "Together? Isn't there some sort of truism, or motto, about 'too many cooks spoiling the broth'? Is this a broth situation?" "No, I don't think so. We can, perhaps, be more effective working together." "Well, what do you have in mind? A sort of master chef and sous-chef sort of dynamic or some such?" *choice #"You'll need an extra pair of eyes to catch any mistakes." "I beg your pardon. Mistakes? Tish-tosh." "And yet, as they say, it could not hurt," you note. And so, as you observe, Rory continues cooking. *if ((observe) + (bold)) > 65 You have to be on your toes to catch all of the errors that Rory makes, and interject your corrections at just the right times without giving offense, but you manage. Rory is easily distracted, and chats with you a great deal as you cook, allowing you to do far more than your share of the preparation. In the end, you feel that you have managed to guide Rory to make a passable squash casserole with fig cookies for dessert. Rory is convinced that ${rory_he} cooked most of it, and proudly plates and garnishes the casserole. "There, you see. Lovely. Teamwork, $!{name}. That's the stuff." *set rep_rory %+15 *set tranquility %+10 *set entree "casserole" *set dessert "fig cookies" *set yummy true *goto read_fifi *else You do your very best, but it is strikingly difficult to prevent all of the ghastly errors of cuisine that Rory commits, including an attempt to substitute crumbled-up bay leaves for basil, and a certain indifference as to the difference between a tablespoon and a cup. The resulting mixture might be best termed by a generous onlooker as "uninspiring." Rory, however, seems to feel as though ${rory_he} has done something wonderful to behold, and whistles freely as ${rory_he} stacks soiled pots and pans in the sink. "There, you see, $!{name}. All in a day's work. Now we can rest for a few moments before the dear relation darkens our doorstep." *set entree "casserole" *set dessert "fig cookies" *set yucky true *goto read_fifi #"I can cook, and you can direct me, ${rorysir}," you say, smiling calmly. "Ah, I see," Rory says cheerfully, and settling back in a chair. "You shall be my hands, and I shall be the brains of the operation. That's inspired." *if soothing > 60 Rory settles into a chair comfortably, and begins thumbing through a mail-order catalog as you attempt to make sense of the casserole and fig cookies that Rory has ventured to create. Luckily, you are able to discard most of the burned or congealed food without Rory noticing, as you engage ${rory_him} in a lighthearted chat about local gossip. Rory only occasionally looks up and says something like, "Oh, don't forget to mix things and so forth." And so the dinner proceeds apace, and you feel that you have a meal you can be reasonably proud of serving to Aunt Primrose. "Lovely," Rory says. "Now for a brief yet invigorating rest before Auntie arrives." *set yummy true *set entree "casserole" *set dessert "fig cookies" *goto read_fifi *else And so you begin. However, it proves very difficult to cook this way: Rory is constantly giving you absurd instructions, and making rather sharp comments when you fail to carry them out precisely. In the end, you find that you are wholly unable to both please Rory and to cook a wholesome meal. The resulting casserole and fig cookies that you create is thus a fairly nasty concoction, one that you are quite certain that Primrose will fail to be impressed by. "Not…the best thing I've ever made," Rory says. "But perhaps she won't be very hungry. In any case, I am bushed. A rest seems in order." *set yucky true *set entree "casserole" *set dessert "fig cookies" *goto read_fifi #"We can divide up the cooking between us in a logical, efficient way." "Well, there is a certain logic to that," Rory muses. *if intellect > 30 And so, together, you cook. Although at first you feared that it would be very difficult, it turns out that your joint effort is more than equal to the task. You measure and Rory mixes; you chop and ${rory_he} seasons. Like a dance, you weave around each other in the small kitchen effortlessly, and by the time you are done, you are reasonably sure that you have prepared a squash casserole and fig cookies that even Aunt Primrose would be hard pressed to find fault with. "We work well together," Rory says, pleased. "Unsurprising, but gratifying. And now, a brief rest before Auntie arrives." *set yummy true *set entree "casserole" *set dessert "fig cookies" *set rep_rory %+10 *goto read_fifi *else And so you cook together. It does not, however, go well. In the small space of the kitchen, the two of you are constantly bumping into each other, standing where the other needs to be, and adding salt when the other one has already added salt. It is, not to put too fine a point on it, a disaster, and the misshapen, acrid-smelling squash casserole bears witness to your failed efforts, to say nothing of the blackened, almost tar-like fig cookies. "Ah, well," says Rory, regretfully. "We've done our best." "I fear we have, ${rorysir}." "No sense in wasting time on idle regrets. Perhaps she will not show up." "We can only hope, ${rorysir}." "In any case, I am worn out. Perhaps I'll rest and read a bit, to restore the vital juices." *set yucky true *set entree "casserole" *set dessert "fig cookies" *set rep_rory %-10 *goto read_fifi *label rorycook_result *set entree "casserole" *set dessert "fig cookies" *set yucky true Suffice to say that Rory's meal is not tempting. It smells wretched, and appears to be somehow both congealed and runny at the same time. The intention, you believe, was a spinach and squash casserole with fig cookies on the side. The overall appearance is of a lightly furry beige glob on the plate. You make an attempt to plate the food as though it were edible, as Rory lounges on the sofa. *goto read_fifi *label read_fifi *page_break *set know_primrose true Forty minutes later, an imperious ring of the doorbell announces the arrival of Aunt Primrose (or as she is more correctly addressed, Mrs. Primrose Patterson, née Wintermint, the sister of Rory's father). Rory leaps up as you open the door for Aunt Primrose. She strides into the middle of the room, in her rather smart-looking long, dark green jacket with brass buttons and dark green skirt, and a broad hat with flowers on it. Aunt Primrose is a tall woman who gives the impression of taking up thrice as much space as she rightly ought to. "Hallo, Rory!" she barks cheerfully, handing you her parasol and hat. "Good day, ${name}. You're looking well. Better than Rory, at any rate, whom I see you have managed to drag out of bed before nightfall. Well done!" *if outfit She casts a critical eye up and down Rory. "You look less foolish than usual. I assume that's your doing?" she says, looking at you. You give her the most imperceptible of nods. "Well, well, well. You look somewhat presentable." "Now, I say…" Rory begins, but Aunt Primrose hushes ${rory_him} with a wave of her hand as she eases herself into a chair. *set rep_primrose %+10 *goto readingthere *elseif verysillyoutfit She looks carefully at Rory for a moment, and then takes a dramatic step backwards, one hand to her heart. "Perhaps saying you are 'dressed' was premature. Is it Hallowe'en already?" she says. "Or is there a fancy dress ball here in your home? I would have come dressed as Sinbad the Sailor had I known. Take off that ridiculous ensemble, or at least have the common decency to throw a bed sheet over yourself. You are an offense to decorum and a blot on our family escutcheon." "Lovely to see you as well, dear Auntie," Rory says, kissing her. "But you are spouting absolute gibberish. You are gazing upon what I believe is commonly termed [i]haute couture[/i]. I am [i]à la mode[/i]." Aunt Primrose does not dignify this with a response, but merely snorts and eases herself into a chair and glares around. "This does not speak well of your judgment, ${name}," she says. "I recognize that you must work with the raw material you have, but surely the least you can do is see to it that this sort of monstrosity is preemptively destroyed in an ironing accident." You bow your head. *set rep_primrose %-10 *goto readingthere *else She considers Rory carefully, with the sort of look usually reserved for a beetle one finds in one's salad. "You look absurd," she says, with finality. "I can only assume that every other article of clothing is being laundered? Is that what you call getting dressed these days?" "This is what the well-dressed ${rory_sex} about town is wearing, dear aunt," Rory says casually, flicking a bit of imaginary lint from off ${rory_his} sleeve. "And you find this acceptable?" she says, looking to you. "Well, times have changed indeed." She snorts and eases herself into a chair. *set rep_primrose %-5 *goto readingthere *label readingthere *page_break "You're looking very well, Aunt Primrose," Rory says. "And what is this?" she says, ignoring ${rory_him}. "What sort of trash are you filling your mind with?" She leans down and plucks down a slender, garishly illustrated novel from off a shelf. "It is a very well-regarded piece of literature, perhaps the best-selling series there is right now," Rory says. "[i]Although She Knew Better[/i], by Miss Fifi Buttercup. The sixth volume in the [i]How Wicked Was the Earl?[/i] series," reads Aunt Primrose, holding her lorgnette to her eyes. "Shockingly bodice ripping. ${name}, what do you think of Rory's taste in literature?" *fake_choice #"Actually, madam, that novel is mine, not ${rorymr} Wintermint's. I find the work of Fifi Buttercup most illuminating." "Do you now?" Aunt Primrose's eyes narrow, and she shakes her head, tossing the book aside. "I must say, I had the impression that you had more sense than that. These stories of young men and women cavorting around in hedge mazes and sneaking in and out of bedrooms in the dead of night are what I would call tawdry. I did not expect a taste for the tawdry from you, ${name}." "I will return it to the circulating library at the earliest opportunity," you say. "See that you do," she says. "And see that you do not taint Rory with your ill-advised literary taste." Rory stretches and smiles at Aunt Primrose. "Well, now, Auntie. I suppose you look pretty foolish right about now. No, my taste in literature tends towards the complex, not this sort of paltry time-waster." *set rep_rory %+15 *set rep_primrose %-10 #"Deplorable, madam." "Deplorable is a good word for it," Aunt Primrose agrees. "It is a low-quality piece of writing designed for low-quality minds. Yes, it is a wildly successful series of novels. I do not disagree there. But it is tawdry and it is not for the discerning mind. It is a good thing that you have ${name} here as a model for literary taste and decorum." "As a matter of fact," Rory says, giving you a dirty look, "I was just examining this novel in order to write a pretty vicious review of it for the local literary magazine. No, Aunt Primrose, my taste in literature is what you would call, 'highbrow.'" *set rep_primrose %+10 *set rep_rory %-15 #"I prefer not to say, madam." "Unwilling to offer an opinion, eh?" Aunt Primrose says loudly. "Don't want to let Rory know how little you think of this rubbish?" "No, madam." Rory lifts an eyebrow at you and turns to Aunt Primrose. "I'll have you know, Auntie, that you have it all wrong. This is far from my usual fare. Indeed, a local shopgirl pressed it upon me unwillingly, and I intend to give it a pretty cutting review when next I see her." *set soothing %+10 *set bold %-10 "Speaking of books," Aunt Primrose says. "Where's that book I loaned you? What did you think of it? Did it stimulate that so-called brain of yours?" Rory steeples ${rory_his} hands and assumes a thoughtful expression. "Ah, I believe you are referring to [i]Releasing the Hidden Potential of Your Hitherto-Unawakened Mind in 12 Easy Steps[/i], by Professor Clarence Q. Hickory, are you not? I have it for you just here." $!{rory_he} hands her the book with a flourish. "Wonderful book. Excellent binding." "Yes, I know bloody well what book I loaned you," snaps Aunt Primrose, drumming her fingers on the table. "Let me make it quite plain. I asked you to read this tome because although you have little to no intellectual merits, you have in the past demonstrated a certain honesty in your evaluations, however inarticulately expressed. This Professor Hickory's assistant approached me several weeks ago bearing a copy of this book, and wanted to know if the good professor could address the Ladies' Intellectual Society, of which you know I am chairwoman. But I wanted another opinion, and you, poor sap, were the only person I could think of to ask at a moment's notice." "And it was my pleasure to offer my assistance," says Rory. "Did you read it?" *page_break *if encourage Standing to the side of the room, observing Rory, you can see a look of panic pass over ${rory_his} face, and ${rory_he} looks over to you with a wild surmise. *fake_choice #Nod encouragingly and mouth, "You can do this." Rory looks to you for comfort, and you offer it. Rory is clever enough, but ${rory_he} lacks confidence, particularly in the presence of ${rory_his} aunt. Your encouraging nod is enough to get ${rory_him} started, however haltingly. *set persuade %+10 #Distract Aunt Primrose with an offer of lemonade to buy some time. "Oh, yes, thank you, ${name}," says Aunt Primrose in response to your offer. You draw out the process of pouring her a lemonade by adding a spring of mint, and presenting the glass to her with a flourish. It is not much time, but it is enough for Rory to collect ${rory_him}self, clear ${rory_his} throat, and begin to offer an opinion. *set soothing %+10 #Say, "I think that ${rorymr} Wintermint was just telling me how troubling ${rory_he} found Professor Hickory's central premise." *set intellect %+10 "Did I?" Rory says. "That is, yes, I did. Very troubling indeed." "How so?" Aunt Primrose says. "Well," Rory says. "It's my opinion that this Professor Hickory doesn't know what he's talking about. All this rot about hypnosis and regression therapy as part of psychoanalysis. Seems like he'd be more comfortable doing a sideshow carnival magician's act. That doesn't sound like science to me." "Rory!" cries Aunt Primrose, clapping her hands together. "You fill me with wonder. Have you really read and comprehended?" "I…seem to have," says Rory. "Well, well, well," says Aunt Primrose, beaming at Rory. "I stand corrected about you." Rory dabs at ${rory_his} forehead with a handkerchief. *set renown %+10 *set rep_primrose %+15 *goto dinnerserved *elseif cribsheet "Of course I did," says Rory indignantly, looking around for the paper with the notes you prepared for ${rory_him}. "I doubt it," Aunt Primrose says, lips pursed. "Next time, I'll find you a Dick and Jane book." There, under Aunt Primrose's right elbow, is the paper that Rory needs. How are you going to get it to ${rory_him}? *fake_choice #Suggest that Aunt Primrose turn to see a painting on the wall, and when she moves, Rory will be able to snatch the paper. You clear your throat. "I wonder if you have noticed our relatively recent acquisition? It is a pastoral study titled [i]Girl in a Meadow with Shepherd Crook.[/i] There, to your left, if you'll just turn a bit, madam." *if culture > 30 "A new acquisition, you say?" Aunt Primrose says with slight interest. "Note the play of sunlight and the balance of hues," you say, pointing to the sky of the painting that hangs near the doorway. "That's a fine one," says Aunt Primrose, turning around, as Rory snatches the paper away from where her elbow was. "I don't collect much in the way of nature scenes. Perhaps I should start. Hmph!" She turns back around, as Rory composes ${rory_him}self. *set rep_primrose %+10 *set gotit true *goto testcrib *else "I don't have time for girls in meadows, with or without shepherds' crooks," Aunt Primrose says sharply, refusing to turn and look. "…very good, madam," you say, shaking your head at Rory, who looks deeply concerned. *set cribquality 0 *set rep_primrose %-10 *goto testcrib #Tell her you need to tidy the table. "I beg your pardon, Mrs. Patterson," you say. "If I might simply straighten out a few knickknacks near your arm, it would ease my mind." *if persuade > 30 "Straighten away," she says lightly. "I wish my domestics were as fastidious as you, ${name}." She gamely lifts her arm, and as you pretend to tidy, you carefully remove the paper and slip it to Rory. *set rep_primrose %+10 *set gotit true *goto testcrib *else "Not now, ${name}," she says. "I've just gotten comfortable, and I don't want you fussing around me. I have some important questions for Rory now." "Oh, I won't be a bother at all," you insist. "I'll simply…" You make a move to grab the paper, but she bats your hands away. "That's quite enough, ${name}," she says, and you have no choice but to retreat. *set cribquality 0 *set rep_primrose %-10 *goto testcrib #Point out a stain on Aunt Primrose's sleeve, hoping that she will move her arm. "Mrs. Patterson," you say quietly, leaning down to her. "If I might point out a slight stain on your right sleeve." *if observe > 30 She lifts her arm in some alarm, and Rory swiftly snatches the paper. "Oh, that? That's just a blood stain from the political rally I attended last week. It got a bit heated. Sharp eyes, ${name}!" "I have a certain knack for irregularities regarding clothing." "You should get Rory to come join me. A bit of local politics would do ${rory_him} some good. Get the blood flowing in ${rory_his} cerebrum." "I shall try, madam." *set rep_primrose %+10 *set gotit true *goto testcrib *else "Don't be daft, ${name}," she says, not budging. "What appears to the uninformed as a 'stain,' as you term it, is in fact a slight marbling effect of the fabric. I would have expected more from you." "I apologize. I have not yet read this month's fashion reports." "I see," she says, slightly mollified. Rory purses ${rory_his} lips and furrows ${rory_his} brow. You shrug slightly, and you both know that you will not be able to get the paper to Rory. *set rep_primrose %-10 *set cribquality 0 *goto testcrib *label testcrib *page_break *if cribquality = 0 *if ((waithours) and (gotit)) Rory glances down at the list of random phrases you jotted down to aid ${rory_him}. "Now, then, Aunt Primrose. Let me begin by saying 'psychognosy' and 'qualitative perceptions.'" Rory looks confused, but attempts to mask it with a cough. "What are you talking about?" Aunt Primrose says. "Psychology things," Rory says airily. "Complex notions. Such as 'the maceration of the individual.' Sorry, the 'maturation of the individual.' Well, I think that about proves that I've read your book. Doesn't it?" Rory looks at Aunt Primrose hopefully. She frowns. "You didn't read it at all, did you?" *goto hangshead *else Rory clears ${rory_his} throat. "Now, ah, the book at hand, that I'll be talking about…say, Aunt Primrose, I think it will be more comfy if I sit right next to you, on your right side. Shove over, won't you?" "I will not 'shove over.' What are you doing? You didn't read it at all, did you?" *label hangshead Rory hangs ${rory_his} head. "I thought not," sighs Aunt Primrose. "I should have asked someone with a modicum of sense. It is, alas, too true what they say of today's generation." "I'm sorry, Aunt Primrose." "Hmph. Never you mind. I asked you to stretch beyond your humble resources and I should not be surprised at the result." Rory looks at you, miserably, a sick expression passing over ${rory_his} face. *set rep_rory %-10 *set renown %-10 *set rep_primrose %-10 *goto dinnerserved *elseif cribquality = 1 Rory squints at your outline as ${rory_he} prepares to answer. "Let me open by saying that I intend to confine my remarks primarily to the, hm, to the beginning of this book. Really just the first chapter. Which I feel gets to the heart of what the book was all about." "And what would you say the book was all about?" "Oh. Well, that's a good question. It was about the brain, and thinking, and the nature of cognition." "I'm honestly impressed that you know that much," says Aunt Primrose. "Did you read the shocking argument about hypnosis and the new modern means of dream analysis?" "Of course I did," says Rory. "To a certain extent. There was a bit with an introduction, and I remember where Professor Hickory droned on for a while about symbols or something like that. Is that right?" Aunt Primrose rolls her eyes. "Well, you read [i]something[/i], I'll give you that, although your attention span is still approximately that of a mayfly's. I should have known better than to ask you. But you tried, and I suppose that's worth some small recognition. I suppose." "Thank you," Rory says, unhappily, casting a woeful look at you. *set rep_rory %-5 *set renown %-5 *set rep_primrose %-5 *goto dinnerserved *elseif cribquality = 2 Glancing at your detailed outline as ${rory_he} talks, Rory offers a careful discussion of the text, noting the major points of Professor Hickory's argument, and noting some of the large themes that you jotted down. Aunt Primrose looks both pleased and stunned, and says, "This is an most impressive display of intellect of which I am most unaccustomed from you. Tell me, what did you make of the surprising conclusion, however?" Rory nods several times, and surreptitiously flips the paper over. Then ${rory_he} flips the paper back again. You weren't able, alas, to get to the last chapter. "Oh, that was surprising," Rory says. "Did it cause you to reconsider your overall views?" "Very much so," says Rory. "It was surprising how [i]much[/i] my overall views were reconsidered, in fact." Aunt Primrose looks as though she wants to press further, but clearly decides against it. "I am, shockingly, under the impression that while you may have breezed past the end, you have indeed read and understood the vast majority of the book that I asked you to read as a personal favor to me. And I am impressed, for the most part." "For my favorite aunt, how could I do less?" Rory beams at you, and you give ${rory_him} a secret smile back. *set rep_rory %+10 *set renown %+10 *set rep_primrose %+10 *goto dinnerserved *else Glancing at your detailed outline as ${rory_he} talks, Rory launches into a careful evaluation of the text, discussing Professor Hickory's central thesis carefully, as well as discussing relevant considerations. Aunt Primrose looks stunned, and she is even more stunned as she asks some penetrating questions that Rory turns out to have the answers to. "And so, in conclusion, dear aunt," Rory says, with a look of glee in ${rory_his} eyes, "I question both the central premise and the soundness of this so-called Professor Hickory's forays in the psychological sciences. It seems to me that he is a poor researcher, and what is more unforgiveable, a poor prose stylist." "You take my breath quite away," Aunt Primrose says, fanning herself. "And I do hope that you will refrain from impugning—if impugning is the word I want—my skill as a careful reader in the future." "I shall, I shall," she says, a look of respect drawing over her brow. Rory positively beams at you, and you find it difficult to avoid grinning back, but you manage to maintain decorum by offering only a slight, but significant, smile back. *set rep_rory %+15 *set renown %+15 *set rep_primrose %+15 *goto dinnerserved *elseif bookbluff *if bluffquality = 1 "Well, naturally I read it," Rory says. "And what did you make of his conclusions? Did they seem sound to you?" "Ah yes," says Rory. "Hmm!" "You seem very pensive," Aunt Primrose pursues. "It must have given you a lot of food for thought." "Indeed." "I cannot but hear a certain evasive quality in your responses," Aunt Primrose says. "You didn't read it at all, did you?" "I…er…oh, the jig is up, isn't it?" Rory says. "No, not a lick. Well, I flipped through it a few times, but more to goggle at how many words were in it than to peruse its contents." *goto failread *elseif bluffquality = 2 "Well, of course I read it," Rory says. "I find that hard to believe. Tell me, what did you think? Be specific." "Well," Rory laughs lightly. "I enjoyed it, naturally, but I was taken aback by one thing: Professor Hickory failed to take the Baxter study into account." Aunt Primrose is startled. "What did you say?" "I merely said that Professor Hickory failed to take the Baxter study into account." "Huh," says Aunt Primrose, folding her hands in her lap. "I'll bet you feel pretty silly now," Rory says. "Coming in here, acting as though Rory cannot read. Well, my dear auntie, Rory [i]can[/i] read, isn't that so, ${name}?" "To a wondrous degree," you assent. "You must loan me this Baxter study," Aunt Primrose says. "It sounds like something I ought to read." "Ah!" says Rory. "Why do you say, 'Ah!'?" asks Aunt Primrose. Rory's brow furrows. You can clearly see that ${rory_he} has forgotten how to respond to this obvious follow-up question. "I think what ${rorymr} Wintermint means, if I may," you interject, "is that ${rory_he} would be more than happy to loan the Baxter study to you at a time convenient to you both." "Wonderful," says Aunt Primrose. "I look forward to it. And while I am not wholly persuaded by your show of learning, I am heartened by the fact that you are at least able to make a show of intelligence. That's a step up." "Thank you, madam," you say. *set rep_primrose %+10 *set rep_rory %+10 *set tranquility %+10 *goto dinnerserved *else "Well, of course I read it," Rory laughs heartily. "And did you have any thoughts regarding it at all?" Aunt Primrose crosses her arms and taps her foot. "Oh, well," Rory says. "It was all sort of fun. Lots of interesting material." "I thought as much." "Nevertheless, I remain…ah…I remain skeptical of the professor's overall methodology." The flat is completely silent as Aunt Primrose leans forward. "Say that again." "I remain skeptical of the professor's overall methodology." "Do you now?" she utters, a note of familial pride creeping into her voice. "I knew I'd made the right choice getting your opinion. Tell me, what is the nature of your skepticism?" Rory nods and leans forward, but then a shadow of panic falls upon ${rory_his} face for a moment. You stand behind Aunt Primrose and mouth the words, and then Rory nods vigorously. "There seems to me no room for metaphysics in the birdsinging…ah yes! No room for metaphysics in the burgeoning science of psychology. That's what I think, Aunt Primrose, and I'll swear it up and down." "Not bad," she says. "It seems you do have some thoughts rattling around in there. Very clever of me to ask you for your opinion. What you say confirms, of course, what I already thought. Hm! I'm impressed." Rory beams at you. *set rep_primrose %+15 *set rep_rory %+15 *set tranquility %+15 *goto dinnerserved *elseif diversion "Aunt Primrose, before we delve into literary matters, consider if you will the matter of that local sneak thief, 'Light-Fingered Lou.' Surely this is a topic that we need to discuss in some depth." "I say, Rory, are you attempting to offer a diversion?" "Not at all!" "Because it sounds very much like you are offering a diversion." "No, just an interested party with a penchant for the local news." Rory looks to you, helplessly. "I see. Did you read the book at all?" "N-no." *goto notaword *else "Aunt Primrose, the facts of the matter are this. I was unable to satisfy you vis-à-vis the book in question." "Oh?" "Specifically…I didn't read it." *label notaword "Not a word?" "I gazed upon some of the words for a while," Rory says. "For what that's worth." *label failread Aunt Primrose throws up her hands. "Well," she says. "What more did I expect? I only wanted a second opinion on this Professor Hickory fellow and whether he seems a good candidate to invite for a talk, but you have been no help whatsoever. Oh, buck up, young egg. You needn't weep. Auntie Primrose isn't going to scold you. Didn't I watch over you when you were a mere tadpole, and shake a rattle at you hundreds of times?" "You did." "There now. I'll simply know better than to ask you to accomplish intellectual tasks, that's all." Rory looks rather unhappy, and ${rory_he} shakes ${rory_his} head slowly and mournfully at you. *set renown %-15 *set rep_rory %-15 *set rep_primrose %-10 *goto dinnerserved *label dinnerserved "Where's dinner?" cries Aunt Primrose. "I'm famished. All I had today to eat was a buttered roll at the train station." *fake_choice #Commiserate with Aunt Primrose regarding the buttered roll. "Station restaurants are not what they once were," you say, as you prepare to bring out dinner. "No, they are not. When I was a small girl, one could order pheasant under glass with cranberry preserves at the station restaurant." You make a tsk-tsk noise as if to suggest that the glories of the world have passed you all by. "But enough lingering over past times," says Aunt Primrose. "Let's eat." #Inform her that she will not be disappointed about the evening's repast. "I think you'll be pleasantly surprised by what we have to offer you," you say, as you prepare to bring out dinner. "A feast for the eyes as well as the palate awaits you." "Rory, is that true? I hope you didn't go through a lot of trouble just for me. Well, I'm looking forward to it." She rubs her hands together in anticipation. #Offer Aunt Primrose a glass of wine as she sits down. "May I tempt you with a glass of…" "Oh yes!" she says. "Certainly. I'll have that Château de something or other that you gave me last time I was here. And give me full measure." "Very good, madam. An excellent selection." You pour her a generous drink, and then prepare to bring out dinner. Rory and Aunt Primrose arrange themselves at Rory's small table. "Now, tell me, Aunt Primrose," Rory says. "Not that I do not relish the pleasure of your company with all familial duty and so forth, but why the sudden trip to London?" "I have some things to ask you, and I wanted to ask you to your face," she says. "Ah, that's lucky, as I have something I wanted to ask you as well," Rory says. "By way of background information, I don't suppose you've ever heard of the horse, Surefire, which ran in the third race a few days ago?" "What are you talking about? None of your nonsense until after dinner. Ah, thank you, ${name}—just in time." You bring out the food, but you are very much aware of how tense Rory is. As you serve Aunt Primrose, and then Rory, you… *choice #…break the tension with a conversational gambit. *if intellect > 30 "Mrs. Patterson," you say to Aunt Primrose, "will you be entering any of your exquisite pumpkins into the Harvest Festival this year?" She turns to you, and beams. "Thank you very much for asking," she says. "I do intend to. But I have far bigger plans for the Harvest Festival. The pumpkins will be the very least of my conquest." "If I recall, you took several blue ribbons last year." "Five blue ribbons," she says, rolling the words around in her mouth with relish. "And one honorable mention, which we will never mention again, honorably or otherwise." Laughing contentedly, she turns back to the table. *set invitation %+10 *goto foodreveal *else "I don't suppose you've heard the news about the Wells Street Wardens," you say. "Seems that Smith's knee was injured, but he'll be back in a few weeks." "Mm," she says. "That's Smith for you," Rory says, trying. "Thank you for the stimulating conversation, ${name}," she snaps. "Now for dinner." "Bon appétit, madam." *set renown %-5 *goto foodreveal #…put your hand on Rory's shoulder to comfort ${rory_him}. Discreetly, as Aunt Primrose fusses with her napkin, you rest your hand for a moment on Rory's shoulder. *if rep_rory > 30 Rory quickly reaches up to touch your hand, acknowledging you. *if rep_rory <=30 Rory looks up at you, surprised and quizzical. *fake_choice #Although we have worked together for years, this is the first time we have ever had that kind of contact. It was the last thing you expected to do, especially with Aunt Primrose sitting right there, but it happened. There are bounds, and you may well have overstepped one. Certainly your fellow servants at the Cadbury Club For Those Who Serve would frown at that sort of behavior. And yet… *set rep_rory %+5 *set tranquility %-5 *selectable_if (rep_rory > 30) #There has been something charged about the atmosphere between Rory and me lately. You and Rory naturally spend a great deal of time together. And something seems different. You can't quite put your finger on it. But you think you like it. *set rep_rory %+10 *set tranquility %-10 #I don't know what came over me. I'll be sure that never happens again. You pull your hand away as quickly as you can. That was not like you, and you would hate for your fellow servants at the Cadbury Club for Those Who Serve to hear about it. It's a terrible breach of decorum, and you hope Rory wasn't insulted. Rory would never say anything about it, but you would hate to think that ${rory_he} harbored any sense that you were overstepping your bounds. *set tranquility %+10 *set rep_rory %-10 Aunt Primrose looks up, and you clear your throat and step away. "Everything quite all right over on that side of the table?" she asks. "Yes, of course. Bon appétit, madam." *goto foodreveal #…stand at attention, awaiting further orders. You stand respectfully behind Aunt Primrose, scanning the table to see if anything is missing. Rory is very anxious, but there is little you can do about that now. *if observe > 30 Ah yes, you think, as you consider the table. Aunt Primrose is missing a fork. With lightning-like reflexes, you dart back to the kitchen and slip one under her hand just as she reaches for it. *set invitation %+10 *goto foodreveal *else "A fork, if you please, ${name}," Aunt Primrose says. "I'm not fussy, but I prefer the full complement of utensils." "I apologize. There you are, madam. Bon appétit." *set renown %-5 *goto foodreveal *label foodreveal *if entree = "ragout" "Is that…veal ragout with truffles and apricot compote?" "It is, madam," you say. "That's my favorite dish. I may have mentioned it once or twice to you." "The information was not lost on me. I hope it proves to your liking, madam." "I'm touched. Rory, this was very thoughtful. This was an act of devotion and love." She cuts a morsel of veal, and takes a taste. *if yummy "This is ambrosia from the gods," she says, with reverence. "I don't intend to be graceful about this. I'm ready for a good tuck-in. ${name}, I hope you are prepared for me to order up both seconds and thirds." Rory nearly laughs out loud from relief. "Aunt Primrose, eat to your heart's content!" "And so I shall!" *set rep_primrose %+20 *set rep_rory %+10 *set tranquility %+15 *goto ritornello *elseif yucky She makes a horrible face, and swallows the mouthful of veal only with a supreme effort of will. "What sort of travesty is this?" she hollers. "It's completely wrong! The apricots are mealy, and the veal tastes like how I imagine the inside of a car engine. I can't eat this!" You whisk the veal away from her. "Perhaps I can simply offer you some bread and jam, madam?" "I'm not certain in what exciting way you intend to ruin bread and jam, ${name}," she says, hotly. "But I do need something to remove that horrid taste from my mouth." Rory looks shell-shocked, head in hands. *set rep_primrose %-20 *set rep_rory %-10 *set tranquility %-15 *goto ritornello *else "This is…acceptable," she says, with finality. "It is, of course, not prepared with the finesse of my own chef, but then, veal ragout is a finicky dish to prepare. Thank you, ${name}. And thank you, Rory." "Good, good, good," says Rory, a bead of perspiration clearly visible on ${rory_his} brow. *set rep_primrose %+10 *set tranquility %+10 *set rep_rory %+10 *goto ritornello *elseif entree = "roast beef" "Ah, roast beef," Aunt Primrose says. "with haricots verts, eh? Nice, hearty fare. Well, let's see if it's any good." Rory leans forward, holding ${rory_his} breath. *if yummy "Mmm, mmm." Aunt Primrose makes approving noises as she chews. "Very good. Very good indeed. Well seasoned, too. I shall enjoy this immensely." And she leans back and drains her glass of wine. Rory nearly laughs out loud from relief. "Enjoy, Aunt Primrose, enjoy." *set rep_primrose %+15 *set rep_rory %+10 *set tranquility %+10 *goto ritornello *elseif yucky She makes a horrible face, and swallows the mouthful of roast beef only with a supreme effort of will. "What sort of travesty is this?" she hollers. "It's completely wrong! The haricots verts are spongy, and the roast beef tastes like a heavily salted charcoal briquette. I can't eat this!" You whisk the roast beef away from her. "Perhaps I can simply offer you some bread and jam, madam?" "I'm not certain in what exciting way you intend to ruin bread and jam, ${name}," she says, hotly. "But I do need something to remove that horrid taste from my mouth." Rory looks shell-shocked, head in hands. *set rep_primrose %-15 *set tranquility %-10 *set rep_rory %-10 *goto ritornello *else "This is…acceptable," she says, with finality. "It is, of course, not prepared with the finesse of my own chef, but then, not everyone can prepare a roast beef as he does. But this will do just fine. Thank you, ${name}. And thank you, Rory." "Good, good, good," says Rory, a bead of perspiration clearly visible on ${rory_his} brow. *set rep_primrose %+10 *set tranquility %+5 *set rep_rory %+10 *goto ritornello *elseif entree = "omelet" "An…omelet?" she says, turning the plate round and round as if to discover some hidden surprise on the other side of the plate. "Have I mistaken my appointment? Was I supposed to arrive for breakfast?" She makes a big show of taking out her appointment book and squinting at the date. "Serving omelets as a light supper is perfectly normal in all of the finest houses, as you know," Rory says. "It is a way of saying, 'Here is comfort; here, you are family.'" "I expected something more hearty, I suppose," Aunt Primrose says, sighing. "The eggs are truffled, madam," you say. "I hope you find them to your liking." "Well, I suppose it's possible," she says, sampling them. Rory leans forward in anticipation. *if yummy "Oh," she says, with surprise. "This is shockingly good, as far as omelets go." She takes another bite, and then another. "I'll have another portion, ${name}. This is actually quite fun. Rustic in a sort of camping-out way. Eggs for dinner! Well!" Rory beams at you, and indulgently tops off Aunt Primrose's wine. *set rep_primrose %+10 *set tranquility %+5 *set rep_rory %+10 *goto ritornello *elseif yucky "This is revolting!" she cries, nearly spitting out the bite of eggs. "These aren't truffles! Are they…turnips? Rutabaga?" "I…" Rory says, looking at you in alarm. You whisk the eggs away from her. "Perhaps I can simply offer you some bread and jam, madam?" "I'm not certain in what exciting way you intend to ruin bread and jam, ${name}," she says, hotly. "But I do need something to remove that horrid taste from my mouth." Rory looks shell-shocked, head in hands. *set rep_primrose %-10 *set tranquility %-10 *set rep_rory %-10 *goto ritornello *else "This is…acceptable," she says, with finality. "It is, after all, difficult to prepare eggs poorly, I suppose. This will do to stave off hunger pangs for the moment. Thank you, ${name}. And thank you, Rory." "Good, good, good," says Rory, a bead of perspiration clearly visible on ${rory_his} brow. *set rep_primrose %+5 *set tranquility %+5 *set rep_rory %+10 *goto ritornello *elseif entree = "meat pies" "I think you'll really enjoy dinner, Aunt Primrose," Rory says, gesturing towards the covered dish. "It's squash casserole, which I made myself." "Made…yourself?" she says, with trepidation, looking briefly at you and then back to Rory. "I did. Every bit of it. I hope you enjoy it." Rory lifts the cover from the platter to reveal the tempting meat pies you bought. Rory's face falls, and ${rory_he} looks irritated. "${name}?" "Yes, ${rorysir}?" "This is not squash casserole." "No, ${rorysir}." "Can you enlighten me regarding that fact?" But before you can respond, you are interrupted by the sound of Aunt Primrose's delighted, "Ah!" You both turn to her. "Extraordinary," she says. "You had me going there for a moment, Rory." She wiggles her finger playfully at ${rory_him}. "I was prepared to have to choke down whatever loathsome foodstuffs you dredged up from your fevered imagination. But this is excellent. Store-bought, isn't it? That's fine. Not everyone can have a chef as talented as mine. And this is really quite wonderful. I couldn't be more pleased." Rory considers how pleased Aunt Primrose is, and sits back down, but not before giving you an irritated scowl. *set rep_primrose %+10 *set rep_rory %-10 *set tranquility %+10 *goto ritornello *else "I think you'll really enjoy dinner, Aunt Primrose," Rory says. "It's squash casserole, which I made myself." "Made…yourself?" she says, with trepidation, looking briefly at you and then back to Rory. "I did. Every bit of it. I hope you enjoy it." Rory lifts the cover from the platter to reveal *if yummy a very tempting-looking squash casserole. Aunt Primrose's eyes widen in surprise, and she helps herself to a bit. She puts it to her lips fearfully, but then makes approving noises. "Well, well, well," she says. "This is actually rather tasty. I had you all wrong, Rory. I'm rather touched at your efforts." "I couldn't have done it without ${name}," says Rory. "Well, naturally," Aunt Primrose says, approvingly. "Now, fork over another helping, and don't be stingy." *set rep_primrose %+15 *set tranquility %+5 *set rep_rory %+10 *goto ritornello *elseif yucky a loathsome mess. It could only be termed food by a very generous, blind, describer who had their nose pinched shut. "Ah…I think I shall pass on the squash casserole," Aunt Primrose says, pushing the platter far, far away from her. Rory looks crushed. "Perhaps I can simply offer you some bread and jam, madam?" you offer. "Did Rory have anything at all to do with the bread and jam?" "No, madam." "Then I accept." *set rep_primrose %-15 *set tranquility %-10 *set rep_rory %-10 *goto ritornello *else the squash casserole. Aunt Primrose inhales, nods slightly, and says, "Well, I suppose it doesn't smell disgusting. I shall have just a bit, though." You serve her a modest portion, and she samples it. "It's actually not bad," she declares. "It's acceptable. This will do to stave off hunger pangs for the moment. Thank you, ${name}. And thank you, Rory." "Good, good, good," says Rory, a bead of perspiration clearly visible on ${rory_his} brow. *set rep_primrose %+10 *set tranquility %+5 *set rep_rory %+10 *goto ritornello *label ritornello *page_break An hour later, Rory and Aunt Primrose are sitting on the sofa with a bit of port. It is beginning to grow dark, and the wind is picking up. Rory clears ${rory_his} throat. "Aunt Primrose, I have a matter of some import to ask. A bit earlier, I may have mentioned the horse, Surefire, who ran in the third race…" Aunt Primrose ignores Rory, and looks to you. "I'll just take the dessert here on the sofa," she says. *if dessert = "none" *set rep_primrose %-5 "I'm afraid there's no dessert," you say. "We're all watching our figures," Rory says. "Keeping trim." "Nothing at all, ${name}?" says Aunt Primrose. *if yummy She shakes her head wistfully. "Ah, well. Right. Too bad, though." *goto check_primrosemood *elseif yucky She shakes her head. "Well, that's just as well. Though I suppose it would have been interesting from a purely scientific point of view to see how you'd muck up whatever dessert you came up with." *goto check_primrosemood *else She shrugs. "Well, I suppose that's all right. Not even such a thing as a muffin of some sort? No? Hm." *goto check_primrosemood *if dessert = "fig cookies" You bring out a delicate silver tray of fig cookies and place them on the table near Aunt Primrose. *if dessert = "apple cobbler" You offer Aunt Primrose a bowlful of the store-bought apple cobbler. *if dessert = "mousse" You offer Aunt Primrose a cut glass goblet full of dark chocolate mousse. *if dessert = "tart" You offer Aunt Primrose a generous helping of the port-poached pear tart, a dollop of raspberry-streaked crème fraîche adorning it. *if yummy Aunt Primrose takes a taste, and then another. Her eyes roll back a bit. "Hits the spot," she declares with gusto, and then continues to devour the ${dessert}. *set rep_primrose %+10 *goto check_primrosemood *elseif yucky Aunt Primrose takes one look, and wrinkles her noise in dismay. "N…no. I've changed my mind. Take it away. Take it very far away." "No, no, give it a try," Rory coaxes, sampling the ${dessert}. "See, it's perfectly…that is…oh, ${name}, feed this to some particularly vile animal. It isn't fit for human consumption." *set rep_primrose %-10 *goto check_primrosemood *else Aunt Primrose picks at the ${dessert} as she talks to Rory, and you can see that Rory is pleased that dinner has gone reasonably well. *set rep_primrose %+5 *goto check_primrosemood *label check_primrosemood *page_break *if rep_primrose > 45 Aunt Primrose seems in a hearty mood, and over the next hour or so, she chats amiably with Rory, cheerfully reminiscing about times they spent together when Rory was young, and trading anecdotes about mutual acquaintances. Her cheeks a bit flushed from the port, she turns to include you in the conversation. *goto gossip *elseif rep_primrose > 35 Aunt Primrose seems in a relatively agreeable mood, even though there were some hitches with the preparations. She spends much of her time pointing out various shortcomings in Rory's personal character. Although this is how Aunt Primrose often shows affection, it is clearly a relief when she turns to you, giving Rory a brief respite from her criticism. *goto gossip *else Aunt Primrose seems rather irritated at this point in the evening. She seems displeased with her entertainment, and Rory looks wildly about for rescue as she frowns at ${rory_him}. It is with a palpable sense of relief that Aunt Primrose turns to address you. "I do not hold you responsible, ${name}, for the shortcomings of your employer. Far from it. I recognize that Rory would lead anyone to distraction. Though I am not particularly pleased with the evening I have just endured, I would like to speak to you at some length." "Certainly," you say. *goto gossip *label gossip "${name}," she says, "We've known each other for many years. You've spent a good deal of time on my estate. I like to think that you have had the opportunity to see me in my many moods." You nod to acknowledge this truth. *gosub mainstat_check *if mainstat = "bold" "And I have always thought of you as a pull-no-punches sort. Someone who says what they mean. That's the sort of ${sex} I need to give me some advice." "Of course," you say, perching on the edge of the sofa. "Go on." "Well, it's a knotty problem. It's a problem of young, untamed hearts." "Will swift, decisive action be required?" "It will." "Excellent." *if mainstat = "culture" "And I have always thought of you as someone with refinement. A well-read sort, who is able to solve problems with finesse, and a sense of grace. Well, unfortunately, I have some problems." "Tell me more." "Well, it's a knotty problem. It's a problem of young, untamed hearts." "Ah, I see. 'Love is like a smoke and is mad with the fume of sighs.'" "That's a good one," Rory says. "One of your own?" "No, ${rorysir}, that's William Shakespeare." "That's the sort of poetic incision that I'm talking about," says Aunt Primrose firmly. "Someone who has read the great love stories, and can apply them for practical purposes." "Tell me the particulars," you say. *if mainstat = "intellect" "And I have always thought of you as a ${sex} with an uncanny intellect and a knack for the workings out of complex problems." "Lay out the facts of the case for me. Omit no detail, however small." "Well, it's a knotty problem. It's a problem of young, untamed hearts." You say nothing, but listen carefully as Aunt Primrose explains the problem. *if mainstat = "skullduggery" "And I have always thought of you as a rascal of the first order, willing and able to break rules when necessary." "I say!" objects Rory. "${name} is tried and true. That's quite a charge!" "Oh, pipe down," says Aunt Primrose. "You know little of ${name}. I, however see all. ${name} has untold talents. I may need those talents." You smile slyly, and nod a bit. "Tell me the problem. I'll give you some assistance. If I can." "Good! Now this is a knotty one. It's a problem of young, untamed hearts." "Go on." *if mainstat = "observe" "And I have always thought of you as the most perceptive person I know, with a shrewd eye for possibilities and details." You nod slightly and attentively. "Do go on. I can already see that you are greatly emotionally affected by whatever you are about to tell me. I wonder whether it is an affair of the heart—not your own, of course—but someone quite close to you." "Whatever makes you say that?" Aunt Primrose says. "Simply the way you toy with your wedding band," you say. "You are thinking about some love affair." "I can hide nothing from you," Aunt Primrose says. "Yes. It is a knotty problem. One of young, untamed hearts, and that sort of foolishness." "Do go on." *if mainstat = "persuade" "And I have always thought of you as someone particularly in tune with human emotion, able to weave a path through its vagaries. In short, you are quite good at getting people to see things the way you see them." "It's simply a case of understanding the psychology of the individual," you say. "No more." "Well, I have a tricky problem, that only you can solve. It is a sordid tale, of young, untamed hearts." "Do go on," you say. "You have my complete attention." "Well, ${name}, let me explain. You know, of course, my young and tenderhearted niece Mopsie?" Of course you do. You think about the young woman who you have known since she was fifteen—an energetic, loud, and emotionally voluble girl who saw you as a trusted friend and adviser from the moment she met you. Although you haven't seen her in a little while, you remember Mopsie as… *fake_choice #…the most annoying young woman you have ever met. *set mopsie_annoying true "I…do…remember her," you say, through gritted teeth. "Of course you do," says Aunt Primrose blithely. "As lovely as a daisy, and as innocent as the cherubim. At least, as a child, she was. But now, she is…what's the word I want?" *fake_choice #"Loathsome?" Aunt Primrose's mouth hangs open for a moment. "Y-yes, you two have butted heads, haven't you? But let us remember your place, ${name}. She is, after all, my close relation. Although she has no real respect for authority, let us maintain a sense of decorum." "Of course." "'Rebellious'—that's the word I want. She's a rebellious girl." #"Irrepressible?" "Good show, ${name}, that's essentially what I mean. Full of energy and zest for life. Unfortunately, that energy and zest is spent in rebellious behavior." #"Loud?" "She certainly is that," says Aunt Primrose, slamming her fists on the table. "Where she gets that from, I know not. But she is loud, and energetic, and—'shrill' is a good word for it. She makes me want to plug my ears up." "I miss Mopsie," says Rory. "So what exactly is the issue at hand?" *goto gossip1 #…a charming and clever young woman with whom I have enjoyed spending time. *set mopsie_sweet true Dear Mopsie. Rory and she engage in the occasional letter, and she never fails to include a very long postscript to you, written in an elaborate script with flourishes, hearts, and curlicues adorning each letter. Her close relations fear that her spontaneous nature is bound to get her into trouble one of these days. It seems that time may have come. *goto gossip1 #…a disobedient, willful, and mischievous young woman. *set mopsie_mischief true "How could I forget her?" you ask. You think back to the time that she borrowed her parents' roadster without leave, and crashed it into the side of a barn, destroying a good deal of property in the process. Granted, she was only fifteen at the time, but she has learned little since then. Luckily, she has a great deal of charm on her side. It's hard to stay mad at Mopsie. "I seem to remember that you and she got on all right, ${name}." "Reasonably so, madam." *goto gossip1 *label gossip1 "Well," says Aunt Primrose, "The problem is this: young Mopsie has become involved in an ill-advised love affair. She has become enamored of a local ne'er-do-well by the name of Figaro Fairfield, and he is completely unsuitable." Rory goggles at this news. "Did you say, 'Figaro Fairfield'?" "I did. Do you know him?" "Of course I know Figs!" cries Rory. *if rory_sex = "man" "We were at school together. I haven't seen Figs in years. *if rory_sex = "woman" "He's a relation of one of my schoolgirl pals, who used to come at times to the choral concerts and the supervised dances. Whatever is he doing now? He was nice and all that, but not what you'd call strong of mind." "I will have more to say to you on the subject of ill-advised romances in a moment. Now I am speaking to ${name}." She turns back to you. "This 'Figs' is what is called a bohemian artist. He lives in a garret atop a thrift shop. He produces completely rubbish art that he tries to pawn off on unsuspecting tourists." "Now that's not quite fair," Rory interjects. "The man has no talent, no prospects, and no money. Therefore, Mopsie is completely head over heels, the more so because her parents have strictly forbidden them from seeing one another. And so they've sent her to my estate, that she may recover from her unfortunate affection. But so far, she has not recovered. In fact, I have reason to believe that she has been attempting to sneak off of my property and elope with this man in the dead of night. And so I ask you, ${name}, what am I to do? How can I ensure that a young, resourceful woman will be unable to sneak off with her would-be lover on my watch?" *fake_choice #"Perhaps appoint some guards? Some trustworthy people who can patrol about the property, who will alert you if she does something rash." *set patrol true "That is a good plan," she says, thinking about it. "I have a few trusty servants who can take it in turns to wander around vigilantly. I make it a practice to double lock my door and set a rudimentary alarm, but your idea has merit." #"I know you have an enviable collection of hunting dogs: perhaps allowing a few of them to roam about at night? They would let the household know at once if Mopsie were trying to sneak out." *set dogs true Aunt Primrose snaps her fingers. "Of course! I knew you'd think of it. She won't be able to sweet-talk a dog, and their barking would wake us all up and then we'd catch her in the act. I think it'll work…yes. I like it." #"This isn't a case for increased security at all. Instead, simply tell her you trust her." *set trust true "But I don't trust her in the least," Aunt Primrose says, furrowing her brow. "No locks or patrols can stop a determined young person in love for long. No, you must simply say, 'I trust you, dear Mopsie.' Then she will be too ashamed to depart without your leave." "Hmph. That's putting a lot of faith in her spirit of trust. Did I mention this Figs is a bohemian artist, and thus, an utterly compelling figure of romance? She seems to feel that she would be willing to scale any obstacle in order to be with him." "And that is why we must remove the obstacles, not place them in her way. That will remove the romance." Aunt Primrose considers, and finally shrugs. "You've convinced me. Thank you, ${name}. I may ask you for more help, of course, when you get there. But this is a good start." "Of course," you say, and begin to clear the port glasses. "Did you say, 'when you get there?'" Rory asks. "Whatever are you talking about?" *page_break "Oh, didn't I say? You are coming to my estate for several days. Arriving this weekend." Aunt Primrose folds her arms and pushes her chin out as if daring Rory to gainsay her words. "No, no, no, no." Rory holds up ${rory_his} hands. "You have this all wrong." "I do not. You will be coming to my birthday celebration this weekend, so that I can have the pleasure of seeing you together with your new *if rory_sex = "man" fiancée, Miss *if rory_sex = "woman" fiancé, Mr. Frankincense Cygnet-Signet. I have taken the liberty of inviting ${frank_him} as well. Now, when precisely were you thinking of telling me? I had to hear that you became engaged from ${frank_his} mother, whom I met just the other day." *set know_frank true What do you do upon hearing that Rory has become engaged? *fake_choice #Drop one of the port glasses that I was clearing away. The glass shatters on the floor. Sharp fragments of glass cascade across the room, and you quickly fetch a dustpan and whisk broom to tidy up. "Steady on, ${name}," Aunt Primrose says. "We aren't quite at the point where we must celebrate by flinging glasses into the hearth and all that." You quickly kneel down to pick up the larger shards. #Offer Rory my formal congratulations. "May I be among the first to wish you a very joyful engagement," you say. "No, please don't," Rory says, abashed. "Really." "Yes, well done, I suppose," Aunt Primrose says. But Rory just looks perplexed. #Bite my lower lip ever so slightly. Rory turns to you, looking bewildered and exhausted. $!{rory_he} meets your eye for a moment, and then ${rory_he} looks down. #Continue clearing away implacably. You offer no visible response to the news. Rory looks over at you, obviously embarrassed that ${rory_he} did not tell you. "…I suppose, in some sense, I did become engaged. Did I? It all happened so fast the other day. Frankincense and I met up purely by chance at a bistro, and we got to talking, and ${frank_he} brought up the subject of love, and I said love seemed like a perfectly nice thing, and then [i]${frank_he}[/i] said that I was quite a sweet-talker, and then [i]I[/i] said that ${frank_he} was such a kidder, and then ${frank_he} looked at me for a very long time and said that ${frank_he} knew that I had been in love with ${frank_him} for such a long time, and that finally ${frank_he} would relent and agree to take my hand in marriage, as it were, and I didn't know quite what to say, so I said I would order some champagne, and then ${frank_he} said, yes, champagne, just the thing to toast our mutual alliance, and then, er, then ${frank_he} kissed me, and everyone applauded. But we haven't made a formal announcement. So…I'm engaged now, am I?" What are you feeling right now? *choice #I'm…in love with Rory. *set rep_rory %+10 *set loverory true It suddenly strikes you: you love ${rory_him}. How could that be possible? But it's true. This is terrible news, and you can hardly listen to Rory and Aunt Primrose speak while maintaining your composure. *label cornereye *set tension true You can see out of the corner of your eye that Rory is gazing at you. Do you look up and meet ${rory_his} gaze? *choice #I look up and meet ${rory_his} gaze. *set rep_rory %+10 As you look up, Rory looks down, uncertainly. Then ${rory_he} flicks ${rory_his} eyes back to you. Do you continue to hold Rory's gaze, do you look down, or do you turn towards Aunt Primrose? *choice #I hold Rory's gaze. *set bold %+10 Rory is the first to look away, and ${rory_he} looks out the window, at the ceiling, at the bookshelf. At first it seems as if ${rory_he} is going to say something to you, but the moment passes. Finally, Rory turns back to you, uncertainly. *fake_choice #I look at the bottle of port. *set rep_primrose %-10 As you turn towards the port, Rory, too, gazes at the port. You both look at the port together, but separately as well. The ruby liquid held behind those fragile glass walls is a symbol. Of something deep and meaningful. Rory looks away, and then you look down for a while, and then… #I look at the bookshelf. *set rep_primrose %-10 As you turn towards the bookshelf, Rory gazes at the bottle of port, and then as you turn to look at the port, ${rory_he} turns to look at the bookshelf. The moment could not be more fraught with sensuality. Rory turns ${rory_his} eyes to the table, and you look up at the ceiling. Then, for a moment—just a moment—you both look at a vase on the shelf. Then you look down, and… #I greet Rory's gaze with an open expression as if to say, "Yes, Rory, yes." *set bold %+10 *set rep_primrose %-15 *set rep_rory %+10 Rory looks startled, and nearly falls off ${rory_his} chair. $!{rory_he} looks quickly away, and then down, then at your shoes. All the while, you merely drink in ${rory_his} lovely self, enjoying the moment, and smiling at ${rory_him}… "Have you both lost your minds?" Aunt Primrose yells. You jump. "What on earth is going on?" hollers Aunt Primrose. "Are we all playing a lively game of charades, then, conducted solely by rotating your heads around? Is this what the two of you consider a parlor game?" "I…I'm sorry, Aunt Primrose," says Rory. "I think the port went to my head there." "Now pay attention. I'm about to pay you a compliment regarding your marital selection, so stop goggling around like an ill-made scarecrow in a high wind." She leans forward and jabs one finger at Rory. *page_break *goto donewell #I look down in a flurry of emotion. *set soothing %+10 *set bold %-10 Your cheeks flush, and a thousand things you might say rush through your mind. You reject every one of them. Aunt Primrose is talking, but you cannot hear her, so overwhelmed are you by this torrent of emotion. "Pay attention, you silly thing," Aunt Primrose says to Rory. "I'm trying to pay you a compliment, and you are ruining it by sighing and puffing as if you meant to blow up a party balloon." She leans forward and jabs one finger at Rory. *page_break *goto donewell #I turn towards Aunt Primrose. *set observe %+10 *set soothing %-10 *set rep_rory %-5 *set rep_primrose %+5 You compose yourself, and evoke a look of interest as you attend to Aunt Primrose. "Quit daydreaming, Rory, and listen up," she says. "Try to be as attentive as ${name}, here, at the very least." *goto sighsabit #I don't look up. *set rep_rory %-10 *set tranquility %+10 *label sighsabit Rory sighs a bit, folds ${rory_his} hands, and turns to Aunt Primrose, who has been trying to get ${rory_his} attention. "As I was saying," Aunt Primrose barks, "I am relatively impressed. You have made an intelligent selection, which is especially worthy of accolade, considering the brain you are working with." "Th—thank you," says Rory. Aunt Primrose leans forward and jabs one finger at Rory. *goto donewell #I feel an odd, wistful feeling of pain or some strange jealousy at the thought of Rory's engagement. A twinge of something. Something halfway between vertigo and melancholy. *goto cornereye #I am consistently amused by Rory's ability to get ${rory_him}self into ridiculous situations. It is all I can do to keep from laughing. *set bold %+10 *set soothing %-10 You attempt to compose yourself, but your lips quiver ever so slightly as you try to keep yourself from laughing out loud at Rory's explanation. Rory looks so put out that it is impossible to maintain a straight face, and so you turn away slightly, to avoid being caught in the act of being amused by the situation. *goto donewell #${frankmr} Cygnet-Signet is a most unsuitable marriage prospect for Rory. This alliance should probably be broken off. *set observe %+10 *Set soothing %-10 The match is a very poor one, you realize. The two would make each other miserable, and Rory clearly is not invested in this accidental engagement. You will probably have to ensure that the engagement is broken swiftly and thoroughly, as Rory will likely be unable to do so on ${rory_his} own. *goto donewell #We will need to pack and make the arrangements for the trip at once. *set intellect %+10 *set observe %-10 *set appearance %+10 You begin to consider what would be the most appropriate clothes for a trip. Mentally, you begin sorting Rory's clothes in "take," "possibly take," and "don't take," and considering what sort of valises you will need. While Rory has some serious affairs of the heart to sort out, there would be no possible way to solve these problems without the proper selection of clothes for all possible exigencies. *goto donewell *label donewell "In my opinion," says Aunt Primrose. "You've done the family proud. Whereas your cousin Mopsie attempts to ally herself with a starving artist, you have found yourself affianced to a Cygnet-Signet, a family whom I understand has untold wealth and prosperity. Although I am a touch miffed that you neglected to inform me or ask my advice. ${name}, you used to work for the Cygnet-Signets before coming to work for Rory, didn't you? What do you make of Frankincense?" *fake_choice #"Frankincense and I had a reasonably pleasant relationship with each other." *set rep_frank %+10 "I found ${frankmr} Cygnet-Signet both kind and warm to me. I am looking forward to seeing ${frank_him} again." #Frankincense and I had a torrid and passionate affair, but I cannot say that. *set lustfrank true *set rep_frank %+20 "${frankmr} Cygnet-Signet and I…we had a close working relationship," you say. But even as you utter the mild statement, your memory is filled with thoughts that you are forced to push away here. You try very hard not to think about the ivy-strewn gazebo. It was a frosty winter twilight, but you and Frankincense were warm in each other's embrace, and the forbidden… "You seem rather pensive at the mention of Frankincense!" Aunt Primrose cries. "I can see that I will need to judge ${frank_him} for myself, as you are little to no help." #"I was not among Frankincense's many admirers, let us say." *set rep_frank %-20 "${frankmr} Cygnet-Signet and I had our differences. We were not well-suited for each other. In part, that was why I sought alternate employment." "How so?" snaps Aunt Primrose. "I do not wish to speak ill of ${frankmr} Cygnet-Signet. Particularly at this time." #What they do not know is that Frankincense and I had fallen deeply in love with one another, but I cannot say that. *set lovefrank true *set rep_frank %+20 "${frankmr} Cygnet-Signet and I had a warm relationship with one another until, regretfully, I had to leave the Cygnet-Signets' service," you say. It is true, as far as it goes. But it says nothing. You had fallen in love with ${frank_him}. You know ${frank_he} would have returned your affection if ${frank_he} could have. But the rift between classes was too great a chasm. And so your passion was never acted upon, instead manifesting in smoldering looks, sighs, and the brush of gloved hand on gloved hand. $!{frank_his} father and mother suspected, and found reason to let you go before something rash occurred. "It sounds like there's more to that story than you are letting on," Aunt Primrose says, "but I think I have the general idea." You remain respectfully silent. #But I was still reeling from the news of Rory's engagement, and could not respond. *set rep_rory %+5 You are silent, and clear your throat. "I…I don't quite remember, madam." "Oh, pshaw," says Aunt Primrose. "I understand about protecting the secrets of those you formerly worked for. The famous ${name} discretion. I suppose I will have to find out myself." Aunt Primrose stands at last and smooths her skirt briskly. "So, it's settled then. You'll come for a nice visit and ${name} will help me figure out how to keep Mopsie away from her beau, and then I can be the judge of whether Frankincense and you are a match that meets my approval. Then, for a special treat, if you please me, which I have no doubt you will, you can come into the village and watch the home team win dozens of blue ribbons at the Harvest Festival." "No, no, no, I…" "Now what was it you wanted to ask me about the horse, Surefire, in the third race, if I remember rightly?" "I simply wondered…" *choice #Let Rory finish. "…if you could see it clear to loan me…that is…if possible, a bit of the readies to pay the piper, and tide me over until next month," Rory says. "I'd be ever so grateful." *label loan_test *if ((rep_primrose > 45) or ((rep_primrose > 40) and (theoldoil))) Aunt Primrose laughs heartily. "Oh, you," she says, playfully batting at Rory's hand. "Well, how can I say no, when you've given me such a lovely evening? You outdid yourself tonight, by which I mean that you have exceeded the extraordinarily low expectations that I had for my entertainment here." "Glad to oblige," Rory says. "Yes, yes, I'll send you the money you so foolishly squandered, and give you a bit of walking-around money in the meanwhile." She gets a cagey look in her eyes. "But you'll still come over this weekend. You wouldn't take money from my hand and then reject me in my time of need." "Never," Rory says, although you can see that the thought had clearly crossed ${rory_his} mind. "Good," she says. "I expect you with all promptness. Will you fix the problem with Mopsie and her most unwelcome suitor?" "Between me and ${name}, consider your problem solved." "And will you come with Auntie when we go a-hunting, without complaint, and lend a hand at the village Harvest Festival?" "All this we swear," Rory says. *set readies +40 *set tranquility %+15 *set rep_rory %+10 *achieve lovelyevening *goto primrose_departs *elseif ((rep_primrose > 35) or ((rep_primrose > 30) and (theoldoil))) "So it all comes down to money, doesn't it? I remember a time when you were satisfied with a kiss on the cheek from your auntie and a foil-wrapped peppermint." "I fully intend to pay you back, of course," Rory declares. "You used to beg me for those peppermints. Whatever became of that little Rory, I sometimes wonder?" "I am on bended knee," Rory says. "I swear to come to your estate at the time of your choosing and perform untold wonders for you." "Will you fix the problem with Mopsie and her most unwelcome suitor?" "Between me and ${name}, consider your problem solved." "And will you come with Auntie when we go a-hunting, without complaint, and lend a hand at the village Harvest Festival?" "All this we swear," Rory says. "Hmph," she says. "I'll give you half; perhaps I can be persuaded to part with the other half later. Deal?" Seeing no other option, Rory agrees. *set readies +20 *set tranquility %+10 *goto primrose_departs *else "So it's like that, is it? I thought as much." She shakes her head at Rory. "Without so much as giving a thought to my ease and entertainment for the evening, you conclude the dismal visit with a appeal to my pocketbook." "Not…exactly," Rory says. "Yes, exactly," Aunt Primrose says with fervor. "This is the thanks I get for dandling you on my knee, and cleaning you up after learning that mashed peas do not agree with you. You ruined my lavender gown, but did I forward you a bill? I did not. And here you stand, demanding of me?" "I beg of you," Rory says. "Oh, do you? Well, go on." "I swear that ${name} and I will attend you at your estate and do absolutely everything you ask of us. We'll sort out the whole Mopsie and Figs situation, and I'll parade around in front of you with Frankincense, and just everything you can think of." "Will you come with Auntie when we go a-hunting and lend a hand at the village Harvest Festival?" "All that and more." "Hmph," she says. "You are lucky that I have a soft heart. I will pay off your ill-gotten bills if—and I do mean if—you do as you say. Which I find most unlikely." Seeing no other option, Rory quickly agrees, although you can tell that ${rory_he} is most dissatisfied with this outcome. *set tranquility %-10 *set rep_rory %-10 *goto primrose_departs #Smoothly break in and make the request for a loan on Rory's behalf. *if persuade > 35 "If I might break in for just a moment," you say. "I think what ${rorymr} Wintermint is trying to say is that ${rory_he} finds ${rory_him}self in some financial straits at the moment, and in order to do you proud and hold ${rory_his} head up high, a small but vital loan would be most welcome." *set theoldoil true *set renown %+5 *goto loan_test *else "If I might interrupt for a moment; as you know, Mrs. Patterson, we both appreciate you terribly much. But let us turn from that to the hard fact of financial straits, which your ${rory_nephew} finds ${rory_him}self in at the moment. In short, we would like to ask for a loan. We know you are most generous and loving, and so we have every hope that you will offer this most-needed aid." "What rubbish," Aunt Primrose laughs. "I assume Rory put you up to that little speech." "No, not at all. You see…" *set rep_primrose %-5 *set renown %-5 *goto loan_test #Offer Aunt Primrose a respectful compliment before Rory asks for money in order to smooth ${rory_his} path. *if culture > 35 You give Aunt Primrose a grateful smile. "Thank you so much for coming tonight," you say. "I hope it's not overstepping my bounds to say that I enjoy your company." "Better than having dinner alone every night with ${rory_him}, I assume," she says. "That must get tiresome. I must be a welcome change. Now what is ${rory_he} trying to ask me?" You lean in towards Aunt Primrose. "It's a matter of money," you whisper. "There is some urgency." *set renown %+5 *set theoldoil true *goto loan_test *else "Thank you ever so much for your visit," you say, with a graceful sweep of your hand. "Your presence has, as always, illuminated our otherwise dreary day." Aunt Primrose looks at you as if you had suddenly started speaking in tongues. "That's quite enough of that, ${name}. Is that an ill-conceived attempt to butter me up?" "It's merely that ${rorymr} Wintermint has some financial need," you say. "And I was simply hoping…" *set renown %-5 *set rep_primrose %-5 *goto loan_test *label primrose_departs *page_break "I will see you tomorrow," she says. "And may I remind you that I will be celebrating my birthday. I will have several respectable guests there, and you may wish to put more thought into the gift you bring than the one you offered last year." And with that, Aunt Primrose departs, waving over her shoulder. Rory waves and closes the door firmly after her. *if loverory There is a moment of silence, and you hear your heart beat, once, twice. Rory heaves a great sigh, and then sits down across from you, as you begin tidying and preparing for evening. "Oh, I'll get that," Rory says, as you reach for a glass. You reach for it at the same time, and your hands touch briefly. Rory moves to the window, seems to make a decision, and addresses you. "Now, look here, ${name}. I have become engaged to Frankincense, and we're…supposed to be wed and all that." *if (lovefrank) Rory and Frankincense. Your head swims with conflicting passion. The love you once bore Frankincense was dead and buried, replaced by your love for Rory. But now, hearing ${frank_his} name, and talk of marriage, it is difficult to retain your poise. You look up at Rory. *if (lustfrank) Rory and Frankincense. How strange. How awkward. You and Frankincense merely shared a moment or two of passion, a passion now wholly eclipsed by your love for Rory. You look up at Rory. *fake_choice #"I fully understand the situation." "I fully understand the situation," you say. "There's no need to explain." "Thank you for understanding," Rory says, pacing around, hands behind ${rory_his} back. "I'm going to bed. I'll find my own nightwear, thank you." "Very good, ${rorysir}. Good night." You let the evening grow dark around you. Finally, you go to sleep. *finish #"You can't. I won't let it happen!" "You can't. I won't let it happen!" "You forget yourself," Rory says; ${rory_his} tone is not admonishing, but gentle and regretful. "There are a thousand reasons why…why I need to go to bed now. We will not speak of this again." "$!{frank_he} won't make you happy," you call, fists clenched. *if emotionally Rory laughs ruefully. "I can't say you didn't warn me when I first hired you. I should probably have listened to you." "${rorymr} Wint…Rory…" "Enough, $!{name}!" Rory says, and closes ${rory_his} door firmly. You go outside for an aimless, frustrated walk. Finally, in the wee hours of the morning, you fall into a restless sleep. *finish #"Oh." "You have a way with words, ${name}. 'Oh' does seem to sum it up. No use in indulging in lengthy and witty dialogue with you, I can see." You look down. There doesn't seem to be anything to say. "Things will change," Rory says, looking at ${rory_his} feet. "And…well, things will change. Good…good night." "Good night, ${rorysir}." You let the evening grow dark around you. Finally, fitfully, you go to sleep. *finish #"I wish things were different." "…Well, yes. Perhaps," Rory says. "But there's no sense in wishing. I'm to wed Frankincense, and that's all there is to it." "And yet…" "There is no 'and yet.' Strike 'and yet' from your vocabulary entirely. Now I'm turning in, and I suggest you do the same." *if emotionally There's nothing to say, and you turn away. "I can't say you didn't warn me when first I hired you. I should probably have listened." You take in a deep breath. You simply have to act normally. "Good night, ${rorysir}." "Good night. And don't let's let the evening's emotions get the better of us. This is a bewildering world, and I need you as my steady anchor, come what will. Can you do that for me?" "I will try." Rory closes ${rory_his} bedroom door, and you sit there as evening falls, until weariness overcomes you. *finish *elseif ((lustfrank) or (lovefrank)) There is a moment of silence, and you turn to see Rory looking at you with a quizzical expression on ${rory_his} face. "I had forgotten that you had worked for Frankincense's family," ${rory_he} says. "Sorry I didn't mention all this before." You flush a bit and try to gauge Rory's expression, but it is inscrutable. "I suppose it would all be just one big happy family if this whole marriage thing works out. That will be pleasant for you, I suppose. Since you two were close." *fake_choice #"Not so very close as all that, ${rorysir}." "Indeed? I suppose I judged your expression wrongly, then. I thought I detected a hint of…of something else. But I am a rather poor judge of expressions." "Possibly a touch of indigestion," you say. "Nothing more." "I'm sure that's it." Rory gives you another long look, seems to decide against saying something else, and then retires to ${rory_his} bedroom for the night. "Good night, ${name}." "Good night, ${rorysir}." *finish #"Oh, that will be pleasant, as you say." Rory gives you a broad smile. "What could be happier, than the ${frank_sex} I love—I think—and my dear ${name}, together with me at Aunt Primrose's to take a deep whiff of autumnal air and all that rot. It'll be a wonderful time for all and sundry." "I am looking forward to it." Rory laughs. "${name}, you are, as always, my guardian angel. Good night." "Good night, ${rorysir}." *finish #"Yes, we were close. Close indeed." Rory opens and closes ${rory_his} mouth six or seven times, goes and gets a glass of water, drinks it down, and then returns to you. "Well, good gravy. You don't mean to say…" "I do. But, as you know, I have not seen Frankincense in quite a few years." *if emotionally "And so this is what you meant when I first took you on? About becoming emotionally involved with your employer?" "$!{frank_he} and I spent a great deal of time in close proximity," you confess. "But that is long past." "And yet the spark may remain. This is most unprecedented, ${name}. You place me in what the great writers would call a 'love triangle,' and it is most provoking to be in said triangle with one's ${job}. This is an affair of positively Shakespearean dimensions." "I hope not, ${rorysir}." "Servants have been fired for less." "I understand." "Although this was in the past, who is to say whether sparks remain, just waiting to be kindled into a bonfire of passion and all those things in the romance novels?" Rory picks up and brandishes the copy of [i]Although She Knew Better[/i], by Miss Fifi Buttercup. "You see what I mean?" "I would hardly compare our situation to that of the situation in [i]Although She Knew Better[/i]." Rory paces back and forth and then snaps ${rory_his} fingers. "If only I were certain about whether I even wanted to be wed to Frankincense in the first place. Well, there it is. When person A loves person B, but C and B also have a past, that's the perfect opportunity to test the strength of the relationship between A and B. Indeed, it could even strengthen the bond between A and C if it turns out that A and B are not what you'd call a match. In short, this sticky situation could be just the thing I need to figure out if Frankincense and I are soul mates, if you will." "I don't think…" "There we are. All solved. That's a relief. You'll come along with me, of course, and make a point of talking to Frankincense in a tête-à-tête. Then we'll know for sure. And Aunt Primrose could hardly be upset at me for breaking off the engagement if ${frank_he}'s fallen for you. She may be furious at [i]you[/i], but hardly at me. Good night, ${name}. Pleasant dreams!" *set triangle true *finish *else Rory turns back to you. *if ((rep_rory < 50) and (readies < 26)) *set tranquility %-10 "I'm very put out," Rory says. "And I don't wish to discuss it. You will need to try harder, ${name}. That is all I have to say. Now good night. That will be all for the evening." And Rory firmly closes ${rory_his} bedroom door. *finish *elseif readies > 25 *set tranquility %+10 "We've done all right, ${name}," ${rory_he} says. "A bit of money in the black ink portion of the ledger as weighed against the prospect of having to dance to Aunt Primrose's tune this weekend. But that's all right. There's always something pleasant enough to do there, even if I'd much rather simply stay home. But it is not to be." "I fear not, ${rorysir}. I recommend a good night's sleep. There is a great deal of packing and preparing to do." "Oh, very well." Rory clasps ${rory_his} hands behind ${rory_his} back. "Very strange, this being engaged thing. 'Till death do you part' and so forth." *if tension "Yes, ${rorysir}," you say, swallowing hard. *label glasswater Rory looks about for a glass of water suddenly, takes a sip, starts to say something, and then thinks better of it, as your eyes follow ${rory_him} about the room. "Is there anything else I can do for you?" you ask. "No. I suppose not," Rory says. "Well, good night, then, ${name}. Sleep…sleep well." "Yes, ${rorysir}. I shall try." *finish "I understand it is the marriage itself that is described in so permanent a way, not the engagement." "Hm," says Rory. "Hm," ${rory_he} says again. "I have a lot to think about. Thank you, ${name}. That will be all tonight." "Good night, ${rorysir}." *finish *else "I'm not terribly pleased by the events of the evening," ${rory_he} says. "Now we're in for it, you and I. There's only one way out of this nasty situation. We're going to have to butter up Aunt Primrose as if she were a baked potato. We'll have to wait on her hand and foot, and do so with far more alacrity than we did this evening." "If I cry out in the dead of night, ignore it, ${name}. It will merely be the specter of Aunt Primrose chastising me in my nightmares." "I hope not, ${rorysir}." *if tension *goto glasswater That will be all tonight. I will see you in the morning." *finish *label mainstat_check *set mainstat "bold" *set mainstatval bold *if culture > mainstatval *set mainstat "culture" *set mainstatval culture *if intellect > mainstatval *set mainstat "intellect" *set mainstatval intellect *if skullduggery > mainstatval *set mainstat "skullduggery" *set mainstatval skullduggery *if observe > mainstatval *set mainstat "observe" *set mainstatval observe *if persuade > mainstatval *set mainstat "persuade" *set mainstatval persuade *return